The concept of marriage is a bore

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

For serious

only one person, for the rest of your life? with so many potential soulmates in the world?

It's absurd

and I'll be happy to argue with anybody who wants to say otherwise!

[the raytownian]

It seems to me that it's not easy for childhood abuse casualties to find trust in enough people to believe they could ever love/trust more than one individual, if anyone at all.

Some folks value monogamy for just that reason, healthy/normal [EDIT: not to mention interesting] or not.

Most people are betrayers and assholes. The idea of "soulmates", particularly in plural is hard to believe in considering how many betrayals I've experienced and how many fake friends I've known. I don't like sex as much as I like cuddling... Most people only want sex... Few of them want to cuddle. Even fewer want sex with me.

I like having close friends... I don't feel comfortable being physically intimate with them because I don't think I am capable of that trust I require in spite of it all.

Sex is, by that virtue, not fun for me. It makes relationships nearly impossible. I can't trust anyone enough to be physically intimate. and I was betrayed by the one person I trusted in such a way in the end... not that I wanted sex, it was just that I developed such an intense degree of love and trust in this person that it didn't make me afraid of it... apparently they couldn't handle that I loved them though because I'm fat and don't have a vagina or whatever. They are seemingly too immature/undeveloped to accept that kind of innocent love... and too cowardly to be forthright about it.

Just my 2 cents though. I've never claimed to be normal. :)

[CrystalGeezer]

To each their own. I guess I'm old fashioned, I want to share my intimacy with only one person.

[CrystalGeezer]

There's nothing wrong with that, but what does it have to do with getting married?

Ummmm. Symbolic? The ring says to the world I am with him in all things? I dunno. It's hard to say. You know how you feel good to have a library card in your wallet that says "You can check any book out of this building?" Being married is like that. It's like a library card to another person that says I can express any emotion, pain, joy, love, frustration, and it's safe to do so because you have a union signified by a ring. It's hard to explain.

[CrystalGeezer]

No, I get it, I just disagree. Symbols have a limited value, and with marriage, now, in the 21st century, the symbol is all. The ring is all. I despise the pomp, I despise the gaudiness, I despise the ritual. I despise the plans and the cooing and the ooh-ing and aw-ing.

Courts are good enough for ending it, they should be good enough for starting it.

I agree on that. Having helped with many a "big day" I'm over weddings. But not over marriage. It's nice to say to the world "He's home to me." A simple gold band does that. I was LIVID about that Kardadian joke of a marriage, a complete waste of a sacred union. They didn't even try, no respect for the sanctity of union. Bleh.


You guys would die if you knew where I was having this boring conversation about weddings. :p in Amoeba with friends record shopping, but I have no money so it's easier to zone out online than drool over all the music. :D

[DAVIE]

Well, I wish Russell Brand and Katy Perry for a happy....whooops! :D
I guess Mr Morrissey was right when it boiled down to them two!

I think I'll get married....if I don't marry Missus Davie then obviously I have the choice of having my balls ripped off and fed to the dog, or.....having my eyeballs thrown out and fed to the dog :D
No, I like tradition sometimes and I think it's quite nice to have a gathering over the love between two people. It's quite a special occasion and even if it doesn't last. At least they have good memories.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

Raytownian and Skylarker getting fucking REAL in this thread; I love it

marriage doesn't say anything to me, except there are a lot of people out there who are terrified of being alone and unstable. I don't believe you can find the *one* person in this world who tops out over everyone else as far as what it is you desire most in a person. You could be living next door to the man or woman of your dreams and never know it because you're settling for Mr. or Mrs. Right-in-front-of-you

[WhalleyRange]

Can't think of anything worse than being stuck with someone you no longer like or fancy

[DAVIE]

At the end of the day you wouldn't marry them if you thought you wouldn't last together for the lifetime....so there you go

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

sure you would, people do it all the time.

Look at these wads getting hitched at the age of 19

like, how do you now you've found the person of your dreams at 19?

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

my favourite is when people get married and then divorced and move on like the relationship never happened.

It's like "I thought I loved you but I guess I didn't so now I think I'm going to go try to love somebody else"

they should make a universal harmonic law where if you commit to a marriage, that's the only person you're allowed to have for the rest of your days. There's no "other" or moving on if you break up the union you chose to enter into

then we'll see how many people are sure they've found the one they want for the rest of time.

[prisoner77]

Personally once is enough.

