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  1. I did something sad yesterday

    I was given a $50 gift card to a fancy paper store in Pasadena. Instead of buying fancy paper to make something pretty, I spent half of it on a calendar to keep track of my housesitting dates. I feel cosmically roped into watching other people's houses while they vacation and have fun. I hate it. Every year I think something will happen that will stop me from having to do it, but always it's just a temporary stop or nothing at all. So it was sad and put me in a terrible mood. While I was puchasing ...
  2. I am a good person

    I'd say that over and over as I suffered years of abuse. "Why are you doing this to me, I am a good person." God hates me, I can think of no other reason. He said at some point, "Amie? You get shit."
  3. Bleh

    I just went to bed, almost fell asleep when I pieced some random thoughts of the day together and it occurred to me that my little imaginary children episode has been revisited. And so I had a crying jag just now. I was sooo confused, I hadn't figured out the up down system yet. Catpower sings a line about it in her song Water & Air, about being underwater and the devil all around, filling your head with false ideas and feeding them so they'll grow and trip you up. It's hell. Today I moved ...
  4. I am aware I sound crazy

  5. I wonder what 34th Degree gets you?

    I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
    I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
    because you're evil
    and you lie
    and if you should die
    I may feel slightly sad
    (but I won't cry)
    Loved and lost
    and some may say
    when usually its Nothing
    surely you're happy
    it should be this way?
    I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog"
    and: "May the lines sag the lines sag heavy
    and deep tonight ...
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