What Happened to His Fear of Flying?

[CrushedRoseGoesSplat!]

For someone who's supposed to be so afraid to fly, Morrissey does take a lot of trips doesn't he? I don't imagine he swims to Los Angeles, yet with each year that passes he takes more and more trips there. Is Morrissey relaxing as he gets older, or is it the comfort of first class that's providing a false sense of security? Or maybe it's quick sex in a bathroom with a flight attendant that helps to keep his mind off the turbulence...more likely he just goes to the bathroom to play with the blue water...

[Paula]

> For someone who's supposed to be so afraid to fly, Morrissey¿ does take a lot of trips doesn't he?

Yeah I know I thought that too! He's such a faker. Maybe he is only afraid of flying when he has to tour - heheee!

Or maybe he really is just trying to get another hole punch in his mile high club card.

[Mani]

> Yeah I know I thought that too! He's such a faker. Maybe he is¿ only afraid of flying when he has to tour - heheee!

I could be just aniher convienient thing for him to put on his resume of restraints--vegetarian, celiate, fear of flying...get it?¿ Or maybe he really is just trying to get another hole punch in¿ his mile high club card.

The wouldn't give him one--they saw his signature, and laughed him out of the airport. Imagine, a man that can't write cursive.

[Sam Shuster]

He can't be a @#!!! all his life.

[Fabricio]

> I could be just aniher convienient thing for him to put on his¿ resume of restraints--vegetarian, celiate, fear of flying...get¿ it?

no doubt about it... and everything false, hehe...¿ The wouldn't give him one--they saw his signature, and laughed¿ him out of the airport. Imagine, a man that can't write cursive.

[crushed roses]

> He can't be a @#!!! all his life.

Nice Smoking Popes reference!

[boyleastlikelytoo(kakarot)]

whats that supose to mean? I can't write in cursive!

[Mr. So&So]

For someone who's supposed to be so afraid to have sex, Morrissey
does take a lot of sex trips doesn't he? I don't imagine he has sex all the way to Los Angeles, yet with each year that passes he takes more and more sex trips there. Is Morrissey having sex as he gets older, or is it the comfort of first class sex that's providing a false sense of security? Or maybe it's quick sex in a bathroom with a flight attendant that helps to keep his mind off the turbulence...more
likely he just goes to the bathroom to play with the blue water or create dramatic scenes with his tinky-winky hand puppet.

[Mr. So&So]

> Yeah I know I thought that too! He's such a faker. Maybe he is¿ only afraid of flying when he has to tour - heheee!

There you go again shooting your mouth off without doing the proper research.

Were you aware that the ol' Mozzer was a flight attendant before he hit it big as a con artist?

There never was a fear of flying.

Those rumors about him bursting into tears in airports were all concocted stories perpetrated by Jerry Falwell to convince the American public that all gay British pop icons are sissies.

So next time you get some dim idea about cracking a few jokes for your own viewing pleasure, make doubly sure that you don't know what you are talking about.

Speak before you think!

Okay sweetheart?

Can I ask you something?

Are you even a Morrissey fan?

Do you even know anything about the man himself, or what motivates him to not do certain things?

You speak in absolutes like you know these things for certain, and I have found that you are usually wrong.¿ Or maybe he really is just trying to get another hole punch in¿ his mile high club card.

Mile high club?

Is this another one of your heterosexual inside jokes?

Do this club honestly punch holes in a card for certain achievements?

Sounds juvenile if you ask me.

I'm not surprised though.

You probably are a member (if not the creater) of this "elite" group, and are shamelessly trying to drum up interest for it.

So miss "Woman Of The Skies" tell us about this club you seemed to be so obsessed with.

Is there a website for it?

I'm sure you have wasted your time creating one.

I await a link to see what the big secret is.

Now get away from me!

Signed,
Fervil Linkman

P.S. Nevermind.

[sam shuster]

> Nice Smoking Popes reference!

Nice spot! Even with the censored p-word no less.

[Lifeguard Reminiscing]

Hahahahhhaahhhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jamie]

Back in the airplane,

Into the bathroom,

Steward or stewardESS?

Just think of the good will!

Holding myself back from making cracks about Morrissey and unisex bathrooms...

