http://www.morrissey-solo.com/blogs/157-Oh-my-god-it-s-Robby! Morrissey-solo Forums en Mon, 20 May 2013 16:54:14 GMT vBulletin 60 http://cf.morrissey-solo.com/f/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.morrissey-solo.com/blogs/157-Oh-my-god-it-s-Robby! http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1193-goodbye Wed, 01 May 2013 20:56:02 GMT Image: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120411091630/glee/images/3/3d/Waving_person.gif at least for now anyways, see, I really have no...
at least for now anyways, see, I really have no idea whether I will be able to access this site* from a location in China
I have already been told that Facebook, Youtube and Twitter are blocked over there :straightface:
regardless, its less than 12 hours and counting now til I leave :guitar:
let's see, anything else?
Oh yeah, a music update from last fm

I suppose I really do like Rihanna's music :eek: even more than her body :horny:
but hey, it could be worse, I could be listening to Chris Brown :rolleyes:
still so much to do before I go, so I am going to stop babbling out a "virtual goodbye"
especially since no one is even reading it

*="Moz Solo" that is where I am at, online wise, right now, aint it?
I sure hope so :confused: ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1193-goodbye http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1186-almost-20-years-of-quot-where-I-ve-lived-quot Sun, 21 Apr 2013 16:20:15 GMT Image: http://blog.blendarch.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/montgomeryplanningorg.png May 2013 - ? Chengdu, China Jan 2013 - Apr 2013 Lucerne...
May 2013 - ?
Chengdu, China

Jan 2013 - Apr 2013
Lucerne Valley*, Ca, USA

Dec 2011 - Dec 2012
Georgia(the country)

Nov 2010 - Nov 2011
Apple Valley*, Ca, USA

Sep 2005 - Oct 2010
San Francisco, Ca, USA
(March 2009 was in New Zealand, April 2007 was in Mexico, June 2006 was in upstate New York)

Nov 2004 - Aug 2005
Victorville*, Ca, USA

Sep 2003 - Oct 2004
Garden Grove Ca, USA

Aug 2003
England & Scotland

May 2001 - Jul 2003
Hollywood, Ca, USA

Aug 1998 - Apr 2001
Bellflower Ca, USA

Jun 1996 - Jul 1998
Hollywood Ca, USA

Aug 1995 - May 1996
West L.A., Ca, USA

Sep 1994 - Aug 1995
Hollywood Ca, USA

Jun 1994 - Aug 1994
Westwood, Ca, USA

Sep 1993 - May 1994
Phelan*, Ca, USA

that's a lot of moving around :eek: and back & forth :cool:


ps: I left space underneath to say a little something about each of these places, just not up for doing that right now :straightface:
maybe later :o


*="high desert" :sick: ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1186-almost-20-years-of-quot-where-I-ve-lived-quot http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1154-3-months-back-3-months-of-music-amp-when-will-I-leave Fri, 22 Mar 2013 22:43:12 GMT Image: http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y86/gulrober/3months_zpsc5b912ba.jpg a lot more Rihanna then I expected :blushing: but thats actually a...
a lot more Rihanna then I expected :blushing:
but thats actually a good sign, since I tend to listen to her when I do sit ups and push ups in my room :thumb:

didn't realize I liked that song from SW&tH so much :eek:
anyways, so the Chinese embassy finally accepted all my paperwork, now must wait another 2 or 3 weeks to get the approval for the Visa to not just live but to WORK in China :cool:
then and only then will it be "safe" to buy a plane ticket, which I really must do for sometime in advance after that, for cost reasons :(
meaning I am looking at, as much as another 6 or 7 weeks here! :squiffy:
god, mid May really cannot come soon enough... ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1154-3-months-back-3-months-of-music-amp-when-will-I-leave http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1132-nothing-better-to-do Tue, 05 Mar 2013 19:51:18 GMT I need a new mp3 player, my hope is to get one cheap in China. Until then, time to change some of what is on this old small one. 700 songs this... I need a new mp3 player, my hope is to get one cheap in China. Until then, time to change some of what is on this old small one.
700 songs this time, fewer bands with more songs by each and some organized in playlists:
60 Morrissey
40 The Smiths
35 Regina Spektor
32 Hikki*
30 on a "musicals" playlist, a lot of sung by Lea Salonga & some by Susan Egan, Julie Andews, Bernadette Peters etc, etc...
30 an "oldies" playlist , songs ranging from the 50s to 70s
25 Placebo
25 David Bowie
21 on a "duets" playlist, my fave ones not included on one of the other listed groupings
21 Emilie Simon
20 Apoptygma Berzerk
20 Pet Shop Boys
18 Yeah Yeah Yeahs
16 Suzanne Vega
16 Bauhaus
16 Pulp
16 Paloma Faith
15 on a "TV & Film" playlist, songs from my fave shows and movies
15 Björk
15 Siouxsie & the Banshees
15 Nirvana
15 The Cure
15 Lush
15 Lykke Li
15 PJ Harvey
15 Fiona Apple
15 Tom Petty
14 Magnetic Fields
14 Crystal Castles
14 CombiChrist
10 She & Him
9 Lana Del Rey
8 Cocteau Twins
8 Röyksopp
7 Austra
7 Anna Calvi
6 The Knife
5 Joy Division
5 10,000 Maniacs
4 Tori Amos
4 Nelly Furtado
3 New Order
3 Bel Canto

