CrystalGeezer
My secret's my enzyme.
Okaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy...so this is almost impossible to talk about without sounding crazy (stfu Juno) or oddly insensitive, but first let me establish my version of what a black cloud is.
To me, a black cloud is like being in the presence of a spirit that is trying to get your attention while being in the presence of another human. The spirit will do anomalous things to GET your attention so that you'll follow the spirit's train of thought because it;s trying to communicate something to you. Sometimes the spirit is God. Sometimes it is the devil. And sometimes it is your safe place, to me it is my HA or hermetic androgyne that I have deduced to be Morrissey. So people will kind of not talk to you so much, but talk AT you. It's weird. There's a blank look in their face and you have to piece together using very subtle clues who it is you're actually talking to. When I hear Everyday Is Like Sunday, the "silent and grey" part is the black cloud, like talking to "greys" or the "aliens" who are trying to help you in whatever quest you're on or whatever. So you can squeeze them out and ignore them but there's nothing you can do to make the spirit yours because it floats around in many bodies. To me, the source of one of the three spirits I read is Morrissey, so in that way he's a bit of a Godsend to me because I don't have to read him, he's not a vessel that the spirit floats in and out of and he is unaware of it, he's the source of the spirit I've quietly been aware of forever, even as a child.
Okay. So in a nutshell "reading" Morrissey is not like I can read his mind, exactly. It's more like I can read basic inquiries and sense general frustrations. I can't say "Oh Morrissey's eating toast this morning." But I can read "Morrissey is eating." or "Morrissey is sleeping." or "Morrissey is looking for something." Or "Morrissey has a general concern about safety." I don't know what issue is safe or not safe, but I sense when he is uneasy. I know when he is agitated, when he wants to go to bed, when he is laughing or crying. Because the people and animals around me reflect him, they are his mirror, it's very Nico. I read his mirror.
So Occam's Razor tells me that all of this is unlikely and I am still willing to accept this.
But this interesting thing happened in the pit last night that is a bit like my black cloud and his (possible) black cloud overlapped and we sort of existed in this weird reality warp where he and my the person acting as my mirror of him were inches away from each other and it was so strange to read. I was just irritated while it was happening, like always, (I am losing patience with the system I've learned to perfect,) but while I drove home and thought about it, it kind of blew my mind.
So on the way up to Bakersfield, my friend kept texting me where I was, to know if I had made it yet. He texted me multiple times. I got to Bakersfield around 6:30 and struck up a conversation with an Austistic Jehovah's Witness who told me a rather scandalous story about how not one of the elders, but a member of his church put his hands in his pants and he told the police and they wrote up a police report. He just randomly confessed this to me, (I didn't know yet the concert wasn;t even close to selling out so I was looking for a scalper and started up this conversation with this man standing on the street corner waiting for a red car to pick him up who just starts randomly confessing things to me. I offered to use my cellphone to call his ride but he showed me he had a phone and just wanted to wait. That's an example of a general emotion, he "just wants to wait, not ready to call.") So the point of the police report thing and what he kept asking me over and over was "Do you think I'll have to go to court?" He didn;t want to go to court. Now from the perspective of this Austistic kid he thought if you go to court, you are in trouble, so I spent the good part of 10 minutes comforting him that he did the right thing and he is not in any trouble and that I don't know the circumstances, but I doubt he would have to go to court, BUT IF HE DID, he was not in trouble, he did the right thing to tell on the bad man, etc, etc.. This pleased him.
So later on inside the venue I stand next to this British kid who spent most of the first half of the concert texting somebody. He was yelling over his shoulder for someone named Jackie, then he kept texting her. "Where are you." is the nature of the last text's I got, so that stuck in my mind. So I'd think LEFT and JESSE and WEST trying to help. So you know how sometimes you're at work or you're driving down the street and you're singing a song and you're just going through the motions but in your head you're thinking other stuff? It's like, Morrissey was singing, but he was thinking "Where are you?" because that's all I'm seeing this guy do. THEN, Morrissey would walk over to our side of the stage and start singing and texter would stop texting and literally sing back at Morrissey with all the emotion of being in a melodrama, hand on chest, emotive face, he stopped searching, walked over and sang. Then Morrissey would walk over to Boz's side of the stage (Because I think he's really, really shy.) and look in the direction of where we stood and I am NOT SHITTING YOU, this dude would stop and look directly at my face and stare at me. This happened repeatedly. It was so weird. Anyway, strange black cloud. Either that or I am batshit crazy, which I'm fine with, it's better than being dull I guess.
And if anyone's wondering what kind of person I perceive Morrissey to be based on reading my greys, he is gentle and committed and lovely and has low self esteem and funny and apologetic and sometimes confused and he likes to keep order and things organized and he gets crabby when he's sleepy.
