well, give me serge gainsbourg instead any day.
but i believe 'late night, maudlin street' should have been in this pool

of course...

Followed by You've Had Her.

esp. "you know i couldn't last"

i don't think i could keep a straight face having sex to a morrissey song it would just be too weired

"i started something..."

this is fun.

You do all know what this song is about don't you?

Are you all repressed serial killers?

despite the fact he may not have penned it, "skin storm" is decicively the best nookie tune our moz has sung.

Glamorous Glue (it actually means cum)
Seasick, and yet still docked (I've had that feeling before.. do I pull out and walk away?!)
Best friend on the payload
Wide to Receive
(I'm) the end of the family line (an anthem for premature ejaculators?)
There's a Place in Hell for me and my friends (a group sex anthem)
November Spawned a Monster (did I remember to take the pill?)
I don't Mind if You forget me
Let the right one slip in

broken

"let the right one slip in"

helps us paranoid types

... from the list, although the person suggesting "You Know I Couldn't Last" made me laugh out loud. Nice one. :-)

who the hell is "Morrissay"?

a romp in the hay to "I Don't Mind if you foget me"

Sex? Please. Barbarism, indeed.

-W. Porter

urgh! what a revolting concept.

girlfriend in a coma and I won't share you

Bah. That's not enough time. Where's the romance, people? Takes me that long just to light the candles, anoint myself with fragrant oil and set up the trapeze.

If only a quickie, I guess "I Know Very Well How I Got My Name." The guitar-plucking lends itself well. However, for major long-playing lovin', er do I dare say "Vauxhall and I?" Well, yes, I guess I just did. Got my bells rung during "Quarry." That voice of his just does it for me.

Hmm, Put me down as other.

it's got to be Skin Storm.

If its sex.....definitely "Handsome Devil"

"And I would like to give you what I think your asking for"

If its making love....I would say "Late Night Maudlin"
 

that's hilarious.

For those hardcore, sweaty, rough nights of insanity, "Jack the Ripper". Original version only, please.

Find me a creepier/sexier song in his catalog.

never had no sex ever :-(

If I can find said "fountain" of course.

I'd agree with the previously mentioned Skin Storm and I Won't Share You. Let Me Kiss You is also good, but I do like Whatever Happens I Love You. Perfect bedroom material !!!!! But it's probably only good if your partner likes Moz too.

....it really does make a BIG difference.

You know the old joke....

I hooked up with some slut at a party - she took one look at my tiny knob and said..."who do you expect to please with THAT?!

and I said..."ME"!

-The Treading Lemming

I can honestly say that "I have not had a good session with anybody while Morrissey's voice is gracing the room in the backround." I never really thought of his solo music or The Smiths to be romantic in any way. His lyrics are socially, politically and philosophically romantic but not sexually at all. I don't usually listen to Pop, Rock and Alternative when I am 'in the moment' or 'in the mood' or so to speak. If you are with the right partner and you are in the perfect situation, you never hear what is going on around you anyways! If if you are fortunate enough to be with the one that you could never have, the only music playing will be the songs that you are making. I love Morrissey's music more than any other, but the bedroom {or church} would most likely be the two places that I will never hear it!
 

And not cos of the slushy title but cos he sounds so damn sexy!

On the desk is where I want you... phwoargh

sorry... just kidding...

I don't think I've ever had sex or even masturbated to anything by Morrissey or the Smiths. Seriously, Morrissey or the Smiths do not make me horny, usually just sad and reminiscent. Things I'd rather not feel when I'm about to get lucky.

My Love Life.

Suffer Little Children
Meat is Murder
Still Ill
Nowhere fast
Vicar in a tutu
I started something I couldn't finish
Angel Angel Down we go together
The Operation
Wide to receive
Sorrow will come in the end (ouch!)

...of his reputation as the celibate, sexless, skinny, white english singer he once was.

Who knew Morrissey's art really was just so damn...er...sexy??? Not the plethora of misquoting, misguided, quick-to-stereotype hacks out there that for years have painted our main man as the anti-Barry White in this department.

