Liverpool FC Jokes

Jukebox Jury

Retired
A kid was walking down the street, when a car pulls up alongside him.
''I'll give you £10 and a bag of sweets if you get in the car'' the man said.
''No chance'' said the kid.
''Well what about £20 and a bag of sweets?'' the man offered.
''Look dad, f**k off, I'm not going with you to watch that shite at Anfield today'':D

Jukebox Jury
 
Players and staff from Liverpool went to Alderhey Childrens Hospital today to visit the children on the wards.
''It was great to just to put a smile on the face of those less fortunate than us and who face an uncertain future'', said James, aged 7 of Bootle.

Jukebox Jury
 
Liverpool FC's games are now being shown live on Gay TV.
Sky felt that the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 minutes was just too explicit for their viewers:eek:

Jukebox Jury
 
Last edited:
Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.
 
Read em and weep : :thumb:

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS
5 times
British record
1976/77 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
1977/78 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
1980/81 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
1983/84 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
2004/05 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan

UEFA CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1972/73, 1975/76, 2000/01

FA CUP WINNERS
7 times
1964/65, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1988/89, 1991/92, 2000/01, 2005/06

LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
7 times
English record
1980/81, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1994/95, 2000/01, 2002/03

EUROPEAN SUPER CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1977, 2001, 2005

CHARITY SHIELD WINNERS
15 times
1963/64+, 1964/65+, 1965/66, 1973/74, 1975/76, 1976/77+, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1985/86*, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 2000/01, 2006/07

SUPER CUP WINNERS
Once
1985/86

OTHER TROPHIES

Football League Second Division Champions 4

1893/94, 1895/96, 1904/05, 1961/62

Lancashire League Champions 1

1892-93

FA Youth Cup Winners 2

1995/96, 2005/06

Reserves Division One Winners 16

1956/57, 1968/69, 1969/70, 1970/71, 1972/73, 1973/74, 1974/75, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1980/81, 1981/82, 1983/84, 1984/85, 1989/90, 1999/2000
 
Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

Obsessed?:squiffy:
Not really, I just received the jokes as text messages and thought I'd post them here for others to laugh at.

Read em and weep : :thumb:

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS
5 times
British record
1976/77 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
1977/78 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
1980/81 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
1983/84 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
2004/05 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan

UEFA CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1972/73, 1975/76, 2000/01

FA CUP WINNERS
7 times
1964/65, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1988/89, 1991/92, 2000/01, 2005/06

LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
7 times
English record
1980/81, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1994/95, 2000/01, 2002/03

EUROPEAN SUPER CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1977, 2001, 2005

CHARITY SHIELD WINNERS
15 times
1963/64+, 1964/65+, 1965/66, 1973/74, 1975/76, 1976/77+, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1985/86*, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 2000/01, 2006/07

SUPER CUP WINNERS
Once
1985/86

OTHER TROPHIES

Football League Second Division Champions 4

1893/94, 1895/96, 1904/05, 1961/62

Lancashire League Champions 1

1892-93

FA Youth Cup Winners 2

1995/96, 2005/06

Reserves Division One Winners 16

1956/57, 1968/69, 1969/70, 1970/71, 1972/73, 1973/74, 1974/75, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1980/81, 1981/82, 1983/84, 1984/85, 1989/90, 1999/2000

Thanks, I didn't realise 'you' had won the reserves league 16 times. I shall sleep better knowing that.
Congratualtions on a great history. But that means nothing right now. It doesn't get you in the 4th round of the FA Cup, or the semi finals of the League Cup, the final stages of the Chumps League and nor does it guarentee 'you' a top 4 place in the Prem come May.
So enjoy your evening and rather than sit there contemplating whether this is the worst Liverpool team ever over the past 50 years, just get the DVD out and watch those 15 charity shield victories with red tinted specs:lbf:

Jukebox Jury
 
Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

:thumb:
You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.
 
THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

pardon me for bringing this to your attention, but I think you will find another Lancashire club has also won the Championship / Premier League 18 times (and that's a fact:thumb:)

Another fact is that Liverpool have never won the title since the back pass to the goalie (who could then pick the ball up) was banned:lbf:

Jukebox Jury
 
:thumb:
You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.

er, what's that got to do with Liverpool FC?
This thread isn't about the Tate, music festivals etc etc. I have no problem with that or the city of Liverpool, tourist atttractions and it's inhabitants.
It's about having a laugh at the expense of Liverpool FC - who at the moment are a joke. The Yank owners, Spanish waiter manager, players who don't know the meaning of the words ''This Is Anfield''. Or do you disagree?:squiffy:

Jukebox Jury
 
My interested in your obsession with all things Liverpool!!!!!!

I love and respect Rafa Benitez and I am completely uninterested in your crappy jokes.
I'm too bored to even read them.
 
Who makes these jokes up?:rolleyes:They must have a serious amount of time on their hands.:rolleyes::straightface:
 
My interested in your obsession with all things Liverpool!!!!!!

I love and respect Rafa Benitez and I am completely uninterested in your crappy jokes.
I'm too bored to even read them.

Come on....we all know you read them:thumb:
Love and respect Rafa:squiffy:
Take away one night in Istanbul five years ago..... would you be saying the same thing?

Who makes these jokes up?:rolleyes:They must have a serious amount of time on their hands.:rolleyes::straightface:

They are the same jokes recycled every year.... just the name of the club usually changes each year...... this year it is Liverpool:lbf:
Of course, Scousers, with their (self declared) legendary sense of humour will take it all in good fun.....wont you lainey:thumb:

Jukebox Jury
 
Thieves broke into Maine Road last night & stole something from every room except the canteen. That's why they left without any cups.
 
What do Man City Fans and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
 
For comedy value these 'jokes' are lacking in humour and nothing new. (if you're going to tell some jokes at least remember the comedy element) However, I suppose we should be flattered by the attention; actually devoting time from your life to consider Liverpool FC, we're honoured.
 
:(

Don't be mean

JJ started it!!!!!!

Emmanuel Adebayor risked the wrath of Manchester City fans by conducting a television interview wearing an Arsenal T-shirt.

The City striker appeared on Sky Sports news to describe the horrific events in Angloa last Friday night when Togo's team bus was attacked by gunmen.

Three officials were killed and several players injured in the attack - prompting Togo to withdraw from the African Cup of Nations.

Adebayor, who has been given leave by City to spend time with his family following the tragedy, looked clearly traumatised as he spoke to a tv interviewer.

My advice is that man city fans should focus on there own team, their own players and their own problems.
what happened to the Togo team is truely shocking. Liverpool having a bad season is for us to contend with. Man city nearly having a player killed is a more worthy of your time. He is your player.
 
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