"Most Unwelcome Testicular Imagery": 'Dear God, Please Help Me' - Something Awful
posted by davidt on Friday January 19 2007, @01:00PM

mattorefice sends the link:

2006 Reader's Choice Awards - Your Band Sucks - Something Awful

Most Unwelcome Testicular Imagery
Morrissey - Dear God Please Help Me

After a 20 year career in which Morrissey thankfully remained asexual and aloof he finally decides to let his audience know exactly how horny he is with the unforgettable line;

'There are explosive kegs, between my legs.'

The mental image of a middle-aged Morrissey wandering the streets of Rome with a bulging scrotum is not one I had hoped to encounter. While I can't really begrudge the man his sexual awakening, I wish he had not let us know about it with this extremely disturbing metaphor.

-David C James

 
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"Most Unwelcome Testicular Imagery": 'Dear God, Please Help Me' - Something Awful | Log in/Create an Account | Top | 84 comments | Search Discussion
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The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
now cmon people (Score:0)
its funny and you know it

cue angry psycho moz fans...

"how dare he make fun of my mozzers balls!"

Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @01:29PM (#246642)
[ Reply to this comment ]
But oh, my dearest (Score:1)
David James (is that the name?), everthing is about HOW you sing it and not WHAT you sing...

And everthing in true art surrenders itself to the touching powers of imagination: I can still cry over the sight of Moz's explosive kegs, even though I totally lack them myself...but it is not his kegs I am seeing, it is the feeling of deprivation, brought down to the most psychossomatic form, the erotic, sensitive one, that reaches me here...

Probably it reached this guy's where he really didn't want! ;)
Mrs. Woolf -- Friday January 19 2007, @02:09PM (#246650)
(User #14157 Info)
[ Reply to this comment ]
Honestly... (Score:1)
I find that line cringe worthy as well. Sorry.
realitybites -- Friday January 19 2007, @02:46PM (#246653)
(User #13041 Info | http://www.myspace.com/jehne )
[ Reply to this comment ]
  • Re:Honestly... by Anonymous (Score:0) Sunday January 21 2007, @03:57PM
    balls (Score:1)
    at least he HAS balls.
    fatso -- Friday January 19 2007, @02:51PM (#246654)
    (User #17577 Info)
    [ Reply to this comment ]
      Swallowneck - Testies Testies!!! (Score:0)
      The thought of over-ripe balls usually has Swallowneck frothing at the mouth, but he would much rather think of Morrissey in the "sans packet" sense... Get over it, guys!
      MarkFromScatter -- Friday January 19 2007, @03:25PM (#246657)
      (User #16900 Info)
      If you don't like me, don't look at me...
      [ Reply to this comment ]
        smell the roses (Score:1)
        I like the lyric because it brings some pretty graphic natural landscape into the picture, something we would admire if we weren't so neurotic a people, catching a glimpse of it in passing, maybe stopping to have a better look, like one would at some wild flowers.
        redpathetic <redpathetic@yahoo.com> -- Friday January 19 2007, @03:42PM (#246660)
        (User #6184 Info)
        Happy in this final acceptance of his own absurdity...Albert Camus
        [ Reply to this comment ]
        Absolutley Thank you (Score:1)
        For not crediting me with the story i found and submitted to the forum, thanks a lot.
        Godlovesugly -- Friday January 19 2007, @04:04PM (#246667)
        (User #15744 Info)
        [ Reply to this comment ]
        dumbing down (Score:0)
        "how horny he is".

        I'm not sure this fellow could possibly know about metaphor.
        Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @04:06PM (#246668)
        [ Reply to this comment ]
          Bland lyrics are all that's required (Score:0)
          Doesn't Morrissey know this?

