It's only Monday morning and somehow I managed to get up early enough to have a relaxed coffee before work. Actually this week will be quite nice for many reasons like...

• a bank holiday on Thursday 
• Morrissey release party in Cologne on Wednesday 
• hopefully the arrival of our key-mailorder-package with the new album
• finally a new photo-project starting on Tuesday
• enjoying a weekend away from home (and away from hyper people going to be at the MEN Arena, unlike me...)
• the weather forecast 
• ...

I'm sure if I think about it long enough, I'll find even more reasons!

The show on Saturday will surely be amazing. I can't wait to listen to a bootleg or something. What a birthday present he is making himself. The crowd will surely show him more love and affection than ever, probably burying him in flowers and singing for him.

Work is waiting!
I'll be relaxed and patient with the kids today, that's always the best way to start the week - I should get up early every day!

How delightful, it's already Tuesday but feels like Monday. Does it make sense? Well, it means I'm still in the fresh-week-modus but the weekend is a day closer than usually.

But anyway - I really must stop living for the weekend so much. Especially when the week has so much to offer. To be honest it IS quite difficult for me to see it in the last few weeks, I seem to be completely burnt out when I get home from school. There are always papers that wait for me, phonecalls to do or reports to write - but I just can't do much more than... actually not much at all. Watching a dvd (falling asleep in the middle), or the gym twice a week.. that's all!

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No, your timing is right, it's NOT Tuesday of course but already Saturday. See what I mean? I can't even finish my journal entries.

Oh well.

The girls will arrive soon, we're going to have a trashy night, watch Eurovision, have enough sparkling wine to sing along and hopefully have some intense friendship moments, that's what I need.

I'm very glad that this week is almost over. I'm between motivation and frustration, concerning school, all the time. It's all too long and too much to write down at a quarter to midnight, let's just say there is a lot of pressure flowing down the hierachic ladder onto our shoulders. What motivates me is to see that I finally seem to earn the first fruit of all those hard months with the kids. It's been awhoile since I had to be very angry with them - they've understood, it seems, that I'm onlytrying to build up a goodlearning atmosphere. Today 3 student teachers tried a lesson and I could sit in the back and just observe my class. A very warm moment, to see their curious faces, or their sleepy eyes, they're all so unique in their own way. Even though they're about the same age, the differences either physical or mental state are huge! Sometimes my responsibility overwhelmes me, so I try to remind myself to give those creatures the respect they deserve. Always, even in those moments when certain boys fight in one corner of the classroom while another one slaps the ruleron the table to the sound of the screaming girls, haha! It's Friday tomorrow.
Goodnight for now!

I'm just having a flashback - I read the lyrics in "Bestsongs" journal to Daniel Balavoine's "Tous les cris, les SOS" - that must have been 1985? Those days I had to spend with my aunt and uncle in Paris. I was 13 then, but the first time I went there I was 11, all alone on a non-stop-train Cologne/Paris-Nord. I could tell endless stories about those times with my uncle and aunt... such weird days! They never had children on their own, so all of my aunt's nices visited them. Somehow I'm grateful for many things I've learnt there, like how to find my way in such a big city, to learn French, a tiny bit of wine knowledge and a huge knowledge about the longing to see the world... They've travelled the whole world - but I think I've mentioned this before? I always thought he was the wisest man on earth, though when I grew up I realized that I don#t agree with all of his opinions. I still respect him very much. Did I mention he is very ill? He is now a grumpy old man who probably suffers most that he can't move by himself anymore, and I'm too much of a coward to call him. The last time we spoke he wasn't very nice to me, commenting about weight I had gained (which I lost again now) and that was when I decided that I didn't really want to put myself in such a position again, where he could hurt me.
Wait, I didn't really want to write about all this here, and I'm probably rambling as I'm also tired... in this flow when your thoughts make funyn spirals in your head...
My day was just not incredibly good. But also such days are important to learn about yourself, and I'm currently getting to know myself,my needs, my dreams. As if I never had any before -I guess they just never counted to me? It's maybe a bit painful for close people around me who I'll have to disappoint, just by saying NO. But it's for the best.
I'm quite thankful that I realize that a grumpy mood tells me when I just need a break. Bath tub waiting!

Yes, I probably know what your assosiations are when a bunch of girls meet, have some sparkling wine and plan to buy lingerie (see previous entry).

If you want to keep that image alive - don't read any further!

The real scenario was like this...

Driving to my friends house, I was feeling quite well in my skin and even though I already knew that I probably WOULDN'T end up buying anything (prices way too high, so I had already heard before) I was still looking forward to just a fun night with the girls.

With the first look over the HUGE amount of lingerie I already knew that there wouldn't be any fun involved. Oh dear. Some of the sets were "nice", but certainly nothing more that this and the prices just incredibly high (a simple bra for 70€??). No way. Colours between bordeux, grey and light blue... Again, I guess I just wasn't a member of the target group.

What followed the was a boring, repetitive 90-min presentation about how special those products are... I could barely keep my eyes open.