-obviously there are many glaring absences from this list, they will just have to keep til I get a better player! ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1132-nothing-better-to-do http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1114-some-thoughts-on-love-then-a-music-interlude-followed-by-more-words Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:16:30 GMT I believe, and oh how I wish I did not! That while there are many kinds of love, even different romantic loves, that there is a special kind of love... I believe, and oh how I wish I did not! That while there are many kinds of love, even different romantic loves, that there is a special kind of love which only a few ever are doomed or destined to share. It is a wild, mysterious, improbable kind of love that never comes but once.

However, I must admit that within the heart that remains to me, I am still an explorer. So perhaps there are still discoveries to be made. I had such an inkling of such last year, but enough of one that something still burns within. This is in spite of all the horrors of the heart I have suffered time and time again. Still my journey, quest, voyage, call it what you will, for love continues... ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1114-some-thoughts-on-love-then-a-music-interlude-followed-by-more-words http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1070-comparing-a-year-in-music-to-my-to-the-last-6ish Thu, 17 Jan 2013 21:39:00 GMT Image: http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y86/gulrober/top36alltime.png :guitar: Image: http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y86/gulrober/top36.png ...
:guitar:

hmm, strange thing about these lists, they never show all the stuff from musicals that I listen to :o ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1070-comparing-a-year-in-music-to-my-to-the-last-6ish http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1019-Alison-update-part-2 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 09:47:56 GMT Then a voice inside my head said: “Just because you are new you, does not mean you must throw out the best of the old you” Which, surprisingly... Then a voice inside my head said:
“Just because you are new you, does not mean you must throw out the best of the old you”
Which, surprisingly calmed me, because the old Robby did seem to excel under pressure, granted, this lead to my ruin, since I often came to rely on this fact, but sometimes the pressure is too much for anyone, but hey, all things in moderation.
All this happened in the space of a second or two, then the main directory came up on my mp3 player.
Now one of the quirks of this player is that with all the bands listed by artist, they came up in the order I added them to it and that meant “Smiths” at the top “Depeche Mode” at the very bottom. And Alison had been indifferent to the few “Smiths” songs I had sent her, but really liked the stuff I had sent her by DM, so I clicked on that, cranked the volume to max and got back in the bed with her.
The first thing that came on happened to be the 1st DM song I had sent her which she really liked; “Lie to Me” It was a perfect moment and we were off to the races from there. For a while, but the noise of the bed creaking, especially with her on top was bothersome, more for her than me I think, but regardless. We stopped again and I pulled everything off the bed together, the thin mattress, the thick Georgian “comforter” like thing and the thin blanket we then put over us on the floor. She giggled while I did this, but got right down on all of it, after that was, well, heaven, I have been there before but not in many a year, from what I can tell she was happy too. Soon after we finally stopped, the hall light went on, more giggling followed, and eventually I put everything back on the bed, which we slept on til late in the morning of my 40th birthday.

I have contemplated stopping there in writing this, but its not where things “ended”. After we got up, and I fixed her breakfast, we debated what to do with her last full day in Georgia, she was leaving on Monday from Tbilisi for the good ole US of A. Obviously, she had to go back to Shorapani, because her stuff was there, but I convinced her that we could go back together, get it all, and she could spend the night again here in Zep… which was a bigger town and I would load up her stuff in the marshutka to the capitol in the morning. She had planned on taking a cab from Shor… to Zep… since she had a lot of stuff to take back. But I think the deal was sealed when I told her:
“Ali, if I have to carry you in my arms, and your luggage on my back, I will get you there, I swear.”
Or something like that, the other issue was she wanted to cook me a “birthday meal” and who was I to argue with that?
She even knew that if we were going to do that, we should get to the “bazaari” now rather than later, all the best pickings were to be had earlier in the day. So we made the trek there, walking hand in hand until Georgians separated us, then coming back together, all the time me slowing my pace to keep one with her so we could walk next to each other, this was more difficult than it sounds, especially if you knew me, I am not just a fast walker, I take large “marching steps” naturally. However, the payoff was worth it, as we walked the 2k there and 2k back, together, then apart, then together again.

