So Far From Where I Intended To Go

I`m trying,I`m trying so hard.I know I say that a lot but it`s true.I try to keep busy with cleaning organizing.I want things to look nice and tidy.Yes lots has to do with my ocd.But I try to keep busy to keep the thoughts from invading my mind.The thoughts that tell me what a horrible,awful,useless person I am.The thoughts that tell me if you don`t wash your hands again something really bad will happen.
The ones that tell me if you hurt yourself again you`ll feel so much better.

I broke some glass from a picture frame in my room.It triggered a feeling in me.I just wanted to hurt myself with it.Not because I needed relief.It was because I sometimes just feel so numb.I guess it`s like they say something is better that nothing.Why does everything have to be so hard.Why can`t I be a normal person?I`m so tired.

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To Be Finished Would Be A Relief
~Morrissey~