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Thread: Liverpool FC Jokes

  1. #41
    Senior Member lainey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Jukebox Jury View Post
    So if I was a ManU fan posting this thread it would have been acceptable to you as they ''hate'' you?
    what are you talking about?
    you ask why manu and leeds joke are considered funny by so many, I said it's because they're not well liked.



    So, a bloke is on a coach which gets ambushed. Right in front of his eyes (and according to reports, in his arms) two colleagues and the driver die under a hail of machine guns. The bloke himself has to take cover and for many minutes fears for his own life.
    The bloke, as captain of the team, (all of whom have gone through emotional hell) makes a statement on camera, wearing the shirt of another football team than the one he currently plays for.

    Am I really supposed to get worked up because this bloke who has experienced this horrific incident, is wearing the shirt of his previous team? Shame on you lainey for even bringing that up. But hey! As long as you thought it was hilarious, then that's all right

    Jukebox Jury
    I'm the one who actuallt posted this to point out that you need to get your priorities in order.

    1. Your teams welfare.
    2. Your teams next game.
    3. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, fitness.
    4.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, manager settling in.
    5. jokes about other clubs.

    I'll repost my comments as you didn't read them properly

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    lainey

  2. #42
    Chairman Of The Bored
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by mick ransommich View Post
    extract from Josef Fritzl's Daughter's Diary..

    MONDAY - Stayed in. Got shagged by Dad
    TUESDAY - Stayed in. Dad shagged me
    WEDNESDAY - Stayed in. Dad shagged me again.
    THURSDAY - Stayed in. Fucked by Dad.
    FRIDAY - Stayed in. Shagged by Dad.
    SATURDAY - Went to Anfield to watch Liverpool.. wish i'd stayed in



    Is that too much??
    I know I shouldn't laugh but I did. Alot.

    Incidentally, you Liverpool fans don't half get prickly. Fifth in the Premier League? My blue & white striped heart bleeds it really does.

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  3. #43
    Senior Member lainey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    JJ started it!!!!!!

    Emmanuel Adebayor risked the wrath of Manchester City fans by conducting a television interview wearing an Arsenal T-shirt.

    The City striker appeared on Sky Sports news to describe the horrific events in Angloa last Friday night when Togo's team bus was attacked by gunmen.

    Three officials were killed and several players injured in the attack - prompting Togo to withdraw from the African Cup of Nations.

    Adebayor, who has been given leave by City to spend time with his family following the tragedy, looked clearly traumatised as he spoke to a tv interviewer.

    My advice is that man city fans should focus on there own team, their own players and their own problems.
    what happened to the Togo team is truely shocking. Liverpool having a bad season is for us to contend with. Man city nearly having a player killed is a more worthy of your time. He is your player.
    Shame on you JJ for focusing you time and energy on other clubs at a time like this (I can piss take too)

    "What a bunch of squealers. If this was happening to ManU or Leeds (as it has happened) you'd be cracking jokes galore."
    my point was.........


    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    Manure and Leeds are hated.
    you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.

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    lainey

  4. #44

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Jukebox Jury View Post
    If this was happening to ManU or Leeds (as it has happened) you'd be cracking jokes galore.
    Jukebox Jury
    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    Manure and Leeds are hated.
    you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jukebox Jury View Post
    So if I was a ManU fan posting this thread it would have been acceptable to you as they ''hate'' you?
    Jukebox Jury
    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    what are you talking about?
    you ask why manu and leeds joke are considered funny by so many, I said it's because they're not well liked.
    I didn't say they were considered funny.... read above.... I just said people would be cracking jokes if it was happening to ManU or Leeds - and that includes Liverpool fans. But it isn't happening to ManU and Leeds, it's happening to Liverpool and Liverpool fans (on this site) are squealing and blubbering.....
    ManU fans do not 'like' LFC fans, so therefore, under your theory, are the jokes I have said acceptable to you - if delivered by a ManU fan - because they 'hate you'?

    Jukebox Jury

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    Last edited by Jukebox Jury; January 15, 2010 at 11:42 PM.

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  5. #45
    Senior Member lainey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    They would be equally as boring , equally as predictable and equally as unfunny.

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    lainey

  6. #46

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    I'm the one who actuallt posted this to point out that you need to get your priorities in order.

    1. Your teams welfare.
    2. Your teams next game.
    3. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, fitness.
    4.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, manager settling in.
    5. jokes about other clubs.
    lainey
    My timetable tonight was as follows:

    Got in from work (I'll describe the definiton of the term 'work' to you if you are unclear of it's origins) at 6.30pm.

    1. 6.55pm Having eaten, discussed with self as to whether the City team should travel with an armed escort as they are travelling into a dangerous territory with hostile natives tomorrow, playing away at Everton.

    2. 7.25pm Discussed with self tomorrows game against Everton. Debated whether I should go in my car and risk getting my hub caps stolen or go on coach (and risk getting bricked)

    3. 7.55pm Discussed with self as to whether new signing Vieira will be fit tomorrow against Everton, as well as Shaun Wright Phillips and Steven Ireland.

