Article: David Bret blog - "The Morrissey Solo Forum: You Don't Have To Be Intellectually Challenged, But It Helps"

[Anonymous]

Paul-Viva Morrissey
Many thanks Caroline for giving us the opportunity to play at the Friends Of Mine Festival, we look forward to playing the Big Top Tent next year!
May 24 at 4:37pm

Caroline Schofield I didn't get to watch, was gutted to miss it but I was busy sorting out various things and got stuck in the green room. I'm reliably informed that it was immense though!
May 24 at 7:08pm

Paul-Viva Morrissey Can't really go wrong with such a great audience Hopefully we'll see you somewhere, sometime, soon!
May 24 at 7:19pm

Caroline Schofield I am hearing many rumours that Morrissey himself made a comeback at the festival as a special guest- have you anything to do with this?
May 25 at 8:24pm

Paul-Viva Morrissey I heard those rumours too...I hope I didn't miss Morrissey!!
May 25 at 8:29pm

Caroline Schofield You must have been incredibly convincing!
May 25 at 8:38pm

Paul-Viva Morrissey Or people were incredibly drunk! :-D
May 25 at 8:44pm

Julia Ruddick As I said the other night , not arsed now that I can't work Hop Farm into my festival calender this year, I feel as tho I have already seen Morrissey.x
May 26 at 9:20pm

[Anonymous]

troll post

Your Top 30 Reasons To Abhor Freeyourself (aka Paul)

AMBIGUOUS OUTSIDERS

1 Freeyourself ruined the only Morrissey album I enjoyed listening to from beginning to finish, from the laid back sun-kissed sound of California on "America is not the World" to the high camp self-pity of "you know I couldn't last." "But how?" I hear you ask. By naming himself after the lyric towards the end of "All The Lazy Dykes" - that's how. Every time I get towards the end of one of my favourite songs on the album I hear those warm, loving words "free yourself, be yourself" and I see some hideous pile of lard covered in pubic hairs, reclining on a dirty floor surrounded by kylie records with "hot and "cum" emblazoned on his grotesque face, pulling some revolting "homoerotic" pout. It's a little like pre-emptive nausea when you're on the way to the hospital for chemotherapy. Even the *thought* of those words towards the end of the song makes me nauseated these days. I often reach for the track skip function as late as I can bear to, without risking having to hear those words.

2 Freeyourself has the personality of a vicious poisonous old queen, who spends all his time bitching and looking at porn.

3 Freeyourself is apparently dating a man "with form." I think you know what I mean.

4 Freeyourself is obese and smells like moth balls, yet he acts like he's some sexy young superstud. Yucky.

5 FYS is into the "bear scene" - this means he likes to dress up like a gimp and meet other fat, ugly men for halitosis-ridden kisses, and fungal foot play.

6 Have you seen that pic of him on the floor with "hot and "cum" on his face? Hahahahaha

7 FYS is a vile racist who uses terms like "chink" and also happens to be a bit of a pervert. A disgusting combination, frankly. The contents of his typing probably reflect the contents of his mind. Not a pleasant thought.

8 FYS sits on his fat arse typing messages to himself and registering IDs on this forum for 20 hours a day. This probably means (i) he has a personality disorder or (ii) he is an insomniac with no life, friends, family or job or money.

9 FYS was reported to be "a bit pongy" after the earls court show - apparently after moshing, his bum started to smell a bit of damp, warm shit.

10 FYS is a fat cunt. Did I mention that?

11 Freeyourself has an eating disorder^

12 Freeyourself stinks of shit.

13 He burdens the man we love.

14 He beats his elderly mother up when he visits her. (Despite the fact she should be beaten for spawning such a monster).

15 He cowers away from those whom he trolls.

16 He looks repulsive in his cheap suits. (He looks repulsive anyway)

17 He shit his pants at G-MEX.

18 He abuses animals.(He microwaved a cat)

19 He lies and eats meat.

20 At Hyde Park he reportedly smelled like he had perineal gangrene LOL.

21 Freeyourself has admitted his neigbours view him as a 'freak' and outsider.

22 He was seen standing near a school gate with a camera and some lollipops.

23 He has severe piles and hemorrhoids that smell malodorous and produce a 'yellow discharge'

24 Freeyourself is unemployed and scrounges off the tax payer.

25 He Moshed at Hyde Park smothering excrement over a bald mans head.

26 He does not wash propery after playing defecation games and having unprotected anal sex.

27 Freeyourself frequents Canal Street in Manchester and gos cruising in male public toilets.

28 He is hairy, sweaty and smells of shit.

29 He hangs out at gay bars in a ridiculous pink suit with a gold chain.

30 He is Freeyourself nothing could be worse and thats a fact !.

[Anonymous]

He looks ridiculous when he's dressed up as Morrissey. I wonder if he tries to do that in everyday life. Has anybody seen him pootling about the shops looking like that? Who on earth would want to look like Morrissey, aged 50? And why, when you reach your 50s, would you still want to be somebody else?? It's tragic and very entertaining. I hope he never changes a thing. I also hope that, when his end is near, that he looks back over his life and realises what a sorry waste it all was.