          How dare he write something that disturbs or unsettles us. He should study Coldplay and learn to write lyrics that are inoffensive.
          Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @04:21PM (#246679)
          [ Reply to this comment ]
            It's a metaphor for his unrequited love/lust... (Score:1)
            "Explosive Kegs Between His Legs" is simply a metaphor for his unrequited love/lust.
            Although, I am only 4 years younger than Morrissey and am in my sexual peak for sure (a little Catholic twisting did help with my stunted sexuality). Woman, man, what difference does it make? Sex gets better and more intense with age. Deal with it.
            And...further more, I don't believe he has been asexual for years. A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Morrissey is a gentleman if nothing else, no?
            zellah -- Friday January 19 2007, @05:07PM (#246683)
            (User #11911 Info)
            [ Reply to this comment ]
            Is that guy trying to say... (Score:1)
            Morrissey's nuts?
            dizzy flipper -- Friday January 19 2007, @05:56PM (#246686)
            (User #18036 Info)
            The only one around here who is me, is me
            [ Reply to this comment ]
              Birth or rebirth (Score:1)
              I always thought this song could be the metaphor for birth or rebirth. The explosive kegs don't mean necessarily testicles! And the spreading of legs with [mine] in between might mean a newborn passing through his mother legs during childbirth...
              Mrs. Woolf -- Friday January 19 2007, @07:38PM (#246690)
              (User #14157 Info)
              [ Reply to this comment ]
              Hasnt anyone realized... (Score:0)
              We're tlaking about Somethign Awful here - they dont really take anything seriously! The music awards that this was a part of is a big joke, and everyone submitting just plays on the srtists stereotype and commerical image. I wouldnt be suprised if the writer was actually a big Moz fan.
              Don't take this too seriously people! Cheer up!
              Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @09:15PM (#246693)
              [ Reply to this comment ]
                You're a wanker (Score:1)
                I think the line was great, as it would have to be, since the song is great and the man who wrote it is the best lyricist there is.
                Very plaintive, very unexpected, very sexual without a hint of vulgarity or crassness, if that's a word. Anyway, it is now. It's a bloody GREAT line.
                So sod off, no one cares what you think of Morrissey or his lyrics. If you even got close enough to the album to HEAR that line, then you should have been stopped at the gate for trespassing.
                Carry on, Mozzer. I love you.
                MozFiend76 -- Saturday January 20 2007, @01:18AM (#246698)
                (User #17742 Info)
                [ Reply to this comment ]
                I love him so much.... (Score:1)
                His reference to 'explosive kegs' sounds to me like he may be feeling sexually frustrated - i.e. ready to explode. Not necessarily that they are 'exploding'. His celibacy can't be easy - GIVE HIM A BREAK!

                Mozzer for PM!
                Bev* -- Saturday January 20 2007, @02:03AM (#246699)
                (User #18150 Info)
                [ Reply to this comment ]
                sorry but the lyric is hideous (Score:0)
                without doubt the most embarassing thing Moz has ever written.
                if the 27 year old Moz was told that he would one day write such a cringe inducing lyric he would have retired there and then.
                Sadly, Moz surrounds himself with too many 'yes men'.
                Anonymous -- Saturday January 20 2007, @05:34AM (#246717)
                [ Reply to this comment ]
                "Dear God" is the best song on the album (Score:1)
                It's not my favorite song, but it is the only one that really, truly has all the hallmarks of Morrissey at his very best: lyrical depth, ambiguity, humor, truth, novelty, and an impious, threatening edge.

                I can just see him, contemplating this rather beautiful melody, and thinking about how he could shake it up a bit. If he had penned a more moderate line about yearning, we would have a far less interesting song on our hands. As it is, I think he rather consciously threw a lyrical spanner in the works. He upset a few people, caused many tongues to wag, and gave his audience a mental image that many find a bit too visceral, but I'm sure gives him a giggle.

                If only I could hear it live...
                Anaesthesine -- Saturday January 20 2007, @09:27PM (#246755)
                (User #14203 Info)
                If Moz did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
                [ Reply to this comment ]
                explosive kegs kill uncle (Score:1)
                If that line had appeared on Kill Uncle, everyone would've used it as an example of a bad lyric.
                It's not the line, it's the way it appears in the song. It almost sounds like they tacked it onto the end of a verse. But explosive kegs line or not, it's the general lack of anything happening musically in that song that makes it stand out as not very good. And Tony Visconti should hang his head in shame for butchering Morricone's strings the way he did. That song had potential and they just pissed it away.