Cheers,

Jamie

[crushed roses]

> For someone who's supposed to be so afraid to have sex,¿ Morrissey¿ does take a lot of sex trips doesn't he? I don't imagine he has¿ sex all the way to Los Angeles, yet with each year that passes¿ he takes more and more sex trips there. Is Morrissey having sex¿ as he gets older, or is it the comfort of first class sex that's¿ providing a false sense of security? Or maybe it's quick sex in¿ a bathroom with a flight attendant that helps to keep his mind¿ off the turbulence...more¿ likely he just goes to the bathroom to play with the blue water¿ or create dramatic scenes with his tinky-winky hand puppet.

Original.

[Paula]

Fervil, my love.¿ There you go again shooting your mouth off without doing the¿ proper research.

I do these things just because I know you will scold me. It works like a charm you fall for it everytime.¿ Were you aware that the ol' Mozzer was a flight attendant before¿ he hit it big as a con artist?

Really Fervil? Tell me more. Tell me some more Mozzer stories :)¿ Those rumors about him bursting into tears in airports were all¿ concocted stories perpetrated by Jerry Falwell to convince the¿ American public that all gay British pop icons are sissies.

=:O¿ So next time you get some dim idea about cracking a few jokes¿ for your own viewing pleasure, make doubly sure that you don't¿ know what you are talking about.

Yes sir!¿ Speak before you think!

I will sir!¿ Okay sweetheart?

Yes *grinning shyly*¿ Can I ask you something?¿ Are you even a Morrissey fan?

Is he the guy who sings with The Smiths? He's okay I really only come here to see you Fervil :)¿ Do you even know anything about the man himself, or what¿ motivates him to not do certain things?

Umm I don't know? Yes?¿ You speak in absolutes like you know these things for certain,¿ and I have found that you are usually wrong.

I know and I am ashamed of myself! :)¿ So miss "Woman Of The Skies" tell us about this club¿ you seemed to be so obsessed with.¿ Is there a website for it?¿ I'm sure you have wasted your time creating one.¿ I await a link to see what the big secret is.¿ Now get away from me!

Say it again! Come on say it like you really mean it!!

Come on Fervil let's see it grrrrrrrrrr

[Mani]

> whats that supose to mean? I can't write in cursive!

You should try to learn if you're gonna be a rock star. It makes the autographs more convincing. I can autograph CDs for Moz if he wanted me to. His handwriting is substandard.

[boyleastlikelytoo(kakarot)]

> You should try to learn if you're gonna be a rock star. It makes¿ the autographs more convincing. I can autograph CDs for Moz if¿ he wanted me to. His handwriting is substandard.

hmm...well if you say so

[interesting drug]

Extasy supposely causes brain damage you know. I think I've heard Dr. Drew say a zillion times that it's a methamphetamine chemically altered to have hallucinogenic properties.

[Fabricio]

> For someone who's supposed to be so afraid to have sex,¿ Morrissey¿ does take a lot of sex trips doesn't he? I don't imagine he has¿ sex all the way to Los Angeles, yet with each year that passes¿ he takes more and more sex trips there. Is Morrissey having sex¿ as he gets older, or is it the comfort of first class sex that's¿ providing a false sense of security? Or maybe it's quick sex in¿ a bathroom with a flight attendant that helps to keep his mind¿ off the turbulence...more

sex, sex, sex, you think all the time about sex, mr so&so... anyway, quick sex in a bathroom with a flight attendant... i'm imagining it... wow... i won't sleep tonight... mmmmmmm...

[Mr. So&So]

Well, Fabricio, I could talk about my passion for sticker collecting, but that wouldn't be much fun now would it?

By the way, did I tell you that I am the proud owner of a rare, limited edition sticker album, commemorating the 3000 anniversary of the "Kama Sutra?"

You see?

Now you got me talking about my Goddamn sticker collection!

-So&So

[Fabricio]

frankly mr. so&so, i want you to talk more about quick sex in a bathroom with a flight attendant...

the girl below is not a flight attendant... but she flies a lot! what do you think about?




http://members.tripod.com/~corvinus9/jpgopt/terdivina2.jpg

[Mr. So&So]

> Fervil, my love.