And maybe even to his most rabid fans like us this side of Moz went largely underappreciated so to speak.

So let's have some of his juiciest, sauciest, innuendo-laden lines repeated here and now please...who goes first?

       

New Song Titles :

1- Cowards of the after hours
2- Never gonna die (just my luck)
3- Falling asleep at the wake
4- Put that away!
5- Makebelieve love
6- The very unlonley libraian
7- Smiling stalker
8- Hopeless ~ but not poor
9- Paige turner
10-I know you are..but what am I?

I can't believe David T. actually approved of this poll.

The juvenile comments are really awful. I am sure that Morrissey is cringe-ing right now.

Always-

Ken

so I didnt know what to put. I just put other.
Is it wrong to be a virgin?
Im 18.
how about These things take time or never had no-one ever

It would have to be Miserable Lie for the sentiment. Muisc by the Smiths and Mozzer tho demands to be listened to. Not the sort of stuff you want to play during sex. Music as wallpaper is best during sex: anything with a repetitive drum beat basically. Moz is probably best saved for immediately after orgasm, when you're often filled with disgust and self-loathing. Or is that just me? Anyway, Carry On Morrissey...

OH Yes, Yes, Yes, OH YES!

Don't talk to me now
about people who have sex
Cause I have spent my whole life
in ruins
Because of people who have sex

-----

Erection is one thing
but erection for a fool is cruel

BANKROBBER

Hello darlings,

Personally I think Wide to receive is my favourite - gentle and so packed with innuendo and yes, since there is a clear devision between screwing and making louuuuuve then my top three in both categories would be (in no order):

The one-night stand soundtrack:
Maladjusted (just to hear him say "low cut blouse")
Boy racer (but obviously this isn't a performance rating)
Alsatian Cousin (for the growliness in the vocals and the lyrics)

Barry-White nights in:

Come back to Camden (!I'll be good!" Will you really?!?!?!)
All the lazy dykes (For it's languid, Los Angeles suitry drawling .... thing)
Let me kiss you (oh, go on then)

Wow - all off the latest offering - I surprise even myself

If I'm alone, then its "Yes I am Blind".

When I'm with someone, its "Let the right one slip in".

All joking aside, the BEST sex album is Portishead's "Dummy" album.

I could never ever have sex to a Morrissey song, that's just horrible.

we Morrissey fans dont have sex... it's a written rule.

It is so ironic that this poll is taking place because I lost my virginity at the age of 18 and while this was happening, my boyfriend was playing the new Morrissey album at the time, which was "Your Arsenal". I could hear Glamorous Glue playing in the background during the ordeal.

..no one has mentioned 'there is a light..'!

I've had some amazing times with that playing.

has a good rhythm, plus the 'woah woah woah woah' ending of Moz doing his Elvis impression, which ties in nicely with the appropriate noises... but from the list, it'd probably be 'Jack The Ripper', for the passionate, lust filled cries of 'I want you' and the sense of pure physical delight mixed in amongst the wicked desires of Saucy Jack.
But I try not to play any of my favourite artists or songs during The Act, as then the music is inextricably tied to that person and that moment, and should they break your heart or give you a bad experience, it would forever ruin the song.
I do like to have a laugh in bed though, so I suspect something from The Smiths back catalogue would suit sex better; probably Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others, as the reference to Carry On Cleo cracks me up ... Oooh I say.

Driving your girlfriend home

The hills of Morrissey-solo though are certainly not ‘full of celibate cries’! After all, as that song observed, ‘people are still having sex’!

“She took away your troubles
Oh, but then again
She left pain.”

Yes, the worst and the best of times...the musical “Some Girls are Bigger than Others” conveys the potentials for ambivalence well.

Why not "November spawned a monster". I was quite drunk that night!

