So Far From Where I Intended To Go

Sometimes I`m so numb I can`t feel a thing.It`s just a great sense of emptiness. I can`t feel pleasure or even pain.There are times when everything just hurts so much I wonder if I want to or if it`s worth it to keep going on.Simple everyday things have become difficult.I don`t want to leave the house.Just leaving the house to pick up groceries causes anxiety for me.I know,I know,I know that`s not normal.I want to sleep all the time because it makes the time pass faster.I don`t know which is worse ...

It`s getting to be too much for me.The depression,the anxiety,my very noisy head.

I left the house to run some errands.I couldn`t get anything done because I had a panic attack.It was so bad that my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital.I just took my an ativan.

I have no energy.I can`t make simple desisions.All I want to do is sleep.I would like to curl up in a little ball,roll away and disappear.

At night it`s at it`s worst. ...

The darkness is taking my head.



I feel so hopeless and I don`t know where to turn anymore.I try to keep going but it gets harder every day.I find it difficult to make simple everday desicions.It just seems like everything takes enormous effort.I just sit at the edge of my bed and try to organize my thoughts but everything is just so dark inside.I don`t want to hurt anymore.

I`m tired of living in the rollercoaster that is my brain.I really feel like I am losing it.I feel like I am an exposed nerve.It has come crashing hard this time.Everything just hurts so f**cking bad.I want to curl up in a ball and die.I want to disappear.Sunday was really bad for me.I just couldn`t stand noise. We had a family gathering for Easter.I just wanted to stay home.I don`t want to be this way.I`m tired of being tortured by my own brain.Nothing,nothing,nothing ...

I am constantly exhausted.All I want to do is sleep.I said before that sleep is my only solace but sometimes I don`t even have that.I`ve been having nightmares some nights.The anxiety attacks have been coming again usually at night.

I just want to hurt myself so badly.I want to feel relief.I`ve been resisisting it but it`s so difficult.

I`ve tried so hard to be better.Everyone has advice.Maybe you`re not trying enough,try ...