E
Edward the Horse (Mr. Ed if you're nasty)
Guest
How To: Equines
DISCLAIMER: I've been having fun with equines for 14 years, and I've never been hurt badly...just bruises, ya gotta play by their rules...This Guide is not meant to be all-encompassing. The author of this article DOES NOT encourage you the reader to perform illegal activities (including trespassing) in the pursuit of your pleasure.
A - How to have more Fun with your Stallion
So-o-o-o, maybe you've thought about trying to make it with a stallion...after all, they sure look like a good time. Here's a few tips on how to make the experience more rewarding for both of you.
1) Find a stallion: preferably somewhere where no one will hear him grunting and snorting, and come to investigate...Older stallions are better; they are more sensible, and less likely to spaz out and hurt someone. Don't even bother with the ones who are half-crazy already, they only get worse when stimulated.
2) The Approach: Quietly walk up to about 10' from him and stop. Let him come to you to investigate. Move very slowly, so as not to startle him, and let him sniff you over...gently pet his neck and withers and murmur encouraging words -win his trust-. At this point it is helpful to smell like a mare in heat...it does wonders for their libido.
3) Smell like an estrus mare: Find a mare in heat, usually 5-6 days out of every 21 (I know it ain't that easy). Approach as in 2) above...pet her flanks and work your way slowly back to rub her tush, and base of her tail. Watch her ears...if she resents this contact she will flatten them back, and swish her tail...further pursuit could lead to being kicked. If the mare does not seem to object, GENTLY dip a finger into her vulva, getting her natural aroma on your hands...some mares will not cooperate and move away from the contact... remember, that is their choice. If the mare tolerates your advances, continue to massage her privates...if she really responds well (by raising her tail and squatting), you can try...oh, yeah...that's for my follow-up article soon to come "How to have more fun with your mare"
4) Restraint: yes, it's a good idea. Some studs get overly excited and react by kicking, biting and/or trying to mount you, all of which are no fun unless yer into S and M too...(although a quick nip on the rump can be fun). Take a halter and lead rope and tie him to a stout object using a slipknot...you do know how to tie a slipknot, don't you? If not, see yer local cub scouts for lessons. The reason for the slipknot is to be able to release him instantly if there's a problem.
5) The Rub: Let the stallion smell the nice, fresh mare odor on your hands- he should respond with snorts, whinnies and (hopefully) an erection. Starting with his neck, pet him gently, massaging his withers and slowly working your way back to his belly and privates. Some studs will get kinda twitchy at this point, swish their tails and kick- stay close to his body, and away from his rear to be safe...avoid being mashed into the stall walls by his body. If he starts to act up quit immediately, calm him down, and start again from the beginning of this step.
6) Clean and Jerk: Unless the horse is seeing active service his penis is probably covered with a layer of smegma, dead skin flakes, etc...it doesn't taste great, nor is terribly useful for lubricating purposes. Wash him up with clean water or -gently- rub the accumulations from his shaft. Apply lube.. K-Y works well. I've found its best to rub the shaft till he's fully-erect, then transfer your attention to the head of the penis. Maintaining a steady pressure on the sensitive glans penis, let him do the thrusting...they usually won't come unless they can thrust-meet his strokes with your own movements. Use your own shameless imagination from this point...again being careful of kicks, love-bites, etc.
B - Helpful Tips: Stallions
1) Wear steel-toed boots to protect your toes from being stomped on.
2) Most Stallions quickly learn to enjoy this stuff, and will come to bug you for more in the future. If they resent this type of contact, don't try to force it or you risk getting creamed...I've seen 'em kick a stall door clean off its hinges
3) A little lube is helpful...I usually carry a 3:2 mix of KY and water in a contact lens cleaner bottle... a little more discreet than big tubes of KY.
4) DO NOT get under him or stick yer face down there unless you absolutely know and trust him...some stallions will try to lie down on top of you (squii-i-ish!), or kick suddenly and cost you a lot of expensive dental work.
5) Wear a safety helmet- I know it sounds weird, but their hooves are like rocks and can easily crush your skull. A broken head can ruin a friendship, so its a good idea to wear a helmet (of course, if you get caught playing with him you'd look REALLY SILLY wearing a helmet but "better safe than dead" I always say).