Undoubtedly, I am reading too much into all this, but it was almost as magical as the night before. Oh, and I almost forgot about the food buying, now I pride myself on how well I have learned to haggle with the old Georgian women(mainly) selling stuff. However, since that time when I took Alison to the market all those months ago, she now puts me to shame, she got much better prices than me and did it all not only with far more Georgian than me, but without getting (visibly) angry at all. I have to confess here, that I put most of this off to her being “ethnically” Chinese. Racist of me to say? Maybe, but it still impressed me, and at least she let me pay for everything.
Then, after taking the food home, I accompanied her to get her stuff from her place in Shor…

Wow, this taking longer to write than I thought it would, you know?
And I am leaving so much out!

Luckily, at her place I only had to meet one of her “Peace Corps” roommates, but it was another American woman, which makes me even more embarrassed when I am spending time in the company of a woman more so much younger than me, but I took my lead from Ali, she seemed unfazed, so I tried to too. On the way back, in the marshutka, it played random songs Georgian songs, Russian, and 2 in English, back to back, the first was “We Got the Beat” by the GoGos, which I was pleasantly surprised to hear her know the words to, we both ignored the Georgians staring at us as we sang along, god, being with another American does make being here so much better. After that, “Heaven” or whatever its called by Belinda Carlisle came on, which I know by heart, Ali tried following along to me, but eventually we stopped when the driver turned the volume up enough to drown us out, fuckin Georgians.
When we got back, we went through the complicated task of cooking up a meal in my kitchen. I have a limited number of pans, bowls, and plates.
(Some borrowed, some bought)
But together though, we made it happen;
Mushroom rice, a pepper beef, and a red peppered eggplant thing.
I have had many excellent meals here in Georgia, but this one, this one feels like it was the best, granted, I am biased for oh so many reasons having nothing to do with food.

While eating we watched more “30 Rock” I had Dled, but when I went to put on the new season of “New Girl” she pulled the plug out of my computer.
From there, well, the night became a birthday like I was going to say I had not experienced in almost in almost a decade, but that does Ali an injustice, as much as she might stir memories anchored within me of another, she is unique. As I write this, I long for her so, but I must get to the end!
We got up early onMonday, but I had already decided I would be late to school that day and I carried most of her stuff to where I knew a bus to “Tb...” would come, I waited with her, allowing myself my 1st cigarette in her presence in quite a while, soon after her marshutka came, too soon for my liking. I took a picture of her before she got on. Since then I have put that photo on my laptop, my flash drive, uploaded it to my photobucket, and emailed it from one of my emails to another. It shall not be lost. Then after she left I took a picture of the rising sun, I am embarrassed to admit, with tears in my eyes.

What happens from here?
I don’t know. Initially I wrote more shit about how a loser like me has no chance with a woman like her, but it has happened before, So why not again?
Regardless, we will always have Georgia, if nothing else…



