TeddyMorrissey
January 10, 2001, 03:45 PM
Dear Viewers
Yet again the Yultide feast of television on those common channels was crap to say the least. And even if their was somthing worth watching, which really only included the likes of soaps, that dreaded message for the Samaritans goes past the bottom of the screen every twenty bloody minutes. Oh wasn't that fun and useful like a drill-bit in the back of the head.
The BBC in their infenate wisdom still cling to the hope that people want to watch Larry LLewyellen Bohan prance in and out of rooms like a sexually retarded Robin Hood, here to save the day and the decore, with a splash of colour hither and yon. I reckon we all band together and hire a hitman to put the nation and Bohan out of his misery. Alan Tichmarsh may get a stay of execution if he signs pact never to appear on TV again, and lives for the rest of his natural life with the Monks on Lindersfarn Island, living on goatscheese and cheap wine.
Charlie Dimmock should be strangled to death live on BBC TV with someones bra straps, as she obviously has none of her own, and doesn't seem to believe in them. I suppose we will see her presenting a gardening programme soon enough from the confines of a nudist colony. The thought is too stomach-churning to contemplate to me. Who needs to see the nausious sight of Charlie's mammaries swinging free and unfetterd like two lumps of Lard within a cheap and nasty T-Shirt while eating their tea. She was only the Gardener's daughter, but she'd put her fingers into eny old sod. Ha ha ha ha. If their was ever a man in drag it was Dimmock. When she was born the Midwife asked the mother how the hell she could produce this. Iim pretty sure Charlie Dimmock doesn't have eny mirrors in her house, as she has probably smashed them all looking into them. And enyway she's already working through 70 years of bad luck currently. Her byography from Joana books will be out in the Summer and will be called "A Bin Full Of Broken Mirrors".
One of the stories within this book will be about the time at the age of eighteen she went out (on her own, remember she's got no friends) to a nightclub, and tried chatting to some bloke at the bar she fancied. She went away in tears after he announced "Iiv had eight pints of Larger luv, and your crater ridden face will still look as ugly to me after another eight pints of the stuff".
Charlie over the Christmas period was in pantomine at the Little Theater That Fell Off The End Of The Pier, Bournmouth. She played the Wicked Stepmother in Cinderella. However due to the extensivness of her uglyness, she was forced to wear a mask on stage. Thios was to prevent small children from being frightened out of their wits and crying their little eyes out.
Their is tell that the book "A Bin Full Of Broken Mirrors" may be turned into a stageplay. In the above scene mentioned Alec Guiness plays the drunk, and their digging up John Candy to play the barman. John Candy's Agent says his career has wained in recent years. "He keeps being asked to play cameo roles as a dead body in films, and he needs a fresh career direction and a few speaking parts. John has lost a alot of weight of late, and would be really better suited to Alec's proposed role. This is just the springboard John needs to re-awaken his recently dieing career. We have also considered trying jumpleads". John's Agent was reported to have said. We asked Candy's Agent where he had been hiding himself when the bit parts where not coming up. "John has likes to shut himself away in the dark, he feels that his fiercely demanding schedule has driven him into the ground in recent times. His heart has not been in it. Nor has most of his other boderly parts either. He feels himself being eaten away by the up-and-coming stars around today. This Stageplay on Charlie Dimmock's life would, Iim sure with a speaking part, make him feel as though he can live again, especially with the help of jumpleads, and an earthing rod..and a tub or two of Lard......and plastic surgery....and 10000000,00000000 volts.........in the laboratory. GM Foods can work wonders scientists have found."
Yet again the Yultide feast of television on those common channels was crap to say the least. And even if their was somthing worth watching, which really only included the likes of soaps, that dreaded message for the Samaritans goes past the bottom of the screen every twenty bloody minutes. Oh wasn't that fun and useful like a drill-bit in the back of the head.
The BBC in their infenate wisdom still cling to the hope that people want to watch Larry LLewyellen Bohan prance in and out of rooms like a sexually retarded Robin Hood, here to save the day and the decore, with a splash of colour hither and yon. I reckon we all band together and hire a hitman to put the nation and Bohan out of his misery. Alan Tichmarsh may get a stay of execution if he signs pact never to appear on TV again, and lives for the rest of his natural life with the Monks on Lindersfarn Island, living on goatscheese and cheap wine.
Charlie Dimmock should be strangled to death live on BBC TV with someones bra straps, as she obviously has none of her own, and doesn't seem to believe in them. I suppose we will see her presenting a gardening programme soon enough from the confines of a nudist colony. The thought is too stomach-churning to contemplate to me. Who needs to see the nausious sight of Charlie's mammaries swinging free and unfetterd like two lumps of Lard within a cheap and nasty T-Shirt while eating their tea. She was only the Gardener's daughter, but she'd put her fingers into eny old sod. Ha ha ha ha. If their was ever a man in drag it was Dimmock. When she was born the Midwife asked the mother how the hell she could produce this. Iim pretty sure Charlie Dimmock doesn't have eny mirrors in her house, as she has probably smashed them all looking into them. And enyway she's already working through 70 years of bad luck currently. Her byography from Joana books will be out in the Summer and will be called "A Bin Full Of Broken Mirrors".
One of the stories within this book will be about the time at the age of eighteen she went out (on her own, remember she's got no friends) to a nightclub, and tried chatting to some bloke at the bar she fancied. She went away in tears after he announced "Iiv had eight pints of Larger luv, and your crater ridden face will still look as ugly to me after another eight pints of the stuff".
Charlie over the Christmas period was in pantomine at the Little Theater That Fell Off The End Of The Pier, Bournmouth. She played the Wicked Stepmother in Cinderella. However due to the extensivness of her uglyness, she was forced to wear a mask on stage. Thios was to prevent small children from being frightened out of their wits and crying their little eyes out.
Their is tell that the book "A Bin Full Of Broken Mirrors" may be turned into a stageplay. In the above scene mentioned Alec Guiness plays the drunk, and their digging up John Candy to play the barman. John Candy's Agent says his career has wained in recent years. "He keeps being asked to play cameo roles as a dead body in films, and he needs a fresh career direction and a few speaking parts. John has lost a alot of weight of late, and would be really better suited to Alec's proposed role. This is just the springboard John needs to re-awaken his recently dieing career. We have also considered trying jumpleads". John's Agent was reported to have said. We asked Candy's Agent where he had been hiding himself when the bit parts where not coming up. "John has likes to shut himself away in the dark, he feels that his fiercely demanding schedule has driven him into the ground in recent times. His heart has not been in it. Nor has most of his other boderly parts either. He feels himself being eaten away by the up-and-coming stars around today. This Stageplay on Charlie Dimmock's life would, Iim sure with a speaking part, make him feel as though he can live again, especially with the help of jumpleads, and an earthing rod..and a tub or two of Lard......and plastic surgery....and 10000000,00000000 volts.........in the laboratory. GM Foods can work wonders scientists have found."