[the raytownian]

Raytownian and Skylarker getting fucking REAL in this thread; I love it

marriage doesn't say anything to me, except there are a lot of people out there who are terrified of being alone and unstable. I don't believe you can find the *one* person in this world who tops out over everyone else as far as what it is you desire most in a person. You could be living next door to the man or woman of your dreams and never know it because you're settling for Mr. or Mrs. Right-in-front-of-you

FWIW, I was going off on my own tangents... "The ring 'duh-en't' mean a thing", as certain retarded housewives might say. BUT, I am too weird to want anything but a boring monogamous relationship... I want to escape intimacy from everyone, sexual or not.... Even from my own family. The idea of finding even one individual I can not feel squemish with (ever) is like my personal holy grail, you know?

I don't give a fuck 'bout no murriage though.

So far my mother's been the woman of my dreams........ ew.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

maybe you're just looking for a woman who reminds you of your mother.

I think most guys do that whether they're aware of it or not

[CrystalGeezer]

Omg lol. :D

[CrystalGeezer]

Well, I wish Russell Brand and Katy Perry for a happy....whooops! :D
I guess Mr Morrissey was right when it boiled down to them two!


See? He's a prophet, I tell you! And nobody believes me, he can see into the future! :D :rofl:

[Black Cloud]

I love the idea of marriage, at least I think I do, but I have a phobia of weddings. Funerals? No problem. Baptisms? Fine, happy to go. This is a huge problem when I have business at the courthouse, because people get married there EVERY DAY.

[CrystalGeezer]

The idea of finding even one individual I can not feel squemish with (ever) is like my personal holy grail, you know?



I'm kind of with Home Skillet on this. If you marry the right person, you form a bond of intimacy with them where you can just be yourself and know they aren;t going to judge you, or you find someone in a similar boat as you with regards to self esteem or being socially awkward and they'll empathize with the details of your needs. You're feeling vulnerable or ugly and they'll pick up on that and make you feel loved becasue THEY have felt vulnerable or ugly. Those kind of bonds you can't really find hopping from fuck buddy to fuck buddy.

I guess "being married" doesn't necessarily factor into what I'm talking about, you can be a live-in couple and reap the rewards of all that without a piece of paper saying you are official.

I'm a big proponent of legalizing gay marriage, it's kind of a big deal for me. Spirits fall in love, not the package they reside in.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

I used to dislike Russell Brand and then really disliked him when he married that tart Katy Perry but now that he's casting her to the side I guess he's alright

[CrystalGeezer]

Lovely. :straightface:

I'm taking David's cue and not picking up this trash. :p

[prisoner77]

I want the one, but it's not going to happen so get it when you can

[prisoner77]

I am here and married so it sums up . Q "lei's have a dance
A " F off
Sandie shaws on Jools A -I'm off to bed

[stephsteph]

...will never marry.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

She's an idiot, yeah, but she's pretty fucking hot. I could put up with stupid for a little while if it came with boobs like hers.

come to think of it, they are pretty luscious.

Her whole body is, actually

and isn't Brand supposed to be a die-hard Morrissey fan or something?

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

FFS dude, it was a passing observation

try not to read too much into it.

[Log Lady]

I was married once. My husband died... in a fire. Fire is the devil, hiding like a coward in the smoke. Now, all I have is my log. Do you understand?

[Dick Tremayne]

The closest I've come to marriage is losing the number of a preggers.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll75fpiqWq1qa1lp4o1_500.jpg

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

Gonna stop now with the Twin Peaks moding so I don't get the shaft like Log lady and Dick tremayne

[DAVIE]

I know 17 year olds that have got married and stayed with each other, they're my uncle and auntie! So I think it's a bit too easy to judge a couple if they get married young. If it's love, then so be it

[MindlessRuffian]

I love my boyfriend enough to dedicate myself to him for the rest of my life. I think it's beautiful to have just one mate, with whom you share everything forever.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

Twin Peaks had nothing to do with those usernames getting banned.

I know this, bro

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

I'm an admitted Twin Peaks fanatic, so I'll confess their banning made my heart sink a little

especially Log Lady's banning. If she had put a Morrissey spin on her creepy posts of pseudo-wisdom, that would have been fucking TITS

[Peterb]

If I may add my bit to this discussion. I think there is a lot of behaviour that we see as normal that ideally would be shed. For example, our adhearance to gender roles, attitudes to sex and nudity. In the future you can imagine that we will not be hung up about sex and would have multiple partners without jealously or resentment.
But, we are where we are. If I decided that I wanted to spend my life hopping from partner to partner I would imagine it would end up in a mess. I recall reading about experiences in the '60's when 'free love' was advocated. What in fact happened is that a lot of people were used up and spat out or simply hurt. I think 'free love' is a male fantasy.

