bored
not bitter but bored
My favourite book is The Four Agreements. It is by Don Miguel Ruiz.
The book outlines four agreements that you make with yourself. If you can live by these you will find a lot of peace in the things that happen to you and the things that have happened to you.
I use them as filters for all situations and I check to see if I broke any of the four. If I didn't then I know I cannot feel responsible or negative about any situation.
Here they are in no particular order:
Take nothing personal
Make no assumptions
Be impeccable with your word
Always do your best
Now let me talk about what they mean to me.
Take nothing personal:
It's not about you. It's about the other person. If someone says you're a fat loser that is about them. It was something that their life and experiences led them to have such a thought manifest in their own mind and something led them to say those words out loud. It isn't about you. The same holds true if someone says, "Wow, you are beautiful/gorgeous/hot." That's not about you either. Only you get to decide how you feel about yourself.
Make no assumptions:
People are terrible at this one. People are always making assumptions about what other people mean or what other people will do or how they will react when the truth is we don't know. Most of these assumptions are founded in fear. When you are constantly making assumptions you are living in fear. If you allow assumptions to control you then you will suffer.
Be impeccable with your word:
This one is pretty self-explanatory but to expand on it a little bit I'd like to say that it not only has to do with the promises you make to others but also to the promises you make to yourself. Additionally, being impeccable with your word includes not exaggerating stories or telling lies so that people will like you. If you mean the things you say you will not have to retract, backtrack or correct yourself. Speak in very concise language that is not ambiguous. Being able to say, "I said I would do X and I did X" will prevent you from feeling guilty about your actions.
Always do your best:
Again, this one is self-explanatory but the power of it is not so obvious. If you always do your best and a situation turns out in a way that you find unfavourable you ask yourself if you did your best. If you did, then there was nothing else you could have done and you don't have to have regrets. If you realize you could have done better then you work at not breaking this agreement in the future.
If you make and keep all four of these agreements you will be able to ask yourself 4 simple questions. Did I take anything personally? Did I make any assumptions? Was I impeccable with my word? Did I do my best?
If you can say that you make and kept all four agreements with yourself then you can be at peace with the outcome. You don't have to like it but you will be sure that there was nothing else you could have done.
Keeping these agreements is hard and if you choose to make them with yourself you will fail. Over time you will fail less and less as you see the results of breaking them. No one will ever achieve perfection but the closer you come to that mark the happier you will be.
The book outlines four agreements that you make with yourself. If you can live by these you will find a lot of peace in the things that happen to you and the things that have happened to you.
I use them as filters for all situations and I check to see if I broke any of the four. If I didn't then I know I cannot feel responsible or negative about any situation.
Here they are in no particular order:
Take nothing personal
Make no assumptions
Be impeccable with your word
Always do your best
Now let me talk about what they mean to me.
Take nothing personal:
It's not about you. It's about the other person. If someone says you're a fat loser that is about them. It was something that their life and experiences led them to have such a thought manifest in their own mind and something led them to say those words out loud. It isn't about you. The same holds true if someone says, "Wow, you are beautiful/gorgeous/hot." That's not about you either. Only you get to decide how you feel about yourself.
Make no assumptions:
People are terrible at this one. People are always making assumptions about what other people mean or what other people will do or how they will react when the truth is we don't know. Most of these assumptions are founded in fear. When you are constantly making assumptions you are living in fear. If you allow assumptions to control you then you will suffer.
Be impeccable with your word:
This one is pretty self-explanatory but to expand on it a little bit I'd like to say that it not only has to do with the promises you make to others but also to the promises you make to yourself. Additionally, being impeccable with your word includes not exaggerating stories or telling lies so that people will like you. If you mean the things you say you will not have to retract, backtrack or correct yourself. Speak in very concise language that is not ambiguous. Being able to say, "I said I would do X and I did X" will prevent you from feeling guilty about your actions.
Always do your best:
Again, this one is self-explanatory but the power of it is not so obvious. If you always do your best and a situation turns out in a way that you find unfavourable you ask yourself if you did your best. If you did, then there was nothing else you could have done and you don't have to have regrets. If you realize you could have done better then you work at not breaking this agreement in the future.
If you make and keep all four of these agreements you will be able to ask yourself 4 simple questions. Did I take anything personally? Did I make any assumptions? Was I impeccable with my word? Did I do my best?
If you can say that you make and kept all four agreements with yourself then you can be at peace with the outcome. You don't have to like it but you will be sure that there was nothing else you could have done.
Keeping these agreements is hard and if you choose to make them with yourself you will fail. Over time you will fail less and less as you see the results of breaking them. No one will ever achieve perfection but the closer you come to that mark the happier you will be.