The funny thing about it is that a few years ago, I did some illustrations for a newspaper magazine about those "Dessous-parties" ... We had the shooting on a Sundaymorning at 8 am and I tell you this was way more fun!

http://people.freenet.de/sweetness/bilder9.jpg

Off to my first "Dessous-Party" - I don't know if that's something international? Let's say a fancier version of the famous Tupperware-parties!

No, won't take my camera this time... ;)

I'm old.
Not yet 32 but REALLY old.

What happened was this...

I was standing in the kitchen preparing the first aspergus of the year - what a delight! - when my mobile rang. A friend called me to tell me that they were giving away tickets for the Franz Ferdinand radio show in May.

So I called.

einslive radio: "Hello this is einslive"

me: "Hi, I'm Natalie and the answer is: Franz Ferdinand."

einslive: "yes that's right! How old are you Natalie?"

me. "31"

einslive: "Ok, Natalie, if you win, we're going to call you or you'll hear your name on air later. bye!"

*click*

That was it. Ok, they might have been able to see my number on their dislay, but still. I know they didn't write it down. Why did they ask for my age anyway?
No more a part of the radio stations target group. Ha!

I'm going to email them.

The cherry trees are already losing their petals and the streets are covered with soft pink and white spots. Now I can only hope many bees have been busy enough to turn all those fruit knobs into sweet juicy cherries! I really like to have some fruit in the garden, especially cherries!

----that was how my mood was like this early morning after I got home, around 8 am. I had slept over at Jasmin's after her bachelorette party which was really nice. It wasn't maybe as wild as one could imagine (I still don't think that there was alcohol in any of the cocktails! I feel betrayed!) but us girls had a really nice time. We made her sell garter belts which she was wearing under a monk costume... She had made some good money at the end of the night, needless to say! She also got a stripper, dressed as an American Cop. Now I don't know why this is, but I'd rather see a beautiful girl dancing. I just can't really find it sexy. There has to be more for me, I guess. But it was just for the fun of it anyway! I spent the night on her couch with her cats warming my feet...

I felt very alive and active when I got home, it was a beautiful spring day at first, but after a nap on the couch I didn't wake up properly again and so I'm still tired...

This week at work I'm going to have my "Revision" which means that our principle will come and watch one of my lessons. After this she'll write a report and hopefully in September I will be "Beamter auf Lebenszeit" (civil servant?) It basically means I can't be fired and have a very safe job. Quite important these unsure days...

Also, I started teaching 2sexual education" again in a 4th grade class. It's just very easy to teach since the motivation couldn't be higher! They've asked me if we just work theoretically or.... haha, well, no practice here! Some girls announced they'll design a poster for that subject - I wonder what this will be like! I have a mailbox in my class where they can all ask me anything anonymously, I'm sure they'll use that too. For me it's important to makeclear to them how beautiful it is when connected to the right feelings. Early enough they'll learn about other possibilities!

Saw Keane last week, "one of those hyped British bands", you think now, don't you? First I want to say that I'm very impressed with their beautiful songwriting and the singer's voice. It's just the mixture that I totally like. And still... isn't it sad that once a band starts to get hyped you already fear you'll only hear their songs in supermarkets and elevators soon? I really hope they'll be successful as they deserve it, and I hope they'll always stay as nice as they were in Cologne. Not only the drummer gave me a set of drumsticks - no, I didn't even to ask for it! I don't know how he knew? I also got a nice t-shirt. Oh well, I'm simply happy about such things. To me, it's a bit like Frederick the mouse who is collecting colours for grey cold days...

I don't know in which interview I've read it, it was probably the NME? Where Morrissey said that the best thing about getting older is that you stop living trying to think what other people think of you? It's also something I learn now- I was perfect at fulfilling expectations. It goes that far that I can't even tell when I made a decision because I wanted it that way or because I felt I had to do this because that was what other people wanted. It was just the same for me. A new world opening up for me now!

xxx

So vacation time is over. Can't really say that I'm looking forward to tomorrow as I'm not really well prepared yet, but I somehow miss the kids. They'll surely have a lotof stories for me! I know I'll be back at the routine once I enter the school area.

Actually I realize my mood is far too grumpy to write here and I certainly don't have any patience right now. And my stomach hurts.

Oh yes! Highlight today was a dream of yet another Morrissey-oudoor-show (it's always the same scenario!) where I was late but Alain waved and smiled at me. I jealously read the report from Vegas *sigh*.

More on Maastricht, the Teddyboy weekender, Keane, late night conversations and the curing effect of deep friendship soon.
xxx

IVe made a compilation for a friend but now that I'm listening to it I might aswell keep it. I prefer listening to compilations more than whole albums,most of the time.

I'll try to do some running to this music now!
(this has tobe a great day!)

1 Born in the usa - Ballboy
2 Camera shy - The Lucksmiths
3 Elevator love letter - Stars
4 Anthony - 2000 miles
5 Teenager - Camera Obscura
6 Moon over michigan - James Maker
7 Something is… - Richard Hawley
8 Billy Liar - The Decemberists
9 Lavinia - The Veils
10 How could you forget - Weeping Willows
11 Happy people never fantasize - Broder daniel
12 Time is just the same - Isobel campbell
13 Bedshaped - Keane