6) Did he come? Well, when a stallion comes, the tip of his penis (the glans) swells up (flares) into a mushroom shape the size of your fist or bigger... he'll thrust a couple more times then ejaculate 3-4 ounces of semen with enough force to shoot 5 feet. His semen is whitish and runny like eggwhite... do not confuse with pre-ejaculate, which is watery and clear....he will drip copious amounts of this before he comes.
NOTE: Those of you into anal/vaginal sex...do NOT attempt to put his penis into you unless you can already accommodate something the size of a human arm and fist...you risk rupture, and peritonitis if he's too big (plus it'd be real hard to explain what happened to the emergency room staff )
ALWAYS REMEMBER: A stallion is an unpredictable animal...he may be fine one minute, then explode into 1200 pounds of biting, kicking horseflesh. He may be enjoying himself but he doesn't know his own strength and can disable or kill you without meaning to. If you aren't familiar with the proper handling of equines I strongly urge you to find someone who does to help you the first time (I know that's tough to do, but its for both of your safeties).
C - How to have more Fun with your Mare
Well, maybe you tried the stallion, and maybe you haven't. This article is for those of you who might be interested in mares, but haven't had the opportunity to make the most out of the situation...
1) Find a Mare: Easier said than done, sometimes! Locate a likely recipient to your advances and get to know her...spend lots of time scratching her withers and tickling her, share breath and build her trust with you-even the most receptive mares won't have anything to do with someone they don't feel at ease with. Get to know her on a more personal level.
2) Determine if she's in heat: Most (not all, but most) mares are totally unreceptive to sexual advances when they are not in estrus. In mares the cycle is 21 days on average...16 out, then 5-6 days in, with the mare getting progressively more "hot" till she ovulates and goes out of heat about 12 hours later. Most mares will not go out of their way to show estrus signs to humans unless already accustomed to sexing with them. The best way to get her to show signs is by exposing her to a stallion or particularly randy gelding. This is caused "teasing" the mare in the breeding business, and is when the stallion does his screaming, snorting, prancing thing to show off...just like many college freshmen. The estrus mare should respond by raising her tail, squatting and emitting a stream of urine. She will also "wink" at you...by contracting her vaginal muscles and exposing her clitoris. Wink... wink... wink... you get the idea. The clitoris in the mare looks like a half-dollar-size replica of the stallion's glans penis...it is located at the bottom of the vaginal opening. The mare will usually stand quietly in the squatting position until bred.
If the mare responds to the stud by laying her ears back, biting, kicking, etc. ..it's a pretty safe bet to say she's not in heat and you should try again later. Since some folks don't have access to stallions, there are some other signs of estrus including:
A) Their labia tend to get fuller and looser...if you pull them apart (carefully, don't get kicked!) you will see that the vaginal lining is cherry-red, in contrast to its normal ruddy pink color. There will also be greater-than-usual amounts of lubrication present.
B) The cervix is loose and drapes down in folds when in estrus...when not, it's tight and budlike in appearance... (this one's no good unless you have access to and know how to use a vaginal speculum...ask yer vet to show you a cervix sometime... it looks like a little pink flower).
C) Some inexperienced mares will even respond to a human's advances if you can role-play well...sniff at her rump, snort, "bite" her flanks by pinching gently (or just go on ahead an' bite her!), tickle her and massage her external genitalia... maybe gently insert a finger or three...if she responds, then she's ready -if she puts up a fuss or tries to walk away then leave her be. She's obviously not interested, and further attention of that nature will probably just piss her off and make her resent future advances. However, if she seems to like what's going on you may then...
3) Proceed with Caution: Lube up and. using your fingers, tongue or any other portion of your anatomy that feels good to you both, proceed to pleasure her... move in and out of her with deep, slow strokes. I have noticed that the "hot spot" in mares is not the clitoris, but about 2-3 inches in on the bottom wall of the vagina just anterior (towards her head) to the urethral opening- they respond very favorably to massage there. It is possible to (gently!) insert your arm into her and slowly fist her, feeling how beautifully warm, soft and slippery her pussy is (my mare LOVES this). When they are ready to be bred they will usually be quite loose inside, and it's possible to reach all the way to the back wall of the vagina and her cervix. As you stimulate her she will then begin to slowly clamp down on your arm with her vagina. Move with the contractions and you will find her squeezing harder and harder as she approaches orgasm (yes, contrary to some studies I've read, mares DO experience orgasm, and how!). She will often squeeze with enough force to push your arm right back out...don't try to jam it back in or you could injure her...just continue to use your hand to massage the vestibule of the vagina as she contracts harder and harder. At this point my mare will usually begin to grunt in time to the contractions (sounds like OOOF!) until her climax is over, then she will pull away. Maregasm is usually accompanied by a stream of urine and natural lubricants, so be careful not to get soaked unless you're also into water sports. *Personal note for the morbidly curious* I usually work my mare with my hand to the point where she starts to contract, then climb on up and use my penis to finish the job...it feels great when they clamp down...they have amazing muscle control.