Scotty

I would have chosen "How Soon is Now" but there wasn't this option so I had to come up with "Jack the Ripper". The way he 'clasps his fists'in "Who Put the M", and the way he stretches his arms in the opening of the song...is very powerfully erotic complement for the song. He astounds me by the way he exhudes eroticism so naturally at this moment of the show, and during that playful second when he smiles looking up (for whom?), he's as casual about this volcanic sensuality, which is spitting out of this song as if he were merely watching a hummingbird kissing a flower...Very strange, compellingly strange, even more so for the fact that this song seems to have been made specially (by Boz) for Moz.

"Skin Storm" is so romantic, soooo passionate, i think it should' ve in this poll in the first place...

Jack the Ripper (with "Last of the International" a close second for the ego boostin' title)...

Yeah "Jack" is about the intensity of a killer stalling his prey....well lust and sex are pleasures closely related to the intensity of murder, thus MOZ wrote this song to show how close those of us that actually have the ability to feel are to those that are of those that take it one step further from lust and envy to "romantic killing"....I think that's what I mean?

because of the beautiful melody

Surely a little a bit of lyrical alteration can be effective

i'm just odd, that's all.

'you know i couldn't last' would be all well and such, as it is a climaxing song, but the title doesn't have good implications, er, yes?

I'm sure someone mentioned this one. I'll leave my name off because if my wife finds out I posted this then I'll be the quarry.

I get really aroused when I think of a muscular man dressed in a red babydoll and a blong wig. Morrissey would look ultimately sexy singing Picadilly Palare and wearing those. I think then is when'd chase him around like a Jack the Ripper.

IS having sex. His voice is so seductive now, having sex while he's singing would be superfluous. Good thing my husband is a Moz fan, or I might have some explaining to do.

but if I ever do, I'll be lucky to hold out for the length of "Shakespear's Sister"

I will never marry

I like to listen to meat is murder. From the fore play of The headmaster ritual to the closing off - mmmmmm actually i dont make it past Nowhare fast, But I normaly fuck on any way. Im single now cos I gave my heart to a girl who dissapered to university. But the last two girls i slept with both tasted it to the sounds of morrissey/smiths. Well if they cant take Mozz they couldnt take me. Introduce them to my true love!
Dont matter now cos im empty, lost and lonley and unable to think of other girls since she went from my life. I would very much like to see her again.

MC Jay Clevedon

I start off with Louder Than Bombs, followed by Me Early Burglary Years,if we're still going at it, then Best of volumes I and II.

The others are all just far too short.

love
The Long Haired Lover

I absolutely never have sex. The last virgin of 21 years-old

elchicoconlaespinaenelcostado@hotmail.com

Please, help me. I´ll send you a photo if you tell me how ugly are I.

Irish sperm, English eggs
This I'm made of
There is no one on earth
I'm afraid of
And no, drag queen
Can pluck or suck me

I've been screaming for a time when
To be English is not to be labelled
To be bending by the flag receiving Anal
Painless or Painful

I've been dreaming of a time when
The English are sick to death of gay bars, and whoring
And spit upon the name of Ms. Dame Edna

these song selections are for the birds. i would have put in some of these:

  -How Soon is Now
  -Last Night I Dreamt
  -I Know it's Gonna Happen Someday
  -Suedehead
  -November Spawned a Monster
  -Whatever Happens, I Love you

You have never been in love
Until you're seeing stars
In a stall at the gay bar

And you have never been in love
Til' you seen semen blown
Out of a fat human bone

We are the preening, partly gay
And you're riding on my meat
Like Hector who was the ...

First of the Gang with a dick in his hand
And the first to suck cock, the First of the Gang to Fuck

Such a fruity boy

Hector was the...

First of the Gang with a cock in his palm
And a Penis in his Anus, and the first lost lad lapping a load

(And he slept with the Rich and the poor, and this fat scary bitch and this hairy whore)

Weel i don't know but isn't it quite tongue-in-cheek to add "you know i couldn't last" to the poll? What does the title imply in this subject?

with the line "How do you come here when you know you make things HARD for me....

i have not had sex since March 23, 2001. i wouldn't normally tell strangers, but i figure here i'm just a faceless name in the crowd. i'm not sure what the problem is, i'm not too choosy, and i'm not ugly. I know that you would like me if only you could see me, if only you could meet me.