ps: giving all this the once over, I am struck by how much my memory is wrapped in using music as "sign posts" ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1019-Alison-update-part-2 http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1018-Alison-update-part-1 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 09:47:04 GMT OK, I gotta write this even if I don’t post it. Let’s start at the beginning, when is that exactly? Never mind, the fact is I was going to have a... OK, I gotta write this even if I don’t post it. Let’s start at the beginning, when is that exactly?
Never mind, the fact is I was going to have a bunch of people over for my birthday, or the night before actually, but I canceled all that, still Alison was in town the night of the 24th and she came over. Now normally I could not have let something like this happen, spur of the moment like. It would just be too embarrassing, however, my place was pretty cleaned up since I had been expecting to have people over until just a few days before.
Let’s back up here a little, now I had seen Alison one other time since getting back in September, but she had been back hanging out with her “big fat Mexican” friend, hereby refered to as "BFM". OK, he is not that fat(and who am I to talk!?) or Mexican even possibly, I just hate him because in my (still) juvenile heart, he was the main obstacle to me getting to know her better sooner. So I call him names, I do that with other people that some part of me sees as standing me between and the women I desire, childish, I know. They become “that tall German asshole” or even “ the short Irish liar” Their names disappear and they simply become an object of hatred for me, I do not like this, I am sorry about it, but its just the way I am built, in another century I would duel these men and be done with it, a part of me will always see such as the way it should be. However, I digress, BFM was out of the picture, he left Georgia at the beginning of November. After that, Alison and I started talking on the phone again, a lot. Given my extremely lonely situation, these phone calls were like pearls from heaven, so much so that whenever she called I would drop what I was doing and talk to her, well, more listen really. The biggest part about all this was that since I get almost no reception in my apartment, I would feverishly get my shoes and coat on to go outside and hear her, or if she sent me a text, I would call her. Even though I would know that a hour long conversation with her would cost me 6 lari since she was not with “Geocell” like me. Now Alison, I am sure, remains unaware of all this, but it just goes to show you that I already had feelings for before this last weekend.
Now, getting back to that, on the 24th, I met her as she got off the "bus". She was wearing this thick warm looking charcoal colored overcoat and her little just popped out of the top of it, also I remembered making some kind of comment about her new boots, she took all this in stride and gave me a hug, but she warned she could not stay for long. See, by the time she made it to Zep..., we had just a few hours before she had to get back on the last “marshutkas”(bus) to Shorapani, which could be as early as 7pm as late as 8pm, you just never know here in Georgia, their conception of time is just, well, “not right” from a North American/ Western European viewpoint, I am trying to be nice about this, but what it means for me that on every weekday morning, I must be waiting for the marshutka by 8 am, to assure that I will get to school by 9:30 am, even though the bus trip only takes 30 min, but I simply never know when one will come! I know I am digressing here, again, but this commitment to getting to school either very early or at a minimum, never late, fascinates Georgians. Alison understand all this completely, this is one of the things we talked about as we ate at “Ali Baba’s”. As we ate and talked I noticed her watching me dig into my big bowl of meaty soup/stew and I had said: “Yes, I love to eat, if I could, I would eat the world, and have the moon for desert!”
For some reason this made her laugh, but for whatever reason it made me decide to put more of myself out there. I told her about my most recent trip to Batumi with “the boys” and how that when the rest of them were at the sauna, probably with Georgian women they had paid for the services of, I begged off and went and ate a fantastic feast at a Black Sea seafood restaurant, all the while getting texts from the some of them which I did not respond to, I’d rather eat some great food then give into degrading MYSELF in such a way (again, not that I told her that part, but I think she suspected). When I was done speaking about this incident, which was probably the longest I had continuously spoken to her, she said:
“That sounds like you.” Hearing her utter this just did it for me on so many levels, silly I know, likely more of just Robby reading way too much in a simple statement of fact, but I just felt that she really knew I was telling the truth, even though we really did not know each other that well. Also, there was something else, it was someone acknowledging, “the new me” Someone who only knew this Robby, I almost started to cry right there and went off to the bathroom.
After that, we finished eating, she let me pay and then we had to decide whether she would come see my place for a while. Time was an issue, but we both knew what was going on(I hoped). Now normally I would not go into any details about what happened that night, especially since it is currently seared into my mind. However, time makes us forget much and worse yet, alter most of the rest, so here goes.
When she came in, I put on my little gas driven heater and took her coat, underneath she was still wearing multiple layers of clothing different shades of brown and thick purple "leg warmer thingies" but just seeing the shock of her creamy skin on her arms and around her neck had my pulse racing. I think now I really understand how Victorian men felt, its amazing how little of a woman's skin, seen in the flesh, and who you truly desire and can set one off as it were. Now under the assumption that we would not be together on my actual birthday, we had a toast of grape juice spiked with Vodka to me. Just one, it was just grape juice only from there on in, I keep the bottle of grape juice hanging outside my kitchen window on a string to keep it cool. After that, I already don’t know exactly how things went, but I do know that we talked about a book I'd sent her via email, “American Gods” which she was reading and loving, of course. Then we watched an episode of “30 Rock” and after that I was actually reading to her from a story I was have been writing about being an English teacher here in Georgia, something I never done by the way, to let someone else not just read what I have written, but for me to read it aloud? Never, so after that we were going to watch a movie on my laptop, but instead we kissed, this was actually the 2nd time, but with more passion, we fell to my bed, which creaked quite noticeably. A lot followed from there and then the lights went out and my computer too, which had been showing my video collection, mainly “Siouxsie & the Banshees” at that point. Initially I froze when the power went out, which included the hall light I had left on, I had turned the bedroom light off, but then she laughed, still, we stopped. Now I am veteran of many a Georgian power outage, so I already had candles strategically placed all around my place(5 or 6, with another half dozen still in the box) and my maglite handy next to the bed and on the table my “floodlight” it takes a bunch of batteries, but it will make extremely bright light in a room for a few hours, I immediately gave it to Alison to hold while I put some clothes back on, lit candles around the room and then left the room to light the rest, my long, red, bright maglite leading the way. When I returned from doing this, she seemed spellbound, I said something like:
“Romantic enough for you?” but before she could answer, I was in ‘command form’ now, I said:
“Sorry, no, something is missing.”
She just nodded and continued to watch me, the candles made her eyes sparkles in a way that was, just, well, magical.
Soon after, my eyes fell upon my mp3 player, music, that’s what we had lost!
Now when I turned it on, I was already feeling that time was of the essence, and I started to panic. ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/1018-Alison-update-part-1 http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/931-believe-it-or-not-writing-this-crap-calms-me-down Sun, 07 Oct 2012 10:50:36 GMT My mp3 player "artist" list:
#
57 Morrissey
43 The Smiths
35 Hikki (Utada Hikaru in all her glorious manifestations)
34 Regina Spektor
30 Depeche Mode*
28 from "musicals"; Les Miz, Miss Saigon, Beauty & the Beast, Wicked, Mulan(film), Closer to Heaven, Cabaret(film), Evita, Camelot(film), Avenue Q, Marry Poppins(film) & Chess
25 Placebo
25 David Bowie
20 Apoptygma Berzerk
18 Emilie Simon
17 Björk/Sugarcubes(2)
16 Suzanne Vega
16 Yeah Yeah Yeahs
16 Lush
16 Pulp
15 Garbage
14 Magnetic Fields
14 The Cure
14 Fiona Apple
13 Siouxsie & the Banshees
13 Lykke Li
13 Crystal Castles
10 Röyksopp
9 Bauhaus
9 Lana Del Rey
9 CSS
8 Joy Division
8 Pet Shop Boys
8 Belle & Sebastian
7 Ladytron
7 Chicks on Speed
7 Client
7 She & Him
6 New Order
6 Eurythmics
5 10,000 Maniacs
5 Bruce Springsteen
5 Tori Amos
5 Cocteau Twins
5 Leonard Cohen
5 Gwen Stefani
5 Bic Runga
4 Death in June
4 Tom Petty
4 Elegant Machinery
4 Kimbra
3 The Clash
3 Camera Obscura
3 Aimee Mann
3 Duran Duran
3 Momus
3 Bat for Lashes
3 The Sundays
3 Roxy Music/Bryan Ferry
2 PJ Harvey
2 Legendary Pink Dots
2 No Doubt
2 Current 93
2 Alphaville
2 Babyland
2 Bel Canto
2 Dream Academy
2 This Mortal Coil
2 Austra
& 25 songs from 25 bands(a lot are "duets"), but I am not typing all their names because that would just be ridiculous wouldn't it? :p