When they are done coming they will usually pick themselves up and move away for a bit, then be ready to go again in five minutes or so. I have whiled away many a happy hour bringing my mare to orgasm over and over...they have incredible stamina and it's fun for both of us. When you're both done, give her a pat on the neck, thank her and talk nice to her- don't just take what you want and leave... cuz if yer nice she'll remember you and be even more receptive next time.
C - Helpful Tips: Mares
1) Wear heavy boots to protect your toes.
2) Keep in close to her body...if she decides to kick you'll be harder to hit, and you can feel her tense-up before she decides to let ya have it.
3) It's a _real_ good idea to wash your hands and the mare's pubes before you go putting things into her...dirt/feces can carry bacteria that can cause her some real problems...use a mild soap like Ivory Liquid, and plenty of clean water to rinse...most mare's natural defenses can take care of the problem on their own, but there's no sense taking risks with her health if they can be avoided.
4) File your fingernails short n' smooth...a mare's vagina is very delicate, and it's easy to injure her if you're not careful. Don't put any foreign objects in her, either...no carrots or anything like that!
5) NEVER, EVER stick anything into/through her cervix - you can give her a nasty uterine infection, and if she's pregnant breaking the cervical plug means a high probability of aborting the foal, as well as complications for the mare.
6) In the Northern Hemisphere about 90% of mares will go completely out of heat between the months of Nov-Mar. This is called seasonal anestrus, and is a natural response to a decreased photoperiod. Putting them under artificial lighting can help hasten return to normal estrus cycles...there are a number of good texts on the subject.
7) Oh, yeah...If she's a big mare, you will need a bucket or stool to stand on. ..of course, you knew that ) *dodges thrown tomatoes*
Be careful not to get hurt...horses can be unpredictable.
More
DISCLAIMER: I've been having fun with equines for 14 years, and I've never been hurt badly...just bruises, ya gotta play by their rules...This Guide is not meant to be all-encompassing. The author of this article DOES NOT encourage you the reader to perform illegal activities (including trespassing) in the pursuit of your pleasure.
A - How to have more Fun with your Stallion
So-o-o-o, maybe you've thought about trying to make it with a stallion...after all, they sure look like a good time. Here's a few tips on how to make the experience more rewarding for both of you.
1) Find a stallion: preferably somewhere where no one will hear him grunting and snorting, and come to investigate...Older stallions are better; they are more sensible, and less likely to spaz out and hurt someone. Don't even bother with the ones who are half-crazy already, they only get worse when stimulated.
2) The Approach: Quietly walk up to about 10' from him and stop. Let him come to you to investigate. Move very slowly, so as not to startle him, and let him sniff you over...gently pet his neck and withers and murmur encouraging words -win his trust-. At this point it is helpful to smell like a mare in heat...it does wonders for their libido.
3) Smell like an estrus mare: Find a mare in heat, usually 5-6 days out of every 21 (I know it ain't that easy). Approach as in 2) above...pet her flanks and work your way slowly back to rub her tush, and base of her tail. Watch her ears...if she resents this contact she will flatten them back, and swish her tail...further pursuit could lead to being kicked. If the mare does not seem to object, GENTLY dip a finger into her vulva, getting her natural aroma on your hands...some mares will not cooperate and move away from the contact... remember, that is their choice. If the mare tolerates your advances, continue to massage her privates...if she really responds well (by raising her tail and squatting), you can try...oh, yeah...that's for my follow-up article soon to come "How to have more fun with your mare"
4) Restraint: yes, it's a good idea. Some studs get overly excited and react by kicking, biting and/or trying to mount you, all of which are no fun unless yer into S and M too...(although a quick nip on the rump can be fun). Take a halter and lead rope and tie him to a stout object using a slipknot...you do know how to tie a slipknot, don't you? If not, see yer local cub scouts for lessons. The reason for the slipknot is to be able to release him instantly if there's a problem.