    4. 8.25pm Discussed with self about how MANCini has settled in and wondering if he will wear his lucky scarf during Saturday's game against Everton.

    5. 8.55pm Finished all the above, thought I'd make jokes about other clubs (well, one in particular) and switched computer on and made such jokes.

    So there you go, I had already completed all of your suggested tasks before you made them

    Jukebox Jury

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    Last edited by Jukebox Jury; January 16, 2010 at 12:00 AM.

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  7. #47

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    They would be equally as boring , equally as predictable and equally as unfunny.
    But you said the jokes are acceptable against ManU and Leeds because they are 'hated'.
    I inform you that ManU 'hate' LFC and as a result suggest therefore that the jokes against LFC are acceptable in this form - yet all of a sudden the goalposts have changed

    Jukebox Jury

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  8. #48
    Senior Member lainey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    I wasn't going to comment on this thread but Lucky Lisp took the words right out of my mouth so I had to agree.

    Can you promise never to mention anything about Liverpool football club, Liverpool The City, Liverpool the People (past and present) for the rest of the year amd I'll laugh at your other jokes.

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    lainey

  9. #49
    Senior Member lainey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Jukebox Jury View Post
    But you said the jokes are acceptable against ManU and Leeds because they are 'hated'.
    I inform you that ManU 'hate' LFC and as a result suggest therefore that the jokes against LFC are acceptable in this form - yet all of a sudden the goalposts have changed

    Jukebox Jury
    you asked why everyone laughs at manu jokes but not a liverpool ones.

    it doesn't matter who posts them as they still wouldn't laugh!!!!!

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    lainey

  10. #50
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    'Who do you support?'

    'Oh I'm a Liverpool fan.'

    'Sorry?'

    'I said, I'm a Liverpool fan.'

    'No I heard you the first time, I'm just sorry.'

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  11. #51

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    I wasn't going to comment on this thread but Lucky Lisp took the words right out of my mouth so I had to agree.

    Can you promise never to mention anything about Liverpool football club, Liverpool The City, Liverpool the People (past and present) for the rest of the year amd I'll laugh at your other jokes.
    Why are you so paranoid / defensive about me saying anything about the above subjects?
    Can you not take a bit of banter or criticism? Is Liverpool beyond banter or criticism (the capital of humour?)

    And you're not even from Liverpool - you were born in the same town as I was

    Jukebox Jury

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  12. #52

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    you asked why everyone laughs at manu jokes but not a liverpool ones.
    No I didn't say that at all
    I said if the jokes were about ManU or Leeds eveyone would laugh - including LFC fans.
    You said it was because those two clubs are hated.
    I said that LFC are also hated.
    I then asked if that was the case, why can the jokes not be made against LFC?

    Jukebox Jury

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  13. #53

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Bloody hell Liverpool fans, lighten up a bit. I know your team's in terminal decline and it looks like you'll have seen the last of the Champions League for a good while, but that's no excuse to be so paranoid and argumentative. I think you're just angry because the guy who made this is a City fan and they're gonna replace you in the top 4.

    Calm down, calm down...

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  14. #54

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Here's a few of the more appropriate jokes sickipedia has to offer:

    Fair play to Rafael Benitez.
    His English has improved over the past five years, he's good at writing and speaking.
    Struggles with Reading though.

    Anyone know how to cancel an eBay bid? I bid on a Mickey Mouse outfit and I'm now minutes away from owning a Liverpool FC kit.

    I think everyone is harsh taking the piss out of Liverpool - not long ago they went a whole season unbeaten - Summer I think it was!!

    After Liverpool's 2-1 loss to Reading, a few of my friends were saying the team just wasn't working.
    A bunch of guys from Liverpool? Well I never.

    Looks like reading has once again got the better of Liverpool.

    Apparently, from September, Liverpool's new sponsor will be Butlins.
    Their season finishes in November too.

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  15. #55

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    This thread was started to provoke some sort of a response was it not? Whether it be people responding by adding to the hilarious 'jokes' or quelle surprise, a response from Liverpool fans.
    I fully accept that we are playing SHIT, the Reading debacle was hard to take, but we're not dwelling on it, our support remains and we're taking each game as it comes, hoping for an improvement. I was the first to crack a huge smile when Man U were beaten by Leeds, but you must accept threads of this nature would attract some sort of response? I'm not crying about the jokes, and I can take a joke, mainly when they are funny however. I just find it interesting that a supposedly devout fan of Man City would devote so much time and effort to a thread about Liverpool. Us Liverpool fans are passionate than most and this thread is just shit-stirring and you know it.