Please don't call me that.

It makes me sound all purposeful and arrogant.¿ I do these things just because I know you will scold me. It¿ works like a charm you fall for it everytime.

I wasn't scolding you.

You don't take compliments very well, do you?¿ Really Fervil? Tell me more. Tell me some more Mozzer stories :)

Well, there is this one story I know about him, where he was
caught on video purchasing cosmetics from a well known
department store.

But I don't think I should go into that.¿ Yes sir!

There will be a little reward for your loyalty as well.¿ I will sir!

And make sure he suffers a bit also.

You will be paid only when I see an eyeball.¿ Yes *grinning shyly*

No *smirking confidently*¿ Is he the guy who sings with The Smiths? He's okay I really only¿ come here to see you Fervil :)

No, you're thinking of the guy who used to sing for the "Misfits."

I'm talking about the guy who used to sing for "Culture Club."

Also, do you really come here for me?

I always thought you came here for yourself.¿ Umm I don't know? Yes?

WRONG!

"Uh huh" was the correct answer.¿ I know and I am ashamed of myself! :)

Paula, honey, there is no need to feel ashamed about such a trivial matter, when you have so many other things in your life that you could dwell on and be ashamed of.

I personally think you should be more concerned about ridding yourself of that nasty blood sucking habit, instead worrying about such an insignificant matter as the one mentioned before.¿ Say it again! Come on say it like you really mean it!!

Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Here goes!

*Warming up*

Man, you really asked for it this time.

*Attempting*

Yep, you really stuck your foot in your mouth now.

*Waiting*

Boy, are you gonna get it!

*Concerned*

Uh huh, you're going to wish you never said that.

*Paula enquires as to what is taking so long*

Should be any second now.

I can feel it coming.

Um....

Wait.

I can't do it!

Nothing's happening!

Christ!

This has never happened before!

It must be because I am nervous.

Hold on....

Let me try again.

Damn!

Nothing!

I swear I have never had this problem before!

*Paula grabs her sweater and leaves, feeling her time here has been
wasted*¿ Come on Fervil let's see it grrrrrrrrrr

I just showed it to you.

Funny, wasn't it?

Oh shut up!

Signed,
Used

[Mr. So&So]

> frankly mr. so&so, i want you to talk more about quick sex in a¿ bathroom with a flight attendant...

Sorry Fabricio, that was Crushed Roses' idea.

But if she is willing to shamelessly pawn off the copyright to me, I might be able to accomodate your interest.¿ the girl below is not a flight attendant... but she flies a lot!¿ what do you think about?

So, is that the girl that is carrying Micky Jagger's love child?

You know, the one who was dancing insanely on a float in the recent "Carnival" parade.

Obrigado!

-So&So

[Paula]

> Well, Fabricio, I could talk about my passion for sticker¿ collecting, but that wouldn't be much fun now would it?

Much more fun would be if you mentioned your rubber band collection.

[Paula]

> Please don't call me that.¿ It makes me sound all purposeful and arrogant.

ok Tinky Winky whatever you say.¿ I wasn't scolding you.¿ You don't take compliments very well, do you?

Of course I do! Precisely why I couldn't wipe that stupid smile off my face!¿ Well, there is this one story I know about him, where he was¿ caught on video purchasing cosmetics from a well known¿ department store. But I don't think I should go into that.

Yes *Yawn* please don't.¿ Also, do you really come here for me?

Yes of course I do! everything I do I do it for you... I'd lie for you walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you Ya know it's true everything I do - I do it for you la la laa I need somebody somebody like you everybody needs somebody I need somebody Hey what about you! everybody needs somebody la laa laaaa ahem sorry lost my train of thought..¿ I always thought you came here for yourself.

Why the hell would I do that?¿ Paula, honey, there is no need to feel ashamed about such a¿ trivial matter, when you have so many other things in your life¿ that you could dwell on and be ashamed of.

That's so true! Thank you I will never feel ashamed of that again =)¿ I personally think you should be more concerned about ridding¿ yourself of that nasty blood sucking habit, instead worrying¿ about such an insignificant matter as the one mentioned before.