5) The Rub: Let the stallion smell the nice, fresh mare odor on your hands- he should respond with snorts, whinnies and (hopefully) an erection. Starting with his neck, pet him gently, massaging his withers and slowly working your way back to his belly and privates. Some studs will get kinda twitchy at this point, swish their tails and kick- stay close to his body, and away from his rear to be safe...avoid being mashed into the stall walls by his body. If he starts to act up quit immediately, calm him down, and start again from the beginning of this step.
6) Clean and Jerk: Unless the horse is seeing active service his penis is probably covered with a layer of smegma, dead skin flakes, etc...it doesn't taste great, nor is terribly useful for lubricating purposes. Wash him up with clean water or -gently- rub the accumulations from his shaft. Apply lube.. K-Y works well. I've found its best to rub the shaft till he's fully-erect, then transfer your attention to the head of the penis. Maintaining a steady pressure on the sensitive glans penis, let him do the thrusting...they usually won't come unless they can thrust-meet his strokes with your own movements. Use your own shameless imagination from this point...again being careful of kicks, love-bites, etc.
B - Helpful Tips: Stallions
1) Wear steel-toed boots to protect your toes from being stomped on.
2) Most Stallions quickly learn to enjoy this stuff, and will come to bug you for more in the future. If they resent this type of contact, don't try to force it or you risk getting creamed...I've seen 'em kick a stall door clean off its hinges
3) A little lube is helpful...I usually carry a 3:2 mix of KY and water in a contact lens cleaner bottle... a little more discreet than big tubes of KY.
4) DO NOT get under him or stick yer face down there unless you absolutely know and trust him...some stallions will try to lie down on top of you (squii-i-ish!), or kick suddenly and cost you a lot of expensive dental work.
5) Wear a safety helmet- I know it sounds weird, but their hooves are like rocks and can easily crush your skull. A broken head can ruin a friendship, so its a good idea to wear a helmet (of course, if you get caught playing with him you'd look REALLY SILLY wearing a helmet but "better safe than dead" I always say).
6) Did he come? Well, when a stallion comes, the tip of his penis (the glans) swells up (flares) into a mushroom shape the size of your fist or bigger... he'll thrust a couple more times then ejaculate 3-4 ounces of semen with enough force to shoot 5 feet. His semen is whitish and runny like eggwhite... do not confuse with pre-ejaculate, which is watery and clear....he will drip copious amounts of this before he comes.
NOTE: Those of you into anal/vaginal sex...do NOT attempt to put his penis into you unless you can already accommodate something the size of a human arm and fist...you risk rupture, and peritonitis if he's too big (plus it'd be real hard to explain what happened to the emergency room staff )
ALWAYS REMEMBER: A stallion is an unpredictable animal...he may be fine one minute, then explode into 1200 pounds of biting, kicking horseflesh. He may be enjoying himself but he doesn't know his own strength and can disable or kill you without meaning to. If you aren't familiar with the proper handling of equines I strongly urge you to find someone who does to help you the first time (I know that's tough to do, but its for both of your safeties).
C - How to have more Fun with your Mare
Well, maybe you tried the stallion, and maybe you haven't. This article is for those of you who might be interested in mares, but haven't had the opportunity to make the most out of the situation...
1) Find a Mare: Easier said than done, sometimes! Locate a likely recipient to your advances and get to know her...spend lots of time scratching her withers and tickling her, share breath and build her trust with you-even the most receptive mares won't have anything to do with someone they don't feel at ease with. Get to know her on a more personal level.
2) Determine if she's in heat: Most (not all, but most) mares are totally unreceptive to sexual advances when they are not in estrus. In mares the cycle is 21 days on average...16 out, then 5-6 days in, with the mare getting progressively more "hot" till she ovulates and goes out of heat about 12 hours later. Most mares will not go out of their way to show estrus signs to humans unless already accustomed to sexing with them. The best way to get her to show signs is by exposing her to a stallion or particularly randy gelding. This is caused "teasing" the mare in the breeding business, and is when the stallion does his screaming, snorting, prancing thing to show off...just like many college freshmen. The estrus mare should respond by raising her tail, squatting and emitting a stream of urine. She will also "wink" at you...by contracting her vaginal muscles and exposing her clitoris. Wink... wink... wink... you get the idea. The clitoris in the mare looks like a half-dollar-size replica of the stallion's glans penis...it is located at the bottom of the vaginal opening. The mare will usually stand quietly in the squatting position until bred.
