If you over the age of 13 and asking for autographs it's a bit lame is'nt it?

If he came in to a place I was waiting table's I'd be stressing all night hoping Moz would not turn out to be a cheap bastard stiffing everybody! I could'nt enjoy the experience for fear of being forever disappointed. Certain things are best left unknown. Every waiter will tell you that they judge everyone based on their generosity, if he turned out a cheapass it would be hard to listen to anything by him ever again.

First, I would beg, plead and bargain with whomever of my coworkers is assigned to the table to switch with me.

Then, I'd breathe...a few times, so I don't faint while walking to the table.

Oh hell, one knee buckles in anxiety and I slip in adoration at Moz's feet. I kindly ask Jesse, Solomon, Boz or Russell (!) to help me up. Moz possibly peers down bursting with great chuckles.

Back up on my feet, brush off the dust and broken glass apologetically. Put on my biggest smile, and say, "Dear Moz, Jesse, Boz, Solomon, Russell... you fine gentlemen are quite the heroes tonight. How is everyone doing? Good, good, very well. Now how may I serve you tonight?"

All of the above...

I'd feign illness and scarper. I wouldn't dare approach him even if we were stuck in a lift together.

ask him if he wanted the chicken or fish because I'm the waiter and that's my job. Side of stewed tomatoes and some rice.
Then I'd probably rope him in again with the dessert cart....double jello with the bananas in it.
After all the moves and the charm, nothing less than a Jackson will do as a tip.

first things first! for me :)
1. give him a warm smile
2. i'll nod my head to him, if our tables separate far, and lipsync, "welcome, Moz, welcome"
3.after i finished my eat, i'll ask him permission to have a photograph with him, or just give him a warm handshaking moment, with a few compliment on his music on me.
4. get a sleep after got home, and praying, OH, THANK YOU GOD FOR THOSE MOMENTS. amin :p

Would anyone be tempted to screw up the order on purpose and bring him a medium rare steak, and just wait for the reaction acting like it was a total accident? ....I wouldn't.

I'd slip him a Mickey.

...I might organize a covert operation to secretly steal a semen sample and impregnate my girlfriend unbeknownst to her!

I'd walk over and say: "Dude, that Southpaw Grammar rekkid kicks ass, man. It rocks. But I was kinda upset when you, like, sang America Is Not The World, dude. That was kinda lame. And then you, like, kinda put that revolting picture on the Greatest Hits sleeve. And now I'm kinda confused y'know. Am I, like, allowed to dig your music or not"?

theUShillbillybloke

They are oceans apart..

Inside I'd want to get his autograph and a picture with him.

But what I'd actually do would be to simply acknowledge I know who he is (so he doesn't feel like a nobody) and just wait on him like any other customer. I'd like to think he deserves to go out without having people constantly pawing at him and fawning over him.

Thanks for accepting my poll- I actually thought of my friends that are Moz fans and the different things that they would do.

I think keeping his silverware would be great, but I'd have to opt out for a more polite greeting.

I'd love to say that I wouldn't "bother" him, but I'd have to make some foolish attempt to flatter him. I'd also pay for his food!

... "What are you doing in a dump like this?" Then I'd ask to take a photo. I would not go crazy or make a fool of myself. I'd also thank him for all of his great work over the years.
thetexasbloke

 

Do you want fries with that 'shake'? ;p

...suggesting that he reimburse me for my gas money I blew on last year's cancelled show. We're talking almost nine hours of driving time here. An extremely generous tip sure would go a long way in evening things up, the way I see it.

"Hey, aren't you Donny Osmond?"

"How'd you like my autograph?"

"If you order water and a 'bunch of lemons' so you can make your own free lemonade, I'm going to charge you, fella."

"I've got a great idea for a song you can do, let me pull up a chair and tell you about--no? Oh. Okay. No, that's fine. Really. It's cool. I am in charge of the food on your plate tonight, though. I'm just saying."

...I'd run down the road, pick up a copy of any Mozz
album and get that bugger signed - somehow.

The first time, I was a hostess at a restraunt that he came in to. I acted like I didn't notice him sitting waiting for a table 4 feet from me for 10 minutes. that is, "I" pretended not to know him, however the other wait staff kept coming up to me and saying "There he is! Are you going to say hi? Talk to him!".- totally embarrassing. In the end, I left him alone but our manager said she wanted to get his picture and autograph as he was leaving, so she took me with her and he took a pic with me as well.

