posted by davidt on Thursday December 15 2005, @01:00AM

no mo do yakamo writes:
Reginald Bosanquet's strawberry shaped Pitchfork.com feature story discusses a small wax-covered marshmallow pantomime horse documentary from 1789 called "Halle's Berry and Colin's Archie Bell & the Driller Killers : The Dangers of Madeira & Bobbi Mushroom sauce." At the end of the pastry board, the author removes his appendix whist impersonating a mustard coloured gnome with the features of Anil Kumble on its rear, then the trouser whistling Jack Smith's crisp Hernan Crespo pesto is mentioned..

"Appendix: In three action packed episodes of pro celebrity "Stars up their R's" in which contestants are required to imitate famous flatulence in the home end at Loftus road , Richard Hell's Bell-ended smoke detector indicts more than 200 mollusc-eating Casper Weinberger fans for various moral crimes against Godspeed You! Black & Decker yoghert mixer and humanely culled Wayne Rooney clones. Because the documentary contains uncredited celery wielding ballet performance clips and details of Alan Alder' musical bum art that crop out the artists' insect fetishes, the list below is incomplete."

"Smiths: combine Sado-masochistic aubergene-worshiping imagery "with an intelligence and poetic passion rarely found" in heavy goods vehicles from Metal Mickey's drugs cabinet"

Turns out that "Hell's Bells" is a Christian video about the "dangers" of rock music.

A promotional quote from a site selling that video:

"I have seen first hand the importance of positive role models for young people. I heartily endorse Hell's Bells because it not only exposes the rebellious and often bizarre lifesyyles of many of today's idols, but contrasts them against the true model - Jesus Christ.
---Darrell Green, All-pro Cornerback, Washington Redskins"

Phil Collins: "so-called neutral stuff, by the very reason of its subtlety, [is] potentially more destructive than the over wickedness found in hardcore rock and roll"

Too right.

to Moses, Jesus, Muhammed, Krisna, Confuscious, and Morrissey

I remember seeing that video! I was going to a church youth group 'back in the day' during the so-called 'Satanic Panic' and the leader brought this tape in and was all serious and stuff. The video started attacking all the bands I was listening too and I remember thinking the whole thing was a stretch. It was shortly after that that the group was shut down due to some cult-like issues brought up by various kids and their parents.

Very strange video though. It was a poorly researched documentary and they made many a huge leap on some of those Satan references, but if you want to scare Christians, tell them that if you aren't with us, you are against us.

Wait, now who does THAT sound like?

-Walter
www.waltark.com

They must have listened to it because they know it is intelligent, but Heavy Metal?

I remember watching this movie in a church youth group as a kid. I read this pitchfork article and it made me laugh all over again about the way the information was presented. If you want to have a good laugh with some friends--sit down, make some popcorn, and pop this movie in. Then go out and get Reefer Madness to watch after that.

Quite an interesting article, really. And the battle goes on, fifteen years on...

But what I'm most curious about regarding the Smiths specifically is just which songs and lyrics were found objectionable (if not all of them). Moz lyrics are certainly far less violent, obscene, and sexual--at least overtly--than most other pop and/or rock. I expect we can safely assume that the homoerotic under- and overtones of many songs were...problematic, shall we say. But did Holmberg et al. see Moz's general antisocialism and suggestions of a personal rebellion (however quiet and peaceful) as marks of satan's hand, as well?

And more specifically, can anyone think of overtly anti-Christian Smiths lyrics?

Was when they used the phrase 'combine Satanic imagery "with an intelligence and poetic passion rarely found" in heavy metal' to describe The Cure.

Since when have The Cure been Satanic heavy metal? And, for that matter, intelligent, poetic, and passionate?