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Sunday May 16, 04
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03:48 PM - What A Day That Was
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It has been some weekend.
I'll update my dear readers on the previous month soon, but I'm going to concentrate just now on this weekend, because it has been bloody great.
The fact that Morrissey has just achieved his highest ever singles chart position is the icing on the cake. Silly me, I forgot to listen to the chart on the radio, but never mind - this is great news. I know a lot of people will say the charts are rubbish, it's no measure of quality, they don't mean anything these days blah blah yackety schmackety, but I think it's fantastic, because the next time I buy the Guinness Book of British Hit Singles, it's going to list Moz as having a top three hit.
Oddly enough, that's not been the main event of the weekend however. What could be more important than Morrissey at number three?
Well, Saturday was my brother's wedding. And I, wee Thorny, was the best man.
Never having been best man before I was afraid that the various duties involved, not least having to give a speech (and the most important speech at that), would prevent me from enjoying the day, but I can now safely say that this was the best day of the year so far - better, even, than the day I saw Kraftwerk.
I took Friday off work in case there were various things I had to do in preparation, although there wasn't much. I did, though, have to finish writing my speech. It's quite a good challenge as there's a balance to find, trying to have a laugh, sort of at and sort of with the groom, but making sure that one does not under any circumstances cause offence. I was fairly confident I could write a good speech though. Doubts were of course over the ability to deliver.
Friday night I went to a mate's for some drinkees. I was intending to stay in and practice my speech while everyone else was out of the house, but I never have been able to refuse the invitation to drink. Still, I made sure I wasn't late and limited my drinking to nine bottles of beer (so you see, I kept myself sober enough to count) and had a relatively early night.
I'll admit I was a bit nervous about being best man. Still, come Saturday morning I was as calm as could reasonably be expected. And as for my brother, well, there were absolutely no visible signs of nerves or stress. A mate popped by about lunchtime, already kilted up, and joked about how he expected us all to be flapping about the place, yet there we were sitting about eating sandwiches.
I had to wear a kilt. Never worn one previously. Still, in case anyone thinks it's odd that I got to the age of 23 without wearing a kilt, you should know that my dad had never worn one before either, and he's two years from retirement...
Anyhoo, on to the wedding itself, and pretty much everything just went brilliantly. Neither bride nor groom fled at the last moment, I didn't forget the rings, a professional football playing family member was able to get there, just about in time, the weather was lovely so the photographs went fine (apart from the fact that a couple of them had myself in them), then there was time for a quick couple of pints before it was time for the meal and the speech.
Speeches were before the meal so that the speakers could enjoy it better. The bride's father's speech didn't go as he had planned, I think he forgot most of what he was going to say, but it was still lovely, from the heart, and he had a tear rolling down his cheek. Very touching. Listen to me, the big softy...
My brother, the groom, did well with his, despite only having written it that morning.
Then Thorny's turn. It went pretty well. I didn't forget anything, although it helped that I had a script to jog my memory, but I avoided actually reading from the script. I was slightly concerned that with having it I would succumb to the temptation of doing so, but I didn't.
One little hiccup. In about my fourth sentence I said, "I can't tell you what an enormous honour it has been to be asked to be bridesm..." Bridesmaid! Still, it got a laugh and I was able to make light of my gaffe, and let's face it, making a mistake early on it can only get better, eh?
So thank goodness that went well. I got lots of favourable comments about it. Which I guess people are pretty much obliged to say anyway, but I actually think they sort of meant it, so that's good. I surprised a lot of people. Thorny is known for being quiet and reserved, so to get up and make a reasonably good fist of it probably confounded expectations. Everyone was very kind with their comments.
I unexpectedly had to do a bit more speaking after the meal, reading out some cards from folk who weren't there - which I'd anticipated doing during my proper speech, only I wasn't handed any. But it went okay, apart from the fact the microphone gave up the ghost and I had to employ my (not very) loud and booming voice.
After all that it was much more possible to relax, I was able to mingle a wee bit and have a couple more drinks before the dancing began and the party kicked off proper.
All that was left of the formalities was the first dance. Not a song I'd have picked - it was that awful Amazed by Lonestar, but I resisted the temptation to moan to the bride and groom about the quality of their choice. (Although I did comment to the bridesmaid..) So I of course had to dance with the bridesmaid. I'm not much of a dancer, as anyone who has ever seen my attempts will know. Thankfully the potential horror of the moment was reduced by the fact the bridesmaid said she was a rubbish dancer, so at least we could be crap together. And the dread was further eased by the fact that, bloody hell, the bridesmaid (the bride's sister) is simply beautiful. So, you know, if you're going to be forced to dance in front of lots of folk, might as well be forced to dance with someone that looks like that.
We survived, then I drank a lot but managed to stay in a reasonable state. Not like at the stag do, but more on that in a forthcoming journal entry.
It was just great, seeing some old friends from uni, and some people I see lots of anyway, and family, and family friends, and people weren't shy about getting up to dance thankfully, and then, thankfully, nobody kept pestering me to get up and dance. Although the DJ did force a couple of my mates up to do the slosh (or something like that...) for suggesting the company's name sounded a bit like a gay disco.
Okay, so much of the music was rubbish. But there was the odd burst of quality, including some party regulars - Dexy's magnificent 'Come On Eileen', Bryan Ferry's 'Let's Stick Together', some Abba, and Billy Ocean's 'Love Really Hurts Without You', which for some unfathomable reason I have a real affection for.
I doubt I'll ever get married, but I'd like to think my wedding music would be impeccable because I would pick it all. (Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't be miserable Mancs.)
So, yeah, that was that, just superb. I must have had a good drink because I actually asked the bride up to dance later on. Then I used the excuse of the last dance to seek out the chief bridesmaid for another dance. God, she looks great. And smells great. Have you picked up on the fact I really fancy her? Oh, don't worry, nothing will ever come of it, and besides anything else she has a five year old (approx) daughter, but I just wanted to emphasise that she looked amazing.
I'll shut up about her now.
As for my brother, well, I'm just so proud of him and pleased for him and delighted for him and his wife (his wife!) that it all went brilliantly and they had a great time and so did nearly everyone there I'd think. I hope that at some stage in my life I can reach that level of total happiness. Again, listen to me, the soppy git. If I keep this up I'll lose my reputation of being a total arsehole.
I think that's everything. Sorry for going on for so long, but it'd be nice if someone read the whole thing. You know, I could have done it in more detail, so be thankful for small mercies. Sorry as well if I seemed self-obsessed, I mean, it was their day so maybe I should have written more about them, but hopefully the above paragraph makes up for that a wee bit.
And you know what? Despite it all, I still remembered to set the video to record Moz on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross.
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