just over 700 songs in total, I started with a list of about 1000 then just meticulously whittled it down, all this to take my mind off my (possible) impending doom...


*=was a last minute addition, many bands had to be severely reduced to make room for DM, mainly Goth stuff and PJ Harvey was (sadly) greatly reduced

ps: Thoughts on playing more Depeche Mode, I think its time, I really love this band, but "we" listened to them a lot when I was with HER, almost as much Moz/Smiths & the subject matter of their songs just reinforced memories of then and with oh so much melancholy, but not so much when I am abroad, like now, when I am so far from home the pain of HER absence seems to lessen just enough that I think that: "Yeah, I can get through this." and enjoy whatever music I like, hooah! ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/931-believe-it-or-not-writing-this-crap-calms-me-down http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/929-October-bad-poetry-time-for-me Sat, 06 Oct 2012 06:45:49 GMT Long Lost Angel I wander the world, looking low, looking high Sometimes the wind carries her voice to me, her sigh She was my treasure, my... Long Lost Angel

I wander the world, looking low, looking high
Sometimes the wind carries her voice to me, her sigh
She was my treasure, my shame, my bliss
All my life means nothing without her kiss
My long lost angel ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/929-October-bad-poetry-time-for-me http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/893-a-month-back-in-the-USA-amp-a-month-of-music Mon, 06 Aug 2012 01:22:26 GMT Image: http://www.mnn.com/sites/default/files/main_mojave.jpg its been quite hot out here in the desert for this last month, many days over 100...
its been quite hot out here in the desert for this last month, many days over 100 degrees Fahrenheit
:straightface:
quite a contrast from the often cold of Georgia(the country)
the end result is that I spend much time inside where there is air conditioning :o
but I am looking forward to making it down to L.A. from the 20th to the 24th though :)
&

I see am playing less Moz & Smiths since getting back to the States, I think this is more because of new albums by other artists I love(ahh, Fiona Apple :love:)
but likely a little of the fall off is because he has been annoying lately when he opens his mouth to do anything other than sing :eek:


ps: I am really enjoying watching my Dodgers on TV and the Olympics :guitar: ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/893-a-month-back-in-the-USA-amp-a-month-of-music http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/877-8-quot-duets-quot-for-8-broken Sat, 14 Jul 2012 22:08:18 GMT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcs3wSzqTI8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY...