The other two times, I was waitressing at a nightclub. the first time, I didn't say anything. He ordered a Corona. The second time he came back later that month, he ended up getting cornered by fans wanting autographs. I gave him my drink tray so he could write on something.

The rest of the story, he doesn't remember doing.

Here Mozzer, here boy, got this for you special at Target. Eat it up you little ungrateful poop dropper. Last time i do anything special for you. Nipping at my hand, why, i ought to have you make my lunch, make my bed, clean the damn house, keep the accounts balanced- making my life a living hell

Moz- Do my laundry! Cut the lawn, my back my back, my back -

I am glad my x moved to a high velocity hurricane zone.

Goodbye my love.

I'd offer Moz some of Robbie Williams left over pudding.

Love ya Moz

i thought he was dead...??

Hey, have you seen Cowboy Neal?

I'd ask him if he thinks Edward should turn Bella into a vampire of if she should just stick with Jacob. I have a feeling his eyes would light up when I mentioned the vampire..... but you never know.

come up to him and sing a Nina Hagen song (specially Naturtraene) so he could hire me as a backing vocalist because I really need right now and I think being a singer would be no harder than being anything else. Even to be a toilet cleaner these days you have to send a flawless resume with 40 references, so competitive the job market is.

I'd ask Moz how old is too old for playing on-line video games. I would then ask him if I should keep my Runescape account or move on to World of Warcraft. He may ask to see my skill cape or may just be looking for directions to Varrock or Witchaven. Such a noob, that Moz......

OK Moz, which is it? Which is better? Which do you turn to for all of your dirty little secrets (or your dirty big secrets)? And do we really need cell phones? Are there really that many important people we need to talk to? Can anyone tell I'm not being entirely serious with these posts? I post because I can- LOL.

I would pull up a chair beside him and spoon feed him.

Hmmm,it's difficult to say how I'd react.
Suffice to say,when I met Moz at a Vauxhall & I album signing,I remember saying "It was worth the wait", to which he replied "How Do You Know?". An expected Morrissey answer, I suppose!

A moment I'll never forget! If I ever met him again,
I'm sure it would be just as memorable, but would kick myself if I didn't say anything as these opportunities don't come along often...

Although that's a little creepy and I'd hate to be labelled as a stalker/nutjob by those around him or the man himself, so I'd probably just settle for somewhere in between the polite autograph and then, as he was departing I'd throw in a "and bytheway Morrissey, don't be too underwhelmed but, I love you".

However, it's really only Moz and a couple of other famous people I'd ever feel nervous meeting. Having met quite a few film/tv stars and authors in my various jobs, and forever seeming to spot popstars and reality tv rejects when I go out in London, I really don't get the fuss over the cult of celebrity; they're mainly as ordinary and as boring as the rest of us.

Usually when meeting any celeb, I feel a brief moment of curiosity, followed by overwhelming indifference, but also embarrassment that the public are looking at me because I'm stood near, or talking to, said celeb. The only stars I've met who caused feelings akin to what Morrissey would provoke were two of the Pythons.

If I ever met Morrissey, I'd like it to be somewhere a bit less busy than a restaurant; a public space whereby I could exchange a few quiet words of thanks and admiration before crawling back under my rock.

I'd also ask if I could give him a kiss on the cheek, but I suspect, after raising an eyebrow in a suggestive fashion and asking which cheek, he'd politely decline and I'd go very red and say something incredibly stupid.

In fact, it'd probably just be a good idea not to speak and write him a quick note expressing that which could never spill articulately from my uncouth Northern gob.

As somebody who works in the hospitality industry I know the thin line and when it can't be crossed. I'd acknowledge I knew who was, and politely tell him I appreciate what he's done and leave it at that.

If I were still waiting tables at this age, I would be much more concerned about that then anything having do to with who was sitting at the table.

But I would probably tell him unobtrusively that I love his work and adore him, and then apologize for interrupting him and leave him alone, minus waiterly duties.

I would try to act as if I didn't know him, although I would be tempted to do all of the other listed things ... I know that people who are famous (and earning a lot of money by the way) have to endure it to be known and asked for autographs wherever they go, but I still would try to do the nice thing and leave him private. Maybe I would tell him in the end that I love his music though, because it would be very hard not to say anything ...
Well, it's an academic question anyway because I don't do waiting and I don't think he'll ever do archival research so we'll never meet :(

If I was in that situation and he came into my place of work id probably be in jail right now on a rape charge lol, id have to be tied down in order to stop me pouncing on his gorgeous self!!!