As far as I can see, the thing is that he shares with Morrissey is a love of the racialism; they're both big racialists.

[Anonymous]

Well said Mr Brett.

As someone who has been a successful professional and writer for several years, I did on a few occasions make the mistake of wading into the quagmire of despair that is the Morrissey-soslow forum. I would have to wholeheartedly concur with Mr Brett's witty and astute observations. I take exception only to one thing - which is the disrespectful use of the word 'tard.' People with learning disabilities are like anybody else, except for the fact they are not quite as gifted intellectually; whereas the mind-warpingly inane, ignorant and downright vulgar persons who inhabit the so-slow forum during days when they really ought to be tuning into Jezza Kyle and nights when some sleep might be advised are not like any person I have ever met in my life.

Those people are petty, spiteful and childish, which is not the same thing as having a learning disability. It's undoubtedly true that a number of them are diagnosably ill, but that too is no excuse for such behaviour. An exemplar of this extreme form of twisted normalcy is Uncle Sweaty. The man, once again, is clearly not an idiot - he competed on 'Mastermind' and 'The Eggsheads,' for heaven's sake! As tediouslycognisant as we are of this fact, it does not make it any less true. Therefore, one has to ask what makes an intelligent person such as Uncle Sweaty behave like that? I am at a loss. I know only that the couple of months I spent in that dreary place were - with the exception of one person I stayed in contact with by email - boredom itself.

I quite agree with Mr Brett that these people are unpleasant, simplistic and nasty, but I personally would leave it that rather than using all the pejorative terms of abuse these individuals themselves hurl around like confetti at a funeral.

How glad I was when I was banned!

But let's face it - this is the biggest embarrassment both to Morrissey and Morrissey fandom on the internet. From David 'He told me he was psychotic, honest, that's why I didn't ban him for stalking you and threatening to murder you' Tseng down to the forum moderators and the less than pleasant inhabitants of the comments pages. While there are intelligent and interesting Morrissey fans, most of them have left the internet by now. What that says about me I do not know.

[Anonymous]

There is no difference between the main page and the forums.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has been a successful professional and writer for several years

hurl around like confetti at a funeral.

As "a successful professional and writer for some years", you need to practise your similes a little more in private before showing them off where other people can see them.

[Dandy Dick]

As "a successful professional and writer for some years", you need to practise your similes a little more in private before showing them off where other people can see them.

He's so warped that he likes to throw confetti at funerals, which is compounding the misery of the mourners.

He does have a point though. The vitriol, hate and lack ofany form of human decency on this site is unmatched by any other forum I have ever come across, perhaps with the exception of Stormfront. Is that the sort of people you like to be associated with?

[Anonymous]

A retort from Mr. Bret:

Take a look at this handsome, indeed beautifully wholesome chap. What, you might add, is the difference between Joey and a Morrissey fan?

I'll get the obvious out of the way: Joey was a massive Morrissey/Smiths fan, and vice-versa.

The answer is: you are very unlikely to see a diehard Morrissey fan looking as healthy and wholesome as this.

When I say "diehard", I am not talking about the majority of, say, the 10,000 folk who attend a typical Morrissey concert. At least 98% of these are just as normal as the rest of us.

I'm referring to the clones and drones, the ones who cannot bear to miss a single performance, to such an extent that they hitch rides, don't eat, and in some cases sleep in shop doorways and on park benches. I've seen it happen many a time. And then, after they have screamed themselves silly during the show, they wait for hours outside the theatre and scream some more when their idol makes an appearance. All for a few bored and dreaded seconds of his time.

I have been there and I've oft heard the moan from a very tired singer, "Bloody hell, it's her again!"

