Everyone have fun and be safe at the show tonight.
I was given a $50 gift card to a fancy paper store in Pasadena. Instead of buying fancy paper to make something pretty, I spent half of it on a calendar to keep track of my housesitting dates. I feel cosmically roped into watching other people's houses while they vacation and have fun. I hate it. Every year I think something will happen that will stop me from having to do it, but always it's just a temporary stop or nothing at all. So it was sad and put me in a terrible mood. While I was puchasing
I'd say that over and over as I suffered years of abuse. "Why are you doing this to me, I am a good person." God hates me, I can think of no other reason. He said at some point, "Amie? You get shit."
I just went to bed, almost fell asleep when I pieced some random thoughts of the day together and it occurred to me that my little imaginary children episode has been revisited. And so I had a crying jag just now. I was sooo confused, I hadn't figured out the up down system yet. Catpower sings a line about it in her song Water & Air, about being underwater and the devil all around, filling your head with false ideas and feeding them so they'll grow and trip you up. It's hell. Today I moved
That is all.