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  16. #56

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky_Lisp View Post
    This thread was started to provoke some sort of a response was it not? Whether it be people responding by adding to the hilarious 'jokes' or quelle surprise, a response from Liverpool fans.
    I fully accept that we are playing SHIT, the Reading debacle was hard to take, but we're not dwelling on it, our support remains and we're taking each game as it comes, hoping for an improvement. I was the first to crack a huge smile when Man U were beaten by Leeds, but you must accept threads of this nature would attract some sort of response? I'm not crying about the jokes, and I can take a joke, mainly when they are funny however. I just find it interesting that a supposedly devout fan of Man City would devote so much time and effort to a thread about Liverpool. Us Liverpool fans are passionate than most and this thread is just shit-stirring and you know it.
    What is ANY thread on this (or any) forum designed to do? They are designed to get a response. Yes they can be negative or positive responses.
    I was receiving a few jokes on my mobile phone and thought I'd post them on here. It wasn't thinking...'This will ruin lainey's day and lucky lisp will really be pissed off', I was thinking, it will bring a smile to a few peoples faces.

    I've had that City thread running for a long time now, sometimes kept it going single handidily......and evey game I set myself up for a fall ''Come on City, beat so and so today' and when we lose, I comeback and someone is taking the piss...... and I love it.....that's what it's all about......banter. One week it's City sacking Hughes, the next week it's united losing to Leeds, this week it is LFC.
    Stop taking it so bloody personally. All this nonsence about ''devoting so much of my time'' etc (actually, I was in all last night and had nothing to do, so this actually pased the time for me!) - as Rusholme said 2 posts up. Lighten up and show us your sense of humour.
    And if City get trounced by the Toffees today, come along and post the jokes on the City thread and I will laugh along with you.

    There was no conspiracy theory, no shit stirring and no hidden agenda.
    And do you know what, when someone is genuinely looking for a response, the best thing to do is NOT respond. Because then that in itself causes another response and so it goes. The best thing you and lainey could have done was either stay silent or to say ''Really funny JJ but we'll be back and will have the last laugh over you''.

    That would have ended this discussion from halfway down page 1 and sent this thread down the forum page and into oblivion, but you and lainey kept going on and kept the post at the top with loads of hits. And for that.....I thank you

    Jukebox Jury

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    Last edited by Jukebox Jury; January 16, 2010 at 11:24 AM.

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  17. #57
    Senior Member lainey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Jukebox Jury View Post
    Why are you so paranoid / defensive about me saying anything about the above subjects?
    Can you not take a bit of banter or criticism? Is Liverpool beyond banter or criticism (the capital of humour?)

    And you're not even from Liverpool - you were born in the same town as I was

    Jukebox Jury
    It says on my avatar quite clearly where I'm from, it's always been there.

    by your thinking, since your not from Manchester...any jokes or remarks should leave you emotionless? even the nasty, sick ones to do with the people yes or no?

    Liverpool banter is all very well but it always seem to be from you.
    I chose to comment on this thread to support lucky lisps post as we are thinking the same thing. your in love with Liverpool

    My problem is not with the jokes (as rubbish as they are) it's the sheer quantity of them and the old sterotypes that goes with some of your posts.
    It could be alot worse as some people on this forum are very hateful and you are not.... I guess you have those who are trying to wind people up (you) and the hateful, racists (I know their names)

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    lainey

  18. #58

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by lainey View Post
    It says on my avatar quite clearly where I'm from, it's always been there.

    by your thinking, since your not from Manchester...any jokes or remarks should leave you emotionless? even the nasty, sick ones to do with the people yes or no?

    Liverpool banter is all very well but it always seem to be from you.
    I chose to comment on this thread to support lucky lisps post as we are thinking the same thing. your in love with Liverpool

    My problem is not with the jokes (as rubbish as they are) it's the sheer quantity of them and the old sterotypes that goes with some of your posts.
    It could be alot worse as some people on this forum are very hateful and you are not.... I guess you have those who are trying to wind people up (you) and the hateful, racists (I know their names)
    lainey, go to the pub and watch your team play Joke City it's about to start.
    It's too early in the afternoon to be dealing with pyscho-analysis (if that's spelt correctly?) of what and why I posted.

    Jukebox Jury

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    Last edited by Jukebox Jury; January 16, 2010 at 11:34 AM.

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  19. #59
    Because we MUST Irregular Regular's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    JJ, you MUST promise to never ever post a joke about Liverpool again.
    This is my final warning, I will have you banned if I see one more joke on Liverpool FC or their wonderful people...

    This is an example of what you should never, ever post:

    In the Liverpool slums,
    They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
    They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
    In the Liverpool slums.

    In the Liverpool slums,
    Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
    You can't find a job 'coz you're too f*ckin' thick,
    In the Liverpool slums.

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    Look at me - I'm quaking!

  20. #60

    Default Re: Liverpool FC Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Irregular Regular View Post
    JJ, you MUST promise to never ever post a joke about Liverpool again.
    This is my final warning, I will have you banned if I see one more joke on Liverpool FC or their wonderful people...

    This is an example of what you should never, ever post:

    In the Liverpool slums,
    They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
    They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
    In the Liverpool slums.

    In the Liverpool slums,
    Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
    You can't find a job 'coz you're too f*ckin' thick,
    In the Liverpool slums.
    IR
    What about

    Sign on, sign on, with hope, in your heart, and you'll never get a job, you'll never get a job, sign on....etc (sung to the theme of ''You'll never walk alone'')
    Can I post that or would I be banned?

    Jukebox Jury

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