But I thought my blood sucking habit was one of the things that endeared me to you?¿ Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you.¿ Here goes!¿ *Warming up*¿ Man, you really asked for it this time.

*rolling eyes*¿ *Attempting*¿ Yep, you really stuck your foot in your mouth now.¿ *Waiting*¿ Boy, are you gonna get it!¿ *Concerned*¿ Uh huh, you're going to wish you never said that.¿ *Paula enquires as to what is taking so long*¿ Should be any second now.¿ I can feel it coming.¿ Um....¿ Wait.¿ I can't do it!¿ Nothing's happening!¿ Christ!

*Yawn*¿ This has never happened before!¿ It must be because I am nervous.¿ Hold on....¿ Let me try again.¿ Damn!¿ Nothing!¿ I swear I have never had this problem before!¿ *Paula grabs her sweater and leaves, feeling her time here has¿ been wasted* I just showed it to you. Funny, wasn't it?

What?

Hey do you like Bryan Adams?

[Mr. So&So]

> ok Tinky Winky whatever you say.

Don't call me "Tinky Winky" either, it makes me sound like a children's television character.¿ Of course I do! Precisely why I couldn't wipe that stupid smile¿ off my face!

You weren't just smiling about that now were you?

Come on, you're not that easy, I assume.¿ Yes *Yawn* please don't.

Why not, it's a really funny story.

You know, you can be down right rude sometimes!¿ Yes of course I do! everything I do I do it for you... I'd lie¿ for you walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you Ya know it's¿ true everything I do - I do it for you la la laa I need somebody¿ somebody like you everybody needs somebody I need somebody Hey¿ what about you! everybody needs somebody la laa laaaa ahem sorry¿ lost my train of thought..

*I sing in a broken tone*

"Cuts like a knife, because it feels so right!"¿ Why the hell would I do that?

I have no idea why you would "do" "that."

Seems like pretty mundane sex if you ask me.

And careless too.

You just don't go around doing "this" or "that."

Well, I take that back.

"This" is known to be fairly safe.

But doing "that" is asking for trouble.

Do you have medical insuarnce?

Well then go ahead and do it then.

I mean "that."

Do "that!"

Not "it."

Oh hell, you know what I mean!¿ That's so true! Thank you I will never feel ashamed of that¿ again =)

No I was just kidding.

You should really feel awful about it.

I mean come on Paula...

Most people would have already killed themselves over such a thing.¿ But I thought my blood sucking habit was one of the things that¿ endeared me to you?

Yeah, until you asked me for a picture of my neck.

And to think that I honestly believed you had an innocent fetish for necks.

"How often do you shave?"

Now it all makes sense.

You just don't know when to lay off, do you?¿ *rolling eyes*

*Closing my eyes and dreaming about world power*¿ *Yawn*

*Lick*¿ What?

Exactly!¿ Hey do you like Bryan Adams?

*Coy smile*

Who wants to know?

You tell Bryan that if he wants to go out with me, then he should be transvestite enough to ask me himself.

I don't play games Paula!

And you can misquote me on that!

-So&So

[Mr. So&So]

> Much more fun would be if you mentioned your rubber band¿ collection.

I have never collected rubber bands in my life.

She is lying!

Better yet, why don't you tell him about your strange passion for tracking down archive footage from "The Incredible Hulk" television series?

Come on let's hear it!

-So&So

P.S. I have included an image and excerpt from an e-mail she sent me
yesterday.

Copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure.¿¿¿¿Hey, So&So, I was wondering, do you have any interest in the "Incredible Hulk?"¿The reason that I ask this is because I was surfing some Hulk sites today and came across an "Incredible Hulk" discussion forum that I tracked down via the "Green Brigade" web ring.¿Well, I was lurking there for a while and some of the people who posted on it seemed to be some very cool and level headed people.¿They reall came across as sensitive and literate.¿Much more so than those goofs that hang out at Moz-Solo.¿Anyway, I just thought you might be interested in hearing about it, seeing that he was a tortured soul and all.¿I mean haven't you ever felt "green" before and like a misfit?
Or like you were exposed to gamma radiation and everyone treated you differently because of it?¿Also, I wanted to let you know why I am so happy today!¿I have just obtained four lost episodes from the first season!¿I can't believe I was able to finally track them down!¿I have been to countless conventions, and have searched desperately >for these particular episodes, to no avail.¿Anyway, I know I am rambling, but I just wanted to know if you had >any interested in the "Green Machine" himself?¿I have included a picture from one of those episodes that I found on >"The Hulk Head Union" web site.¿I will turn you into a "Hulk Head" So&So if it's the last thing I do!¿Heehee! :)¿Love,¿Paula

