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So Far From Where I Intended To Go

Troubled Words From A Troubled Mind

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by
Tibby
, April 2, 2011 at 09:31 AM (409 Views)
I gave in again.I cut myself.I held on for as long as I could.I just had to do it to make those feelings go away.It only works for a little while though.Then I have to do it again.I look at my arm and can`t believe what I`ve done to myself.Why would a person do that to herself?I don`t scream or yell or talk about it.I just cut or burn or hit myself.I`m so tired of this life.

We got some bad news on wednesday.The doctor told my grandfather that he has cancer.We just lost my grandmother in October and my uncle in December and now this.

************************************************** ****
Razors Pain You
Rivers Are Damp
Acid Stains You
Drugs Cause Cramp
Guns Aren`t Lawful
Nooses Give
Gas Smells Awful
You Might As Well Live
~Dorothy Parker~
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  1. sistasheila's Avatar
    sending you postive power over the atlantic sea...i cant find the right words to console you with bad news just to not give up- lots of pople survive cancer... and get healthy again...
    with the cutting dont fall too deep into self reproach what did happen , did happen. you cant change it , but you can try to work on it .
    try other things when the urge comes. it seems the cutting happened at home. which made it easier using certain skills i told you before:.shower ice cold ,run, box...eat sth cextremly spicy or sour..
    (some stuff like ice cold shower or putting only your head in icecold water is difficult in public logically,when the urge comes in public situations a friend of mine who suffers from cutting, uses icecubes in a thermos jug, when being away from home.
    strong psychical stuff will have the same effect and replace the cutting. try help with therapist learning new ways of not give in to the urge of hurting yourself and she can teach in in behavioral therapy with it..cause it might be easier than to use these skills i told you about when someone helps you. just keep it in mind.
    just think about which skills fits you- there are many more beside the ones i described
    of course ylu can use the skills without consulting a therapist but in a therapy when she is experienced with stuff like cutting(are you a borderliner?) she can assist you with it,
    i also would really consider a clinic..i know how the insurance and health system is not the same as here where i live but try to reach out for good clinics

    when youre not in the cutting mode
    thats important:cause you have when are in that cutting mode m your mind catnt concentrate which skils fits you ( you dttn have to choose only one skill,there is tsth called the skill-link meaning 2-3 ,4skills to be used in acertain order..of course you can also only use one skill if the others dont fit you. no matter how many .try to use them, )you know what to do to get away from the urge when you are in that state.
    Updated April 4, 2011 at 04:30 PM by sistasheila
  2. Tibby's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by sistasheila
    sending you postive power over the atlantic sea...i cant find the right words to console you with bad news just to not give up- lots of pople survive cancer... and get healthy again...
    with the cutting dont fall too deep into self reproach what did happen , did happen. you cant change it , but you can try to work on it .
    try other things when the urge comes. it seems the cutting happened at home. which made it easier using certain skills i told you before:.shower ice cold ,run, box...eat sth cextremly spicy or sour..
    (some stuff like ice cold shower or putting only your head in icecold water is difficult in public logically,when the urge comes in public situations a friend of mine who suffers from cutting, uses icecubes in a thermos jug, when being away from home.
    strong psychical stuff will have the same effect and replace the cutting. try help with therapist learning new ways of not give in to the urge of hurting yourself and she can teach in in behavioral therapy with it..cause it might be easier than to use these skills i told you about when someone helps you. just keep it in mind.
    just think about which skills fits you- there are many more beside the ones i described
    of course ylu can use the skills without consulting a therapist but in a therapy when she is experienced with stuff like cutting(are you a borderliner?) she can assist you with it,
    i also would really consider a clinic..i know how the insurance and health system is not the same as here where i live but try to reach out for good clinics

    when youre not in the cutting mode
    thats important:cause you have when are in that cutting mode m your mind catnt concentrate which skils fits you ( you dttn have to choose only one skill,there is tsth called the skill-link meaning 2-3 ,4skills to be used in acertain order..of course you can also only use one skill if the others dont fit you. no matter how many .try to use them, )you know what to do to get away from the urge when you are in that state.
    Thank you Sistasheila.Thank you for your suggestions.I will try to use them when the urge hits me again.I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and he usually asks me about my self harm and other things.Thanks again.

    Tibby