]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/877-8-quot-duets-quot-for-8-broken http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/860-Tkibuli-here-I-come Fri, 29 Jun 2012 12:55:19 GMT So this past weekend, in the aftermath of one of Nugo's drunken rages, he denied me the right to use the internet and even though I both just a little over a week to endure of his behavior and knew he would likely forget about his denying me the internet in a few days, I decided that enough was enough and made the hundred kilometer journey by bus to see my, well, basically my "boss". For once I kept my resolve when speaking to her, sometimes its hard to around L. her sweet words, the fact that she is extremely beautiful, these have distracted me in the past. This time she promptly got on the phone with Nugo to get my computer access returned to me, which is only just, since I have been paying the entire bill for almost since I got here! It did not stop there, she assured me she would have another host family as soon as possible, I think she really understood this time how important this was to me that it get done before I am supposed to return and at least knowing the details about them before I left on my "vaca" was the minimum I was hoping for. Well, she did better than that, I am going to my new town and family on Monday, just 3 days before I go back to Cali for 2 months. Thank god for this, for so many reasons, but the one that springs to mind right now is that the die is really cast. Today L. calls Nugo to inform him that I will be leaving on Monday. And good thing too, because my resolve is already weakening, thoughts turn to how much harder it will be to see Alison once I return(though she may be somewhere else in Georgia by then too) anyways.
& more importantly, since the last big blow-up, things have been fine here, almost good I would say, it leaves me wondering if I did not over react, but in my head I know I have not. As I write this, it has me wondering: "Perhaps this is similar(all be it less intense) to what is was like to be married to me?" All raging storm one minute, then kind and sweet the next. I find it terrible to be around, I cannot imagine how worse it would be if I had endured this with someone I was "romantic" with. Gosh, I still have so much to atone for. Enough about that though, really just happy to know I will not be staying here anymore and have another place, hopefully a better place to go...


ps: my access is still limited however, when I am not using it, Nino takes it away to use somewhere else, and I have no idea whether she will be bringing back here before I leave on Monday, so this may goodbye for a while :straightface: ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/860-Tkibuli-here-I-come http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/857-Alison(continued) Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:13:57 GMT At one point she complimented me on my Georgian, I think I may have blushed, I told her I only knew about a hundred words, but they seem to be the... At one point she complimented me on my Georgian, I think I may have blushed, I told her I only knew about a hundred words, but they seem to be the ones I really needed. I assured her that when she had been here as long as I have that she would know far more Georgian than me. I then used that as an opening to ask here what other languages she spoke. She told me she knew a little Spanish from high school and some Cantonese, but not a lot. I asked her why that was. She told me her mother wanted her to be totally "American" and her step-dad did not speak it, I said something like "typical white guy" She giggled at that and said: "Yeah, good guess." At this point my mind was screaming "banana, banana, banana"
Which is quite possibly the worst possible thing I could utter, but the malice within my mind was held in check once again. Besides, putting aside the offensive nature of the term "banana"
Yellow on the outside, white on the inside. The truth is, thats what I have always been programmed to love, beautiful, glasses wearing, musical loving, Asian American women. One cannot escape one's fate. Having said that, I also know now the importance of liking people for who they really are, not just some collection of attributes that I seem to adore in the abstract. Fuck that part of my mind, it is not the real me.
After a few hours my feet had begun to hurt, I was wearing my dress shoes, not boots, see I actually had really only planned to go to the bank and get some "Magti" cards, but after seeing Alison, I decided to go shopping, in the hopes she would want to go with me. Now I was paying for being right about that. I started favoring my left foot and Alison seemed to noticed. We talked about getting some food, but then decided not to because of the time. I asked her if she knew where to get the bus back to Boriti, she thought she did, across from where we got out. I explained to her the byzantine arrangement of where to get "the right bus" and took her to where the buses all said they were going to "Tbilisi" but could be taken part of the way to our destinations. Here is the one time knowing Nugo came in handy, I knew all the drivers there, four by name, I introduced Alison to them, explaining to them that she was another American and would need to take a bus every once and a while to Boriti like I do to "V-town" I did my best to convey that I hoped they would do this for her, like they have for me. One seem to understand my point, asking me in Georgian if I liked her or something like that, I responded: "Ho, ho, dzalian deni"
Which means "Yes, yes, very much." It was weird watching Alison during this exchange, this is maybe the first time I have been on that side of such an exchange in a language other than English.