The last thing I would do is rush to my computer to publish a post in this site telling everyone that I saw Moz, where, at what time, what he was wearing, how did he look, what did he say... That happens here quite often and I think is quite rude and not nice for him.

I would be aloof and would not pay one second of attention to mozzer. i would make eye-contact only with his guest and would mumble in the opposite direction, "what would you like, sir..."

throughout the course of their dining experience, I would continue to ignore him. however, i would still give him the respect of delivering his food and drink on time and with respect.

at the end of their meal, i would bring the bill and deliver it straight to mozzer with a little note, "I Keep Mine Hidden..." I would look at him in the eyes and give him a warm smile.

I fear that'd be the night for sure I'd be fired.

The poll however is a credit to Bret Park's playful creative thinking. ; )

Right. First off, I'd slip some laxatives in his pud - super strong 'uns. Then leg it to the bogs, take off me clothes and grease meself all over. Then slip like an eel into the toilet bowl, deeper and deeper like, until I'm right in there - legs all twisted round the u-bend an' that - with just me tilted back head keeping me face all nice an' dry. Then I'd wait.

who put 'politely ask for an autograph and photo' should be ashamed of themselves, this is morrissey here, you shouldn't ask anyone for autographs as they are in fact real people, as are you.
x laura

If it seemed appropriate I'd tell him that I generally like his music and what he seems to stand for. I'd tell him briefly and matter of factly. Other than that, I'd just serve him, unless he made it known to me that he wanted something else.

i suffer from OCD and i think this is dandy and fine.
others will view it as obsessive and mad............
(this comment previously posted in the wrong area but hell..)

Im a slave to cd promos / vinyl / imports / rarities / as it is.

(example)
I've just bought the ''M in Manchester'' on 'UMD' movie / PSP format
BUT I DON'T EVEN OWN A PSP.

I figure they will be rare in a couple of years.

(a little like the lazerdisc / DAT thing of strangeways thats almost impossible to find)

Now you can take the mickey ..............

Im going on holiday now so i dont give a *@*! ;-)))))

be visibly shaking as I poured his Corona into his glass, then accidentally spill it all over his lap. I'd then break out in song as I was cleaning him off singing "Why do you come here
when you know it makes things hard for me, when you know, oh why do you come?" He'd be so charmed by my idiocy that he'd slip me his phone number and we'd rendezvous later that evening. I'd soon be singing "it was a good lay, good lay"

I'd take a bunch of pictures then save the plate, glass and silver, then sell 'em on ebay. This is why i'd never last waiting tables. Truthfully, I doubt I'd have the presence of mind to do anything but stare.

I would definetely keep all his used cutlery & food.

I'd walk over to his table with cock in hand, timing it perfectly so as soon as I arrive at his table, I blast a huge chunky load all over his face.

I would share my T-Bone Steak...........

I'd love to personally cook for him.
Well,
I'd Happily wait on him.. Smile A lot! and give him the best service that I could possibly give..Id be patient.
Then, eeeek slip in a lil note and hope for an Autograph.!!!!
hmmm maybe a respectful hug and kiss as he left, a Thank you and Bye and say I love Ya!.
And Hope He'd come back.>:)

Yes.. Then melt like the wicked which of the west!

lol
Silly post.
Yet, Imaginative.:)

Thanks

I bet he's one of those people who demands to speak to your manager too

Sorry this is nothing to do with the poll but im off to america this summer with a couple friends, hiring a car a going around the sand deigo, la, las vegas part of the country. I don't know any americans and the websites just seem to be for old people so i was wondering if any americans on this website could give me some suggestions for places to go? Cos i don't wanna just see tourist stuff. Can anyone help?

Ian

a nice juicy steak.

I would give him a big smile, make sure the kitchen didn't let any animal products touch his food in anyway, and I would write
I *heart* S-T-E-V-E-N
on his napkin and then just be a good waitress. :)

I would tell him that the new york steak is on special tonight.

how he likes his steak.

rather than asking for the stake, i'll take it to him and throw it over his face... no... of course a pic and autograph :p

..recommend the steak!

including me, check out this pendant I found
on ebay today... very cool.

I'll watch the bidding since it is up for 9 days.
Uggg.. I have to wait till then.. shit.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Morrissey-Always-Viva-Moz-Ster ling-Silver-Pendant_W0QQitemZ260254177012QQihZ016Q QcategoryZ92815QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewIt em