was this written by a 12 year old then translated by a chimpanzee?

mildly amusing only.

homophobic certainly.

Much of this list is accurate.

okay, I dont understand the pillow thing.
I've heard people here, and other fans say thay morrissey is gay many a time.
The Manchester comment can't piss anyone off because it seems the journalist doesn't know any other bands from that city but the smiths and buzzcocks - one would just laugh at the ignorance, same with 6.
11 - surely metioning southpaw or maladjusted as being shite would be more provocative.
Um, well I agree with 8. its not the ONLY thing that touches me, but still.
I was expecting to be annoyed by this article, 3 is slightly irritating, 10 might be if it wasn't so poorly translated. (sorry).

I thought it was funny, actually, but it sounds like a lot of things my friends say to me to tease me about my musical tastes!

Maybe I just don't take music as seriously as other people, and I can actually laugh about jokes like that...

Anyway, the translation was incredibly horrible, but, it was still understandable.

With spelling and grammar like that, this Brazilian surely didn't get too far in his life....

Boy, am I fookin' pissed off. Not because of the lame-o, lily-livered so-called insults. I'm pissed off at the fact that I actually read the entire posting. What an unmitigated crock of shit. Tseng, you need to filter out this shit, man!!

It worked! I did get mad reading it. But all joking aside, why DID Morrissey wear a band-aid on his nipple?

I'm really impressed that there are people in Brazil who know so much about british music in thei 1970s-90s!

As a rather fanatic fan of Morrissey who has traveled far many times to see him live, let's see how I reacted to these points.
1 - Morrissey is gay.
perhaps
2 - Morrissey is so gay.
perhaps
3 - Jhonny Marr was ok but the rest of the band was crap.
I know Johnny Marr was in the band but this Jhonny guy... never heard of him.
4 - Jhonny Marr was ok but he was not so good solo.
see number 3
5 - "Rusholme Ruffians" is a copy of "(Marie's the name)His latest flame".
That is probably why Johnny Marr said it was
6 - Morrissey's maturity as a poet was reached in "Ouija Board, Ouija Board".
You obviously haven't heard "Journalists Who Lie"
7 - They didn't need to say that they hated videoclips. The ones they left said it all.
"Ask" video makes me laugh
8 - What touches people in the Smiths' discography is that cows sounds in the beginning of "Meat Is Murder".
Yeah.. whatever.. Double Quarter-pounder with cheese, por favor
9 - When I listen to the band I get so excited as andy Rourke used to get on stage.
You do heroine when you listen to the smiths?
10 - Morrissey still have time to complain about life and get a descent job.
I still has time to respond to this horrendous grammar and maintain a decent job.
11 - When Mick Ronson produced "Your arsenal" he was already severally affect by his disease and couldn't distinguish what as right from what was wrong.
So he produced a great album on his deathbed. Thanks Mick!
12 - Did you buy the pillowcase that was been sold on the Latin-america tour? Did it really had a "Bite Here" in the corner?
No. First off, the pillow cases were available in many US venues as well as the Lantin-American tour. Second, the homo-erotic joke was on the "Wide To Receive" shirt where the words were written across one's arse back in 1997.
13 - You that is a fan: can you explain why Morrissey used a band-aid in the nipple in the "November Spawned a Monster" video?
You that is a critic would know that it was so Beavis and Butthead would use the video on their show and Butthead would freak Beavis out by telling him the Morrissey shaved off his nipple.
14 - If The Buzzcocs didn't exist, Manchester would be irrelevant today.
You think its not already?
15 - Morrissey is really gay."
perhaps

well, they neglected to mention the most common complaint that people always bang on about...

"oh Morrissey, he's so DEPRESSING and MISERABLE".

But of course, WE know different :-)

Morrissey is gay. So that's 3 out of 15. Not bad.

That was a stupid article.It seemed homophobic to me.It doesn`t piss me off when other people say Morrissey is gay.I just say so what if he is.I would still love him no matter what.I don`t know any other fans who get pissed off when people say Morrissey might be gay because most Morrissey fans aren`t homophobic.

The article IS funny. Reading 6-7 and 9-12 I nearly laughed my head off.

I thought it was prety funny but the Mick Ronson jibe wasn't.

really says it all, doesn't it?
I'm from Brazil and a big Smiths fan.
It didn't piss me off because the name explains...
The guys lists what to say if you really want to piss a smiths fan. So if any of you/us got pissed he's probably right ain't he?
Not that any of that is true. He just want to piss someone off, and to do this we don't really need the truth, do we?

After all: Morrissey was very, very gay! And so what? His music was much, much better then any...let's say....Ricky Martin(uhhhh, vey "MACHO" stuff).

See ya'!

That's the kind of stuff I hear everyday. They don't really piss me off. I thought the one about Morrissey with a bandaid on his nipple was funny, because I saw the November video and was puzzled and confused as well. But also, why does he write Vile on his hat and Bad on his neck? Who knows? Anyways, the only thing that REALLY pisses me off is when people say, "Andy Rourke was a smackhead so he sucks" or "Morrissey is ugly." I get those two a lot.

Who?
Van Morrison?
That guy from the Doors?