For the first time, I hoped that it would take a long time to get a bus and that the bus ride would be slow, no such luck, still, it was nice to hear her talk as she chattered away about her mother, who she currently hates, seeing her real father in China, how weird that was, she was dissappointed how much he reminded her of her step-father, Peter, who she did not really dislike but had never really been close to, he worked all the time and now that her mom and him were separated, she did not think she would know him anymore. I talked about my own experiences of "step-parents" one good, one bad. I hesitated to mention my dead father, stay away from big things I kept telling myself. Her stop came to soon, I asked the driver in Georgian to stop and when she went to get off I handed her a piece of paper with my number on it, telling her to give me a call if she wanted to go to town together again, or you know, to just talk, she took it, smiled and said goodbye.
That was a week ago, she called last night, we talked for hours, I did talk about my father, she told me about her parents, how they had been students in the USA, but her mom got pregnant and wanted to stay, she seemed to think her mom did that on purpose so that she would not have to go back to China, her dad had wanted to go back and though he did initially stay, he eventually went back to China after a few years, abandoning her and her mother. She did not seem to blame him too much though, she made her mother sound very domineering. Her mother quickly remarried though, a business partner of her dad's, Peter. I asked her if she had a Chinese first name and she told me her middle name was one, she never uses it and her mother had not even wanted her to have one, part of the whole her being "totally American" thing. As she talked more about her mother, I finally put my foot in my big mouth, sort of. See, right now she hates her mother, but I do not believe this will always be so and I tried to look at what she was saying about her from outside of just agreeing with Alison. The truth is, her mother sounded admirable to me and I told her so, I said something like:
"You know, what your mother did was pretty courageous, going to another country, having a kid and deciding to stay here on her own, with you, sounds brave to me."
A long silence followed, then she said "I guess so."
I chose then to mention my father, how much I fought with him when he was alive, how much I miss and admire him now that he is gone. My hope being that I had put in perspective what I said about her mother, who knows. We'd been talking for hours when she mentioned that her mother was planning on taking a trip to China soon. I asked her if her mom would see her father, she thought she would, even though they both seemed to still hate each other, even after all this time, I said:
"Really? Must be love, to hate someone for so long" She actually agreed with me, joking that maybe they would get back together, I said "Stranger things have happened, especially if she is still beatiful." She laughed and said: "How'd you know she's beautiful?" I said: "I've met her daughter." There was another long pause then she gave a breathy sigh and asked me about my upcoming vacation in the States, she misses them already, not Orange County so much, but you know, the USA, by that point we had been talking for over 2 hours, it was getting late, so we both said good bye. If she does not call in a week, I'll give her a call, but just once.
This is already all really going to my head, thats why I had to write this, I do feel a little better now :o ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/857-Alison(continued) http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/856-Her-name-is-Alison Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:12:41 GMT & though I barely know her, I think I am falling in love with her. This is problematic because I may never see her again.
OK, maybe I should start at the beginning.
A couple of months ago I was in Kash... with Nugo and he was planning on being there a lot longer than I wanted to, so I caught a bus back here to V-town.
On the bus were two other Americans, Peace Corps volunteers, on there way to Batumi for the weekend. The man was named Reggie and the woman was Alison.
He was short, fat(heavier than me even) and wearing those terrible cargo pants looking shorts I despise, these ones were in the style of desert camo fatigues but only going down to the knees, so I took a pretty immediate disliking to him. She, Alison, looks like the Margaret Wang character from "Rushmore" glasses included, god how I adore a pretty woman in glasses. As soon as I looked at her I(in my head) thanked God I had shaved that morning, including my head, followed by the voice in my head reminding me that I almost always shave if I know I am going to be going "to town" soon, so in the end, just better to thank myself.
During that nearly hour sitting on the bus next to each other, Reggie did most of the talking, he was loud and seemed to somewhat talk down to Alison, he began to remind me of my younger self a little, so my dislike quickly became hate, tinged with jealousy of course, I just could not understand what she was doing with this loser. The little that Alison did speak, I learned that she was from Socal too, had Reggie not been there I would have delved deeper, but instead I just sat there, listening to Reggie repeatedly cut her off and giving me the evil eye. When I got up to leave the bus I told them it was a pleasure to meet them, shook Alison's hand, because she stood up, then as I moved past them I turned to Reggie and said: "Nice shorts" Alison giggled at that which is what I remember most from that first brief encounter with her. She banged around inside my head for a number of weeks and was probably the reason I went to the trouble of downloading the "Rushmore" soundtrack, I had not listened to it in years, but use to play it all the time for years. Back in late 04 when my world came crashing down around me, it was one of the few CDs I managed to salvage from the ruins of my life, but it turned out to be very scratched and I forgot all about it, just as I had about Alison.