                Anyhoo, Most Unwelcome Testicular Imagery. That's pretty funny, what were the other nominees I wonder...
                AnthonyGlamour <a_cutt_1981@yahoo.co.uk> -- Sunday January 21 2007, @04:54AM (#246767)
                (User #7618 Info | http://www.myspace.com/anthonycutt )
                [ Reply to this comment ]
                ugh (Score:1)
                that line is cringeworthy as someone else has already said
                Frankly Vulgar -- Sunday January 21 2007, @05:19AM (#246768)
                (User #1967 Info)
                "You can tell, by the way, i sleep all day"
                [ Reply to this comment ]
                  MORRISSEY RINGLEADER OF THE TORMENTORS Medium T-sh (Score:1)
                  http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/MORRISSEY-RINGLEADER-OF-THE- TORMENTORS-Medium-T-shirt_W0QQitemZ180076393078QQi hZ008QQcategoryZ72439QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
                  jdbabz -- Sunday January 21 2007, @06:37AM (#246773)
                  (User #10674 Info)
                  [ Reply to this comment ]
                    Titter ye not. (Score:1)
                    "Most unwelcome testicular imagery"! ... I just spat my cuppa at the computer screen.

                    As for all those people who think Moz has somehow betrayed his Smiths self with vulgar imagery, have you not listened to Handsome Devil? "Let me get my hands on your mammary glands". He's also been verbally dropping his trousers since 1984.

                    Inside every bookish intellectual is the repressed naughty schoolboy waiting to shock.

                    An old (very moral) friend recently suggested to me that he saw the line as reflecting his own repressed desire. i.e. he could sleep with every looker in the street that gets him excited, but he chooses not to, hence he's a bit full sometimes (for want of a better expression).
                    I, on the other hand, think Moz is really, really enjoying himself in Rome, releasing his pent up frustration all over the holy city (if that's not too graphic an image). God love our Morrissey and his potty mouth; it raises a giggle in an otherwise heartbreaking song, and what other artist can do that for you?
                    Mozzersgirl -- Sunday January 21 2007, @12:03PM (#246789)
                    (User #14229 Info)
                    “We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”
                    [ Reply to this comment ]
                      Cover time (Score:1)
                      That line has, unfortunately, left the song open for Cliff Richard to cover. The Peter Pan of Pop has not emptied his pods for years - so he says anyway.... since Sue Barker perhaps
                      Shakingobscene -- Monday January 22 2007, @04:40AM (#246811)
                      (User #16324 Info)
                      "And Athena loves your body, so think of the sea as you murder me"
                      [ Reply to this comment ]
                      • Re:Cover time by Anonymous (Score:0) Monday January 22 2007, @05:40AM
                        Re Put that bucket of sand away (Score:0)
                        So you find it disturbing,says more about you than Moz..At least hes got the Balls to look at his sexuality..Think americas sexually repressed when a womans breast J Jacksons breast,caused more waffle than going on a murderous war of occupation ib Iraq..How much of Victorian sexual attitudes exist i wonder.I know times change but song sheets pretty familiar
                        Anonymous -- Monday January 22 2007, @08:14PM (#246853)
                        [ Reply to this comment ]
                          I am David C James and I wrote this. (Score:0)
                          Just popping in to say I'm a huge Morrissey fan, and it tickles me pink to see my name on the front page of Morrissey-solo.com
                          Anonymous -- Tuesday January 23 2007, @10:32AM (#246899)
                          [ Reply to this comment ]
                          That's more or less . . . (Score:1)
                          . . . what my father said when he heard it. Or, rather, that's what I'm sure my father was thinking. What he did in actuality was grimace, splutter and spray the table with sandwich.
                          Poppycocteau <celticcurls_4@hotmail.com> -- Tuesday January 23 2007, @10:54AM (#246900)
                          (User #9489 Info)
                          We are ugly but we have the music
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