One Morrissey fan made comments about "errors" in my book. Really, I could not care less. Were the criticism to come from a serious journalist or publication, or other normal person, I would be concerned. But to read them on this type of forum is what I have come to expect. To find normality on these forums would be, say, like finding Russ Seekatz or David Tseng modelling the latest fashions for Saville Row, or Winnie Wong sporting the latest Vidal Sassoon cut. And of course, being challenged in all ways physical and mental, the other fans follow like sheep. There was once a very interesting quote from Morrissey himself: "The King said shit, so they all shat!"

Yes, Morrissey likes his fans--but not the diehards. He may pretend to, but that's because he is being kind--and because, like a certain long-haired American fanzine lady who once menaced him in London, he is sometimes frightened of offending them in case he wakes up one morning and finds a Chapman sitting next to his bed.

Detractors who do not tread diligently where these fans are concerned are subject to great verbal abuse--as much as it is possible for one retarded child to verbally abuse another. They make silly statements about sliced bread and zebras, and if this is not childish enough, they resort to dirty names and references of how a person might look. I am yet to see a Morrissey fan which would make me or anyone else go "Wow!" Iregardless of how I look, these people just do NOT look healthy. Neither do they have any form of life extant of the Morrissey sphere.

David Tseng has never done anything with his life UNLESS it has been Morrissey inspired. What makes this all the more amazing is that Morrissey dislikes this man intensely and has even taken advice about banning him from his shows, following a rather unpleasant incident at the end of 1997. It must be very hard--or very stupid--to worship a man for fourteen years, knowing that he cannot stand the mortal site of you!

So, diehard fans, mock as you will. Some of us complete a project and move on. We do not have the same subject or person on our brains twenty-four hours a day. Morrissey will one day hang up his boots--hopefully not for a long time, for in my opinion he is STILL the best singer-songwriter that we have in Britain--and when that happens, what will you do then--the little boy and girl who has stayed home your entire life to nurse Momma--what will you, when you are too old to make a life for yourself, and when no one else wants you?

Because HE won't care!

[davidt]

He's so warped that he likes to throw confetti at funerals, which is compounding the misery of the mourners.

He does have a point though. The vitriol, hate and lack ofany form of human decency on this site is unmatched by any other forum I have ever come across, perhaps with the exception of Stormfront. Is that the sort of people you like to be associated with?

Would you prefer censorship or removal of the ability to post anonymously? There are other sites that offer that. I find it interesting when something posted on the site touches a nerve. I agree with the 4Chan founder's thoughts on 'Anonymity is authenticity'. Sure, there is some vitriol, hate, etc but that you see that in 'real life' also.

[oliver]

A retort from Mr. Bret:
...
One Morrissey fan made comments about "errors" in my book. Really, I could not care less.
...

Is DB saying he doesn't care about errors in his book or that he still doesn't think they're errors? Either way, it's not good.

[!Viva Hate!]

Ok. This is officially bizarre now.

[Anonymous]

I love how Moz first tried to kill his career with the Queen statement and now he is getting help from Bret or someone pretending to be him. I feel it is time to bury Morrissey and the past once and for all because music is dead and so utterly boring. It is clear to me Morrissey is seeking a way out and controversy is a great way to escape and move on or even retire.
May this be his last tour and may he get really old with dignity because his lyrics about The Rolling Stones are coming back to haunt him.

Urban in Sweden (tired of posers and fashion victims)

[Anonymous]

I am literally on the floor laughing. This is why I love Morrissey fans and Morrissey. The humor is unmatched. Just beautiful. You have to admit, while most of us are barely clinging to life, we surely will not be walked on - we still have a burning ember of fight, wit and strength, probably, thanks to Moz. For David Bret to get his panties all twisted, surely, we've struck a nerve of truth and it hurts him. Moz would be proud.

[Anonymous]

I am literally on the floor laughing. This is why I love Morrissey fans and Morrissey. The humor is unmatched. Just beautiful. You have to admit, while most of us are barely clinging to life, we surely will not be walked on - we still have a burning ember of fight, wit and strength, probably, thanks to Moz. For David Bret to get his panties all twisted, surely, we've struck a nerve of truth and it hurts him. Moz would be proud.

Have you read his blogs? Its not just Moz fans he has it in for. A certain Mario Lanza fan forum has a long running battle with him. If thats anything to go by, we'll be watching this little spat grow legs of its own.

[Anonymous]

What I do not quite get is that you,Mr.Bret, need to judge a person who you do not know, by their looks (like you did with Russ and Winnie) while you yourself are not exactly extraordinary goodlooking yourself.
I do not care about what an author of a book looks like and I did not care about how you look like, until the moment you needed to post these abusive direct attacks which were uncalled for.
In my opinion if someone needed to judge looks of strangers, then he/she had to be quite a stunner himself.
Also:that is something teenage boys do to make them look like "the man"at their teenage gang,but not grown men.