Until last week, I was on the bus to Zep... to making my tri-monthly trip to the bank and she got on, by herself in Boriti, there were two empty seats on the bus, one next to me at the very back, I always sit at the very back, and directly in front of me there was one next to, of all things, another Asian woman. A little about this other Asian woman, I had shared the bus with her more than once, I happened to know she spoke no English, was from mainland China, she always had a stern look about her and wore dark sunglasses. Alison moved past her and sat down next to me, I think I gaped at her for a second, she wrinkled her brow and I said: "I'm Robby, you probably don't remember, but we met on another bus a while ago, your Alison, right?" She said something like "Oh yeah" and we got to talking. Turns out she was on her way to Zep... for the first time, she needed to go to the bank there, I told her I knew where it was and could show her, she thanked me. Then at some point I asked her how she had liked Batumi, she did not seem to like it very much, I suggested that that might have been because of the company she was keeping. She responded with: "Yeah, he turned out to be a jerk." I smiled(making sure to keep my mouth shut, I always worry about the horror which is the inside of my mouth, then said: "Sorry, but that does not surprise me." She told me that at one point she think he want off with a prostitute, I then told her that is one of the things Batumi is reknowned for, still though, kind of messed up him doing that with having brought you along with him, wow.
Here I must note Alison's voice, she talked fast, not as fast as I have been known to, but at about the same still fast pace I do now, so thankfully, this meant she had no trouble understanding me, nor I her, and the sound of her voice, oh god, the sound her voice, it was both squeaky and tapered of to breathless when she spoke a lot, which she did. At some point I learned that she had graduated from UCI last year(which I calculated made her 23) She was planning to go to med school, but first taking a break from school to visit her father in China and then do a year in the Peace Corp, which sent her here to Georgia to help with the opening of a little medical facility, mainly for pre-natal care and giving kids shots. When we got to the bank, there was big dumpster in front of it and it looked like they were doing construction work at it. We went up to the ATM machine, she looked relieved when she saw it, I was about to use it, when I stopped, turned to her and said: "You know, the atm frequently runs out of money, and I still have enough on me to make it home, you go first, oh and make sure to tell it "no" when it asks you if you want a receipt, the paper always seems to be out and if you press "yes" it often cancels your transaction. She thanked me and tried to use it, sure enough it was out of money and the bank was closed for business, I could see panic creep into her face and I told her not to worry, we still had many options, the first being using a non-Liberty bank atm, but that would mean a high service fee, second, we could walk around looking for these Liberty bank vans that you could get money at, I asked her if she had her passport, she did not, but I thought that might still work since they had let me use my California Drivers License once, lastly, I knew of another Liberty bank a couple of miles away, I had never used it, but found it when I was taking a short-cut months ago, I asked her if she was up for that. She said yes and we walked off. As we walked, she did most of the talking, but sometimes we just walked quietly, this is something I have been practicing now for a while, just being quiet, its hard for me, but I managed, I did let her know how much I appreciated talking to another American, in my town there is only one other person who speaks English, one of my co-teachers and she does not like me, so we talked little, none now that school is out. We then talked about how different our experiences of Georgia have been, she is mainly around people who speak English, either other volunteers or Georgian professionals. When we got to the bank, which is easy to miss, the only way to tell what it is one is on the door which is opened inward, you can only see it at the right angle and maybe the security guard is outside of it or near the door. He was not, but when we got in, there he was, I told him hello in Georgian, he seemed to recognize me from my walking by there a number of times over the months, I asked him if there was an ATM, he pointed at the end of a long corridor, I thanked him and could tell it had just been installed. We got our money and I asked her if she needed to do anything else in town, telling her my plans to buy some food and internet cards(Magti). She said that would be great, she wanted to get some of her own food, she shared a house with a number other volunteers and she really wanted to get some fruit and vegetables, all other people she lived with were big meat eaters. I asked her if she was a vegetarian, she said some weird word which basically means she eats fish & shellfish but not other animals. Then she asked me if I was one, I told her no, even though I listen to a lot of Morrissey. She asked me:
"Isn't he that guy who hates Chinese people?" I think she was joking but I am pretty knee jerk about defending him, so I tried to explain what he had meant by what he said, it was stupid, I should have never mentioned him, but she seemed to let it pass, I suppose I should have just been happy she knew who he was. I asked her what music she liked, she said "Musicals" I said "Of course" She asked me what I meant by that and I told her I loved musicals too. At some point it came out that we were both really from "Orange County" not L.A.
Me having gone to high school in Westminster and her growing up mainly in Tustin, not far away.
Here is where I could have put my foot in my mouth and talked about more about Westminster, going to a mainly Asian high school and steering perilously close to other things I should not mention(or someone). For once I did not do those things, could it be I am learning?
As I took her to the different market stores and the big "bazaari" I bought things, so did she, I used my little Georgian, even haggled some, more than usual, I was really on my game both language wise and getting the prices down on things, I put this off to having an audience and a beautiful(at least to me) one at that. I think if I could just imagine I am in the presence of a beautiful English speaking woman all the time, I really could be more of the me I meant to be. ]]> http://www.morrissey-solo.com/entries/856-Her-name-is-Alison