Liverpool FC Jokes

[Jukebox Jury]

A kid was walking down the street, when a car pulls up alongside him.
''I'll give you £10 and a bag of sweets if you get in the car'' the man said.
''No chance'' said the kid.
''Well what about £20 and a bag of sweets?'' the man offered.
''Look dad, f**k off, I'm not going with you to watch that shite at Anfield today''

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[Jukebox Jury]

Players and staff from Liverpool went to Alderhey Childrens Hospital today to visit the children on the wards.
''It was great to just to put a smile on the face of those less fortunate than us and who face an uncertain future'', said James, aged 7 of Bootle.

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

Liverpool FC's games are now being shown live on Gay TV.
Sky felt that the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 minutes was just too explicit for their viewers

Jukebox Jury

[Lucky_Lisp]

Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

[Superhans]

I hear someofusisturningnasty has become too embarrassed to support Liverpool anymore.

[someofusisturningnasty]

I hear someofusisturningnasty has become too embarrassed to support Liverpool anymore.

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i'm not a fairweather fan, i stand behind my boys. we'll (Torres) bounce back

[Irish Budd]

Read em and weep :

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS
5 times
British record
1976/77 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
1977/78 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
1980/81 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
1983/84 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
2004/05 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan

UEFA CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1972/73, 1975/76, 2000/01

FA CUP WINNERS
7 times
1964/65, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1988/89, 1991/92, 2000/01, 2005/06

LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
7 times
English record
1980/81, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1994/95, 2000/01, 2002/03

EUROPEAN SUPER CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1977, 2001, 2005

CHARITY SHIELD WINNERS
15 times
1963/64+, 1964/65+, 1965/66, 1973/74, 1975/76, 1976/77+, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1985/86*, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 2000/01, 2006/07

SUPER CUP WINNERS
Once
1985/86

OTHER TROPHIES

Football League Second Division Champions 4

1893/94, 1895/96, 1904/05, 1961/62

Lancashire League Champions 1

1892-93

FA Youth Cup Winners 2

1995/96, 2005/06

Reserves Division One Winners 16

1956/57, 1968/69, 1969/70, 1970/71, 1972/73, 1973/74, 1974/75, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1980/81, 1981/82, 1983/84, 1984/85, 1989/90, 1999/2000

[Superhans]

Glory hunter ^

[Jukebox Jury]

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

pardon me for bringing this to your attention, but I think you will find another Lancashire club has also won the Championship / Premier League 18 times (and that's a fact)

Another fact is that Liverpool have never won the title since the back pass to the goalie (who could then pick the ball up) was banned

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[lainey]

Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.

[Jukebox Jury]

You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.

er, what's that got to do with Liverpool FC?
This thread isn't about the Tate, music festivals etc etc. I have no problem with that or the city of Liverpool, tourist atttractions and it's inhabitants.
It's about having a laugh at the expense of Liverpool FC - who at the moment are a joke. The Yank owners, Spanish waiter manager, players who don't know the meaning of the words ''This Is Anfield''. Or do you disagree?

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[lainey]

I wasn't going to comment on this thread but Lucky Lisp took the words right out of my mouth so I had to agree.

Can you promise never to mention anything about Liverpool football club, Liverpool The City, Liverpool the People (past and present) for the rest of the year amd I'll laugh at your other jokes.

[Jukebox Jury]

I wasn't going to comment on this thread but Lucky Lisp took the words right out of my mouth so I had to agree.

Can you promise never to mention anything about Liverpool football club, Liverpool The City, Liverpool the People (past and present) for the rest of the year amd I'll laugh at your other jokes.

Why are you so paranoid / defensive about me saying anything about the above subjects?
Can you not take a bit of banter or criticism? Is Liverpool beyond banter or criticism (the capital of humour?)

And you're not even from Liverpool - you were born in the same town as I was

Jukebox Jury