I would love to hear you explain this one!




http://www.bryanshulkpage.com/Pictures/Htmlpictures/greenskin.html

[Fabricio]

> Sorry Fabricio, that was Crushed Roses' idea.¿ But if she is willing to shamelessly pawn off the copyright to¿ me, I might be able to accomodate your interest.

oh please... do it to me!¿ So, is that the girl that is carrying Micky Jagger's love child?

oh no... this girl is soooo.... sooo.... artistic... oh please don't talk about having sex with her in a bathroom plane... oh nooo oh nooo

oh yesssss¿ You know, the one who was dancing insanely on a float in the¿ recent "Carnival" parade.

this girl is called luciana gimenez. but the real sensation of our carnival was "tiazinha"... i can find some images of her if you want...¿ Obrigado!

de nada! não há o que agradecer!¿ -So&So

[Paula]

> Don't call me "Tinky Winky" either, it makes me sound¿ like a children's television character.

If you don't want to be called Tinky Winky then why do you sign all your letters Tinky Winky, flambouantly homosexual tele-tubby?¿ I have no idea why you would "do" "that."

Listen I don't "do" "that" I do "this" Get it straight please.¿ Seems like pretty mundane sex if you ask me.

I know nothing about mundane sex. You however seem well acquainted with it - Ba ha haaaa!!!!!¿ You just don't go around doing "this" or¿ "that."

Back to "this" again you are so thick! ok one more time for Mr. Thickhead- I don't go around doing "this" or "that" I do "this" but never "that" and certainly not with "it"¿ "This" is known to be fairly safe.

Yes and that is why I do "this" not "that"¿ But doing "that" is asking for trouble.

I have never done "that" Why should I do "that" when I can do "this"?¿ Do you have medical insuarnce?

Of course not.¿ Well then go ahead and do it then.¿ I mean "that."¿ Do "that!"¿ Not "it."

No not "that"! "this"! I want nothing to do with "that" or "it"¿ You should really feel awful about it.

Why should I feel awful about "it" I won't even deal with "it" only with "this". I also won't deal with "that" except when I need to describe "this" which is only when "that" comes up.¿ And to think that I honestly believed you had an innocent fetish¿ for necks. "How often do you shave?"

I meant your legs dummy! And you know why!¿ Now it all makes sense.¿ You just don't know when to lay off, do you?¿ *Closing my eyes and dreaming about world power*

Why dream about world power when you can sit back and watch with a big bag of popcorn and a tall glass of apple juice instead?¿ You tell Bryan that if he wants to go out with me, then he¿ should be transvestite enough to ask me himself.¿ I don't play games Paula!¿ And you can misquote me on that!

Oh my God! >:O They lost the Gary puppet on Howard Stern!!!! I have to go!!!!

[Mr. So&So]

> If you don't want to be called Tinky Winky then why do you sign¿ all your letters Tinky Winky, flambouantly homosexual¿ tele-tubby?

I don't have to answer that!¿ Listen I don't "do" "that" I do¿ "this" Get it straight please.

That's good!

I said that "this" was okay.

It's "that" that you have to watch out for.

You're preaching to the converted sweetheart.¿ I know nothing about mundane sex. You however seem well¿ acquainted with it - Ba ha haaaa!!!!!

You're a butthole, you know that?

Why do you even have to bring that up?¿ Back to "this" again you are so thick! ok one more¿ time for Mr. Thickhead-

"Thickhead?"

What's that supposed to mean.

Talk about inside jokes!

I don't go around doing "this"¿ or "that" I do "this" but never¿ "that" and certainly not with "it"

Like I said, "This" is perfectly all right.

I mean, honestly, "This" is like, the one I would reccomend.