To me, a black cloud is like being in the presence of a spirit that is trying to get your attention while being in the presence of another human. The spirit will do anomalous things to GET your attention so that you'll follow the spirit's train of thought because it;s trying to communicate something to you. Sometimes the spirit is God. Sometimes it is the devil. And sometimes it is your safe place, to me it is my HA or hermetic androgyne that I have deduced to be Morrissey. So people will kind of not talk to you so much, but talk AT you. It's weird. There's a blank look in their face and you have to piece together using very subtle clues who it is you're actually talking to. When I hear Everyday Is Like Sunday, the "silent and grey" part is the black cloud, like talking to "greys" or the "aliens" who are trying to help you in whatever quest you're on or whatever. So you can squeeze them out and ignore them but there's nothing you can do to make the spirit yours because it floats around in many bodies. To me, the source of one of the three spirits I read is Morrissey, so in that way he's a bit of a Godsend to me because I don't have to read him, he's not a vessel that the spirit floats in and out of and he is unaware of it, he's the source of the spirit I've quietly been aware of forever, even as a child.
Okay. So in a nutshell "reading" Morrissey is not like I can read his mind, exactly. It's more like I can read basic inquiries and sense general frustrations. I can't say "Oh Morrissey's eating toast this morning." But I can read "Morrissey is eating." or "Morrissey is sleeping." or "Morrissey is looking for something." Or "Morrissey has a general concern about safety." I don't know what issue is safe or not safe, but I sense when he is uneasy. I know when he is agitated, when he wants to go to bed, when he is laughing or crying. Because the people and animals around me reflect him, they are his mirror, it's very Nico. I read his mirror.
So Occam's Razor tells me that all of this is unlikely and I am still willing to accept this.
But this interesting thing happened in the pit last night that is a bit like my black cloud and his (possible) black cloud overlapped and we sort of existed in this weird reality warp where he and my the person acting as my mirror of him were inches away from each other and it was so strange to read. I was just irritated while it was happening, like always, (I am losing patience with the system I've learned to perfect,) but while I drove home and thought about it, it kind of blew my mind.
So on the way up to Bakersfield, my friend kept texting me where I was, to know if I had made it yet. He texted me multiple times. I got to Bakersfield around 6:30 and struck up a conversation with an Austistic Jehovah's Witness who told me a rather scandalous story about how not one of the elders, but a member of his church put his hands in his pants and he told the police and they wrote up a police report. He just randomly confessed this to me, (I didn't know yet the concert wasn;t even close to selling out so I was looking for a scalper and started up this conversation with this man standing on the street corner waiting for a red car to pick him up who just starts randomly confessing things to me. I offered to use my cellphone to call his ride but he showed me he had a phone and just wanted to wait. That's an example of a general emotion, he "just wants to wait, not ready to call.") So the point of the police report thing and what he kept asking me over and over was "Do you think I'll have to go to court?" He didn;t want to go to court. Now from the perspective of this Austistic kid he thought if you go to court, you are in trouble, so I spent the good part of 10 minutes comforting him that he did the right thing and he is not in any trouble and that I don't know the circumstances, but I doubt he would have to go to court, BUT IF HE DID, he was not in trouble, he did the right thing to tell on the bad man, etc, etc.. This pleased him.
So later on inside the venue I stand next to this British kid who spent most of the first half of the concert texting somebody. He was yelling over his shoulder for someone named Jackie, then he kept texting her. "Where are you." is the nature of the last text's I got, so that stuck in my mind. So I'd think LEFT and JESSE and WEST trying to help. So you know how sometimes you're at work or you're driving down the street and you're singing a song and you're just going through the motions but in your head you're thinking other stuff? It's like, Morrissey was singing, but he was thinking "Where are you?" because that's all I'm seeing this guy do. THEN, Morrissey would walk over to our side of the stage and start singing and texter would stop texting and literally sing back at Morrissey with all the emotion of being in a melodrama, hand on chest, emotive face, he stopped searching, walked over and sang. Then Morrissey would walk over to Boz's side of the stage (Because I think he's really, really shy.) and look in the direction of where we stood and I am NOT SHITTING YOU, this dude would stop and look directly at my face and stare at me. This happened repeatedly. It was so weird. Anyway, strange black cloud. Either that or I am batshit crazy, which I'm fine with, it's better than being dull I guess.
And if anyone's wondering what kind of person I perceive Morrissey to be based on reading my greys, he is gentle and committed and lovely and has low self esteem and funny and apologetic and sometimes confused and he likes to keep order and things organized and he gets crabby when he's sleepy.