This is an odd poll. I could understand the question in regards to Bowie or Depeche Mode or The Doors but it seems like The Smiths and Morrissey transcend sex. While many songs have homoerotic/erotic tinges they are less about the flesh and more about the mind. I consider myself quite the musical slut and yet I almost would feel sacreligious doing it to the strains of Moz. Sex is important but the music of The Smiths seems to address the intricacies of the entire human experience more so than one aspect, sex. Again, I question why my poll topic suggestion was disallowed : "What is the best homoerotically toned Smiths song"....it would be interesting and laregely debatable but I guess the powers that be are homophobic or whatever. Let's face it loves, Morrissey intentionally imbues his lyrics with an ambigious, often-times homoerotic sexuality. The rejection of my poll topic reminds me of several of the idiots who populate songmeanings.net, constantly insisting that Morrissey's sosngs have no gay subtext. It's like, let's go back to High School Senior English people and learn to read between the lines!

Alone: Wide to Receive (because you can just close your eyes and see Morrissey laying there ready and wide to receive almost anything you'd care to leave.)

Together: Suedehead. because its a good lay.

Actually, i had sex to The Smiths last week.

Ithought i was a great idea, BUT, it was quite uncomfortable, like someones whatching.

Someone whos tried it? Someone whos felt the same?

Mmmmmmmmmmm

should we be having sex in the first place?!!!

i haven't had it since 13 when i discovered The Smiths. Don't tell me he's changed his mind?!! DAMN all those wasted years.

Mine would be Boy Racer in that case!!!

Feel Around my Mountain...?

A poll that doesn't ask which song to cry to, die to or sit alone with.........

I'd go at it with jack the Ripper, but first, I'd say that there would have to be a little disrobing to "Disappointed".

Because, well, how do you pick just one?

Does a Nocturnal Admission count?

a smiths tune..
'Stretch out and Wait'

i wish Moz would do more subtle, relaxing songs..

that Quarry is perhaps the WORST CD to have sex to. I did when it came out. Somehow, making love whilst someone croons "Monday - Humilation" etc...Doesn't do it for me!

But I'd say Skin Storm or, even, Lifegaurd Sleeping...For those, y'know, gentler moments!

Jessica xx

DEFINITELY!!!! ... and TROUBLE LOVES ME!!!!

M O Z Z E R A

Ouch - Why would anyone want to choose Hairdresser on Fire?

I don’t think I ever could, not to any Morrissey song. I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything else when I’m listening to Morrissey or smiths songs.

I find the lyrical content so powerful; that I almost have to stop what I’m doing and listen……. But if I was forced to them I’d go with the majority, Jack the ripper, but the live version from Beethoven was deaf.

on what sex I'm doing. When I'm taking it up my fadge I like to listen to suedehead, when I'm taking it up the rusty sheriff's badge I like to listen to The Operation.

I will gurgle from the circle!

Anyone else notice that THE CURE is Great(!) to have sex to ? Bloodflowers especially... Criticise if you will, but have sex while listening to Bloodflowers first and then tell me I'm wrong !!!

-Man of Vision

Big Mouth Strikes Again

But only if you are really lucky ;)

I'm surprised this wasn't on the poll. Where do they keep their brains?

Come Armageddon Come!

Need I say more?

this certainly is the one...

'Let me get your hands on your mammary gland and let me get your head on a conjugal bed'

'I crack the whip and you skip'

'Who will swallow whom?'

'I would like to give you what I think you're asking for'

The rawness of the words and the music just screams sex.

you dont have sex to morrissey
you quiver under sheets with morrissey
not get laid

I indulged in a highly charged sexually affair that was conducted to the smiths and morrissey albums. we wondered if he would approve of us having such a fantastic debauched time to his music. However,we are no longer together and I cant listen to Come Back To Camden without crying - that will teach me to enjoy myself. I have been punished. Its back to endless repeats of LNIDSLM and no more signing I Like you at the top of my voice