I was just saying that "That" is known to carry communicable diseases.

I was just unsure about your sexual habits regarding "This" and "That."

Now I know.

As for "It" I just got off the phone with my physician, after having had a wild night out with "It" and he said that we shouldn't worry about sexual conatct with "It".

"It" has proven to be perfectly safe, and some doctors even recommend that if you have sex, have it with "It."¿ Yes and that is why I do "this" not "that"

Okay! Okay!

I understand.

Christ!

But like I just stated above, "It" is the only one known to be truly 100% safe.

Now that's not to say that sex with "This" is risky, but research is still being done on how likely it is to be infected by "This."¿ I have never done "that" Why should I do¿ "that" when I can do "this"?

Goddamnit!

Are you not listening?!

You're being the "Thickhead!"

I said I understand that you are only fooling around with "This."

Look Paula, I care about you and I don't want yo get mixed up with "That."

I'm not your father, but I know alot of "Thats" and they can be extremely abusive and uncaring creatures; not to mention they are often littered with a array of vinerial diseases.¿ Of course not.

Oh, so now you are going to tell me you have fooled around with "not."

Paula, do you use "protection?"

That brings up another point.

Why do you cow-tow to "This" "It" "Not" and "That," but you treat "Protection" so shabbily?

I mean, what's the use in using and abusing "Protection" when @#!!!s like the ones mentioned before are the ones who deserve a good teasing.

Are you listening to anything I am telling you?¿ No not "that"! "this"! I want nothing to do¿ with "that" or "it"

But you feel it proper to use "Protection" and then leave when "That" "It" "This" or "Not" comes along.

I'll never understand you!¿ Why should I feel awful about "it" I won't even deal¿ with "it" only with "this". I also won't¿ deal with "that" except when I need to describe¿ "this" which is only when "that" comes up.

Why do you feel it necessary to gossip about "This" and "That?"

I never pegged you as a back stabber, or one to kiss and tell.

God knows what you have said about "Not" or that poor soul "Protection" behind their back.

And even me a "So&So."

I do wonder.¿ I meant your legs dummy! And you know why!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!¿ Why dream about world power when you can sit back and watch with¿ a big bag of popcorn and a tall glass of apple juice instead?

Good point, but still, it's nice to dream, and it's even better when you sleep.¿ Oh my God! >:O They lost the Gary puppet on Howard Stern!!!!¿ I have to go!!!!

Oh @#!!!e!

John is really gonna get it now!

Sincerely,
Milton Guffner

[Mike Mozfan]

> I don't have to answer that!¿ That's good!¿ I said that "this" was okay.¿ It's "that" that you have to watch out for.¿ You're preaching to the converted sweetheart.¿ You're a butthole, you know that?¿ Why do you even have to bring that up?¿ "Thickhead?"¿ What's that supposed to mean.¿ Talk about inside jokes!¿ I don't go around doing "this"¿ Like I said, "This" is perfectly all right.¿ I mean, honestly, "This" is like, the one I would¿ reccomend.¿ I was just saying that "That" is known to carry¿ communicable diseases.¿ I was just unsure about your sexual habits regarding¿ "This" and "That."¿ Now I know.¿ As for "It" I just got off the phone with my¿ physician, after having had a wild night out with "It"¿ and he said that we shouldn't worry about sexual conatct with¿ "It".¿ "It" has proven to be perfectly safe, and some doctors¿ even recommend that if you have sex, have it with¿ "It."¿ Okay! Okay!¿ I understand.¿ Christ!¿ But like I just stated above, "It" is the only one¿ known to be truly 100% safe.¿ Now that's not to say that sex with "This" is risky,¿ but research is still being done on how likely it is to be¿ infected by "This."¿ Goddamnit!¿ Are you not listening?!¿ You're being the "Thickhead!"¿ I said I understand that you are only fooling around with¿ "This."¿ Look Paula, I care about you and I don't want yo get mixed up¿ with "That."¿ I'm not your father, but I know alot of "Thats" and¿ they can be extremely abusive and uncaring creatures; not to¿ mention they are often littered with a array of vinerial¿ diseases.¿ Oh, so now you are going to tell me you have fooled around with¿ "not."¿ Paula, do you use "protection?"¿ That brings up another point.¿ Why do you cow-tow to "This" "It"¿ "Not" and "That," but you treat¿ "Protection" so shabbily?¿ I mean, what's the use in using and abusing¿ "Protection" when @#!!! s like the ones mentioned¿ before are the ones who deserve a good teasing.¿ Are you listening to anything I am telling you?¿ But you feel it proper to use "Protection" and then¿ leave when "That" "It" "This" or¿ "Not" comes along.¿ I'll never understand you!¿ Why do you feel it necessary to gossip about "This"¿ and "That?"¿ I never pegged you as a back stabber, or one to kiss and tell.¿ God knows what you have said about "Not" or that poor¿ soul "Protection" behind their back.¿ And even me a "So&So."¿ I do wonder.¿ Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!¿ Good point, but still, it's nice to dream, and it's even better¿ when you sleep.¿ Oh @#!!! e!¿ John is really gonna get it now!¿ Sincerely,¿ Milton Guffner

