So Far From Where I Intended To Go

Submission~Sex Pistols

Beat My Guest ~Adam Ant

Tomorrow~Morrissey(I know you don`t mean it)

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?~Culture Club

Alsatian Cousin~Morrissey(bring me home and have me)

Suedehead~Morrissey (it was a good...)

Master and Servant~Depeche Mode

It Hurts Me~Elvis Presley

The Last Beat of My Heart~Siouxsie & The Banshees ...

My best friend is silver and sharp.I`ve missed him but he`s come back again.

I`ve tried so hard to hold on. I know it`s not the answer.I know that very well.I`ve just ruined it again.I hadn`t done it since October.It called me again.It will be okay he said.I will make you feel better and he did.For a while anyway.It felt alright again,I can breathe again.You`ve come back again.I feel like I`ll never be free again.

I have been trying my best to keep going these days.Somedays are better than others.The worst day`s it`s a struggle just to get out of bed.All I want to do is sleep because I feel it makes the time pass faster.It really sucks when I can`t sleep because I`m so wound up and all I can hear is the anxiety ridden thoughts swirling around my head.Sometimes it bothers me so much that I turn on the tv to try to drown them out.I want to hurt myself so bad just ...

I know I haven`t written a blog entry in some time.Some things have changed some have remained the same.

As my psychiatrist has suggested I have started therapy.I found it really difficult at first but it has gotten better(the therapy I mean)
I have been getting by and it`s been ok at best.Lately though I feel like I`m falling down the rabbit hole again.I`ve been feeling incredible anxiety and want to cry all the time.Sometimes I think I prefer my feelings of emptiness and ...

I think I really am f***ed up.I feel like I don`t know which way is up and which way is down.I have hurt myself twice this week.I have let everyone down and disappointed them.I am a colossal f**k up.One minute I`m up in the clouds,the next I`m lower than low.I can`t sleep I can`t rest.The noise in my head won`t die down.It says you know what you need to do to feel better.I don`t want to listen to it but it`s so strong.You`ll feel better ,You`ll feel better.Then I listen.You need to do it again it ...