Good that there is something finally on this page that allows fans to laugh at themselves for a change.
And what about:
"His voice is out of tune"
"He sounds miserable"
"Why do you have to listen to music like that?"

yes. his name is jardel sebba and he always says he loves Morrissey in

http://super.abril.com.br/aberta/colunas/index_juke.html

I remember asking my brother about this bit Morrissey lore several years ago, but about all he could tell me was doing it for a fan... can someone clear this up?

Well...I´m Brazilian and I don´t read ZERO so I cannot tell whether the questions were correctly translated. Anyway, I don´t care whether Morrissey is gay, asexual, bisexual or just a depressed queer, the music he used to provide us was really magnificent. Obviously he seems to have forgotten how good he used to be and decided to act like a bored diva.

The questions were really bad elaborated though.

Bloke in Blue (I don´t know why I am not registered anymore, Why is it so Dave?)

The World is Full of Crashing Bores.

It might've been funny if the list wasn't so long, and if the guy could constuct a sentence.

I found this text on the internet and used a computer program to translate it. I didn't realize that it sounded so bad...

There are any number of reasons why Mozzer put a Band Aid over his nipple during the filming of the November Spawned a Monster video.

The first, and most boring possibility is that he was out in the desert playing around with rocks, petrified trees, boulders, earth, terra firma, etc, and might have gotten a wee scratch, thus needing the bandaid. For example, the Teddy Bear bandaid he has got on the sleeve of "We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful" was said to have come from a real injury and was not just for aesthetics, though it did look cute.

Next, assuming that the bandaid was for affect/effect, meaning for cosmetic, and not medical purposes, I think we can't discuss it without talking about the entire context in which the bandaid was most notably displayed. There is that great sweeping pan right, where Moz has an apple corked in his mouth, bandaid on breast, and hands in his pockets, and head cocked to one side.

Very Vogue, strike a pose. Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone would have been proud of S.P.M.

Though, Muslim, and therefore, one who does not eat pork, I have an awful memory from my childood of seeing a pig roasting at some mock Hawaiian luau.

In the sick and arduous ritual of roasting this animal, a block of wood is placed in its mouth so that the animal maintains an opening wide enough for an apple that is placed in the mouth when it’s done cooking. Then they use heavy butcher’s twine to tie the legs where they want them. They set the pig up so that all of its feet are pointing straight forward and slightly splayed. They try to arrange it so that it sits upright and straight when it sits on the cooking grate.

HOW VILE!

Some decorate the pig as they see fit. In addition, to placing an apple in its mouth, they also use cherries on toothpicks for the eyes. Some put greens around the pig, like lettuce or parsley. Sunglasses are also used.

I AM GETTING NAUSEATED NOW!

Morrissey represents the Spineless Swine (hello Mullet). Perhaps, this was another salvo fired in the direction of the British Music Press. Perhaps, he was making a statement on animal rights. And, it may have been both, as Morrissey often uses words & imagery that function on multiple levels and have more than one meaning.

The bandaid, like a bra, represents modesty, dignitity. Moz is saying that though you (the NME) might roast me like a hog in your reviews of my solo work, and give us the knife when I'm done, and though this hurts me a bit, I will maintain a modicum of self-respect hence the bandaid.

Alternatively, or in addition, that though you (human beings) might murder this animal (which I represent), cook him in the most hideous of fashions, reducing yourself to savages, not just for roasting this animal, but also for the fun you are having in doing it, this animal has a soul, and will maintain its dignity, hence the bandaid.

There also may be bibilical references to Jesus dying on the cross present as well.

More simply, the Chocolate Harmonica just looked cool.

The guy who wrote that shit was born in Goias. Ha, ha, ha...

israel love you morrissey !!!

That's easy! The adhesive medical strip is on his nipple because he's just THAT sensitive! Why cover only one? They must have run out of them out there in the desert.

If everyone's telling how bad it was ... then it made it's point. It really did piss off SMiths fans :)

israel love you morrissey !!!!!!!

We love you Morrissey!!!!!

I keep mine hidden, but with you I’ll make an exception.

I may be half a person, but trust me, the bits that count are full sized.

This night has opened my eyes, now how about you open your legs?

I don't mean to brag, but my meat is absolute MURDER.

Sheila take-a, Sheila take-a bow, and undo my pants while you’re down there....

You know, I actually have a patch kit for that punctured bicycle of yours.

Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep. Feel free, to wake me, in the morning and jump on my bones....

Hello, I am the ghost of Trouble Joe, hung like a pretty white horse, some 18 inches or so...

Feel like Oscillating Wildly?

Oops, that's only nine isn't it...

ignorance never pissed me off, it actually amuses me

We could have probably all made a better list from experience with friends etc. giving us a hard time.

1. All Morrissey Does is Whine.
(I hate this statement that comes out of
peoples mouths because usually they just heard
it somewhere.)
2. Morrissey doesn't have any rockin tunes.
(people who only heard some mtv music)
3. Morrissey is depressing.
(Oh yeah, so is looking at people like you
who just want to be entertained and not look at
life)

I used to have this shirt that was made from 100% polyester-the weave was a twill. It irradiated me so much that it made my nipples often hard; I had to wear band-aids (R) over them so I wouldn't feel any discomfort. Maybe Morrissey wore them for the same reason that shirt looked to be made of an unnatural fiber. Oh, maybe that was too much information. ;-)

The only 2 things that ppl say that really pisses me off are:

1) This guy is faggot.
2) Do you like Morrissey? You are gay?

The list is partially funny. Just a little too long.