Yours Truly,
Mister Typical

[Paula]

> I don't have to answer that!

Wimpy Wimpy!!¿ That's good!¿ I said that "this" was okay.

Umm try again!¿ It's "that" that you have to watch out for.¿ You're preaching to the converted sweetheart.

Of course. Why would I preach to the unconverted? I enjoy the cheers, smiling faces, and unrestrained adulation I receive from the converted. See how that works Thickie?¿ You're a butthole, you know that?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me :P

*So pauses and takes out a pad and writes that down - I pretend I don't see this*¿ Why do you even have to bring that up?

To make you squirm of course.¿ "Thickhead?"¿ What's that supposed to mean.

ok it's like this. People with thin (yet sturdy) semi solid and absorbent heads (such as myself) let the thoughts flow in and out freely. People with thickheads (such as yourself) things just kinda bounce off of and fall to the ground where people such as myself pick them up absorb them and then go around and make fun of the thickheads.¿ I don't go around doing "this"¿ Like I said, "This" is perfectly all right.

Try again Thickie!¿ I mean, honestly, "This" is like, the one I would¿ reccomend.

*Said slowly* And why is that?¿ I was just saying that "That" is known to carry¿ communicable diseases.

"That" is ok because I only deal with "this"¿ I was just unsure about your sexual habits regarding¿ "This" and "That."

I wonder why that is.¿ Now I know.

Are you sure?¿ As for "It" I just got off the phone with my¿ physician, after having had a wild night out with "It"¿ and he said that we shouldn't worry about sexual conatct with¿ "It".

What is the name of the doctor you spoke to?¿ "It" has proven to be perfectly safe, and some doctors¿ even recommend that if you have sex, have it with¿ "It."

I am so glad that you have a doctor that you can trust. *laughing behind So's back*¿ But like I just stated above, "It" is the only one¿ known to be truly 100% safe.¿ Now that's not to say that sex with "This" is risky,¿ but research is still being done on how likely it is to be¿ infected by "This."

Do you mean "it" ? Because "This" being infected with "this" negates itself. Do you understand that? See "this" is immume to "this"¿ Goddamnit!¿ Are you not listening?!

Yes darling of course I am. *sitting back watching Thickie getting frustrated with himself*¿ You're being the "Thickhead!"

Oh yes of course I am. Please teach me how not to be a thickhead - *HEEHEE*¿ I said I understand that you are only fooling around with¿ "This."

Umm well that is not exactly true but what is your point?¿ Look Paula, I care about you and I don't want yo get mixed up¿ with "That."

You have no worries dear, at least about me...¿ I'm not your father, but I know alot of "Thats" and¿ they can be extremely abusive and uncaring creatures; not to¿ mention they are often littered with a array of vinerial¿ diseases.

"vinerial" diseases?? I am not acquainted with them why don't you tell me about them? What are they like? What is it like to have one?¿ That brings up another point.¿ Why do you cow-tow to "This" "It"¿ "Not" and "That," but you treat¿ "Protection" so shabbily?

*rolling eyes and desperately looking around to see if someone can get me out of this conversation*¿ I'll never understand you!

Umm yes yes I know. May I be excused now please?