If the mare responds to the stud by laying her ears back, biting, kicking, etc. ..it's a pretty safe bet to say she's not in heat and you should try again later. Since some folks don't have access to stallions, there are some other signs of estrus including:
A) Their labia tend to get fuller and looser...if you pull them apart (carefully, don't get kicked!) you will see that the vaginal lining is cherry-red, in contrast to its normal ruddy pink color. There will also be greater-than-usual amounts of lubrication present.
B) The cervix is loose and drapes down in folds when in estrus...when not, it's tight and budlike in appearance... (this one's no good unless you have access to and know how to use a vaginal speculum...ask yer vet to show you a cervix sometime... it looks like a little pink flower).
C) Some inexperienced mares will even respond to a human's advances if you can role-play well...sniff at her rump, snort, "bite" her flanks by pinching gently (or just go on ahead an' bite her!), tickle her and massage her external genitalia... maybe gently insert a finger or three...if she responds, then she's ready -if she puts up a fuss or tries to walk away then leave her be. She's obviously not interested, and further attention of that nature will probably just piss her off and make her resent future advances. However, if she seems to like what's going on you may then...
3) Proceed with Caution: Lube up and. using your fingers, tongue or any other portion of your anatomy that feels good to you both, proceed to pleasure her... move in and out of her with deep, slow strokes. I have noticed that the "hot spot" in mares is not the clitoris, but about 2-3 inches in on the bottom wall of the vagina just anterior (towards her head) to the urethral opening- they respond very favorably to massage there. It is possible to (gently!) insert your arm into her and slowly fist her, feeling how beautifully warm, soft and slippery her pussy is (my mare LOVES this). When they are ready to be bred they will usually be quite loose inside, and it's possible to reach all the way to the back wall of the vagina and her cervix. As you stimulate her she will then begin to slowly clamp down on your arm with her vagina. Move with the contractions and you will find her squeezing harder and harder as she approaches orgasm (yes, contrary to some studies I've read, mares DO experience orgasm, and how!). She will often squeeze with enough force to push your arm right back out...don't try to jam it back in or you could injure her...just continue to use your hand to massage the vestibule of the vagina as she contracts harder and harder. At this point my mare will usually begin to grunt in time to the contractions (sounds like OOOF!) until her climax is over, then she will pull away. Maregasm is usually accompanied by a stream of urine and natural lubricants, so be careful not to get soaked unless you're also into water sports. *Personal note for the morbidly curious* I usually work my mare with my hand to the point where she starts to contract, then climb on up and use my penis to finish the job...it feels great when they clamp down...they have amazing muscle control.
When they are done coming they will usually pick themselves up and move away for a bit, then be ready to go again in five minutes or so. I have whiled away many a happy hour bringing my mare to orgasm over and over...they have incredible stamina and it's fun for both of us. When you're both done, give her a pat on the neck, thank her and talk nice to her- don't just take what you want and leave... cuz if yer nice she'll remember you and be even more receptive next time.
C - Helpful Tips: Mares
1) Wear heavy boots to protect your toes.
2) Keep in close to her body...if she decides to kick you'll be harder to hit, and you can feel her tense-up before she decides to let ya have it.
3) It's a _real_ good idea to wash your hands and the mare's pubes before you go putting things into her...dirt/feces can carry bacteria that can cause her some real problems...use a mild soap like Ivory Liquid, and plenty of clean water to rinse...most mare's natural defenses can take care of the problem on their own, but there's no sense taking risks with her health if they can be avoided.
4) File your fingernails short n' smooth...a mare's vagina is very delicate, and it's easy to injure her if you're not careful. Don't put any foreign objects in her, either...no carrots or anything like that!
5) NEVER, EVER stick anything into/through her cervix - you can give her a nasty uterine infection, and if she's pregnant breaking the cervical plug means a high probability of aborting the foal, as well as complications for the mare.
6) In the Northern Hemisphere about 90% of mares will go completely out of heat between the months of Nov-Mar. This is called seasonal anestrus, and is a natural response to a decreased photoperiod. Putting them under artificial lighting can help hasten return to normal estrus cycles...there are a number of good texts on the subject.
7) Oh, yeah...If she's a big mare, you will need a bucket or stool to stand on. ..of course, you knew that ) *dodges thrown tomatoes*
Be careful not to get hurt...horses can be unpredictable.
More