Concerning Russ:I have seen a picture of him and he looks perfectly normal and not deceased at all.
Winnie I do not know. I still would not type an abusive comment about someone`s looks like you did.
What exactly has someone`s looks to do with the way solo works anyway?
I agree though the solo place can be a bit of a nutter.

[Anonymous]

Well said Mr Brett.

As someone who has been a successful professional and writer for several years, I did on a few occasions make the mistake of wading into the quagmire of despair that is the Morrissey-soslow forum. I would have to wholeheartedly concur with Mr Brett's witty and astute observations. I take exception only to one thing - which is the disrespectful use of the word 'tard.' People with learning disabilities are like anybody else, except for the fact they are not quite as gifted intellectually; whereas the mind-warpingly inane, ignorant and downright vulgar persons who inhabit the so-slow forum during days when they really ought to be tuning into Jezza Kyle and nights when some sleep might be advised are not like any person I have ever met in my life.

Those people are petty, spiteful and childish, which is not the same thing as having a learning disability. It's undoubtedly true that a number of them are diagnosably ill, but that too is no excuse for such behaviour. An exemplar of this extreme form of twisted normalcy is Uncle Sweaty. The man, once again, is clearly not an idiot - he competed on 'Mastermind' and 'The Eggsheads,' for heaven's sake! As tediouslycognisant as we are of this fact, it does not make it any less true. Therefore, one has to ask what makes an intelligent person such as Uncle Sweaty behave like that? I am at a loss. I know only that the couple of months I spent in that dreary place were - with the exception of one person I stayed in contact with by email - boredom itself.

I quite agree with Mr Brett that these people are unpleasant, simplistic and nasty, but I personally would leave it that rather than using all the pejorative terms of abuse these individuals themselves hurl around like confetti at a funeral.

How glad I was when I was banned!

But let's face it - this is the biggest embarrassment both to Morrissey and Morrissey fandom on the internet. From David 'He told me he was psychotic, honest, that's why I didn't ban him for stalking you and threatening to murder you' Tseng down to the forum moderators and the less than pleasant inhabitants of the comments pages. While there are intelligent and interesting Morrissey fans, most of them have left the internet by now. What that says about me I do not know.

Paul you just can't keep away can you? Any sign on that Kit recording?

[Anonymous]

So the question I have is who is Winnie Wong on here? Is it Kewpie?

Thinkofmekindlylv
(too lazy to log in)

[Trouble loves me]

Was it really necessary to type all that fucking nonsense? It wasn't interesting and nobody gives a toss about your useless opinion.

Well, someone exited the bed on the wrong side this morning. Thanks for putting a smile on my face, as I imagine you rabidly hitting the keyboard, foaming at the mouth and wishing me dead with every word you type.

It was obviously of interest to you, seeing as you read it and replied. And how do you know "nobody" gives a toss about my opinion? Even if I saw a thousand hate filled replies to my post, they're all likely to be from Anonymous. I'll just assume every negative Anonymous is you from now on, tipped over the edge by words of more than one syllable.

I think you may have just proved David Bret's point (however badly he made it) about the intellectual poverty and pointless vitriol of some people posting on this website. Nevertheless, I'm sure you're a nice person in your day to day life; why don't you go outside and enjoy the sunshine tomorrow, it'll do you the world of good.

[Anonymous]

Well, someone exited the bed on the wrong side this morning. Thanks for putting a smile on my face, as I imagine you rabidly hitting the keyboard, foaming at the mouth and wishing me dead with every word you type.

It was obviously of interest to you, seeing as you read it and replied. And how do you know "nobody" gives a toss about my opinion? Even if I saw a thousand hate filled replies to my post, they're all likely to be from Anonymous. I'll just assume every negative Anonymous is you from now on, tipped over the edge by words of more than one syllable.

I think you may have just proved David Bret's point (however badly he made it) about the intellectual poverty and pointless vitriol of some people posting on this website. Nevertheless, I'm sure you're a nice person in your day to day life; why don't you go outside and enjoy the sunshine tomorrow, it'll do you the world of good.

You're probably just taking the internet a little too seriously (hence the angry, multi-paragraph posts about nothing). Calm down?

[Anonymous]

dear lord someone shed some light what happened between davidT and mozzer in 97?