[DAVIE]

I think 'free love' is a male fantasy.

probably, wasn't free about having sex with multiple partners and such?? most definately a man's idea, not a woman's....at the end of the day we all know that women are probably more "in touch" with love than most men.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

Most women don't have any clue when it comes to what they want

isn't the whole bare-root essence of love and affection and attraction down to eventually joining your private parts together? Take sex out of any "love" relationship and watch the whole union go down the drain

probably going to lose some respect here when I say that guys totally have the right idea, going from mate to mate trying to find the one they want to bone for the rest of their life.

[M-in-Oz]

Most women don't have any clue when it comes to what they want

isn't the whole bare-root essence of love and affection and attraction down to eventually joining your private parts together? Take sex out of any "love" relationship and watch the whole union go down the drain

probably going to lose some respect here when I say that guys totally have the right idea, going from mate to mate trying to find the one they want to bone for the rest of their life.

In my experience it is my female friends who are more into 'open' relationships than the men I know.

[the raytownian]

In my experience it is my female friends who are more into 'open' relationships than the men I know.

It's important to verify whether or not these guy friends are also Moz fans.

[M-in-Oz]

It's important to verify whether or not these guy friends are also Moz fans.

Lol, they are Moz fans, generally speaking :lbf:

I don't like to be essentialist about gender and what men should do or women. Perhaps it's part of the 'Desperate Housewives' thing or even back to the 1950s and 'Revolutionary Road', but for the women I know they (we) are more interested in the idea that sex can be seperated from love. I find that it is the husbands and partners who act much more possesive of 'their women' and have said no to open relationships when asked.

[DAVIE]

Numbers, please.

hahahaha! :lbf:


I find that it is the husbands and partners who act much more possesive of 'their women' and have said no to open relationships when asked.

Well I wouldn't want my girlfriend shagging any other bloke, thanks. She wouldn't want me to either! Everyone may aswell be single forever, if that was the case. There would be no trust in the relationship.

[Raphael Lambach]

For serious

only one person, for the rest of your life? with so many potential soulmates in the world?

It's absurd

and I'll be happy to argue with anybody who wants to say otherwise!

You don't need to marry.
There's no law which obligates you to do.

[M-in-Oz]

hahahaha! :lbf:



Well I wouldn't want my girlfriend shagging any other bloke, thanks. She wouldn't want me to either! Everyone may aswell be single forever, if that was the case. There would be no trust in the relationship.

That's ok, I was just making the case that "free love" might not solely be the interest of men.

[snowfallsoon]

I love being married. I hate weddings. We got married in my parents living room, maybe 8 people were there, we drank and had pizza. Then we went home.

[DAVIE]

That's ok, I was just making the case that "free love" might not solely be the interest of men.

ahh I didn't know you were still talking about "free love"....I think I came quite harsh in that post. sorry about that mate :confused:

[M-in-Oz]

ahh I didn't know you were still talking about "free love"....I think I came quite harsh in that post. sorry about that mate :confused:

No worries, it was probably more likely me not making myself clear. A habit of mine.

[peptastic]

If I got married I would want it to be that one person forever or I wouldn't marry them to begin with.

My problem with a lot of women I know whose attitude to marriage is that it's a checkoff on a list of accomplishments. You aren't "settled" until you are married. My older sis didn't think she could have kids without being married. She worked two jobs, the husband stayed at home, she took care of their three kids when not working while he had affairs, etc and whined that he wasn't enough of a man while not really writing his book. Now they are divorced and she takes care of the kids financially and emotionally. She never really needed anything from him just to have the kids she so desperately wanted. She still thinks she needs a man to do it though.
I say only marry the person to be with that person. if you just want to be married but don't care to who then don't expect it to last.

I'm tired of people assuming if you aren't married you aren't as a good as them. I hate being lectured by 22 year olds "My life is on track. I'm married!"
More than half of those people who claimed that in the past are divorced now. I never got married. I'm 32. I won't rule it out someday but I'm not expecting it as my right either.
I never believed in the old adage "There is someone for everyone".

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

I say only marry the person to be with that person. if you just want to be married but don't care to who then don't expect it to last.

I'm tired of people assuming if you aren't married you aren't as a good as them. I hate being lectured by 22 year olds "My life is on track. I'm married!"
More than half of those people who claimed that in the past are divorced now. I never got married. I'm 32. I won't rule it out someday but I'm not expecting it as my right either.
I never believed in the old adage "There is someone for everyone".

Jihad to THAT

Most women I know (or know of) will settle for whatever they can get their hands on the quickest, rather than the one who will suit them best in the long run. It is definitely a matter of being married for the sake of being married. Security is paramount in a woman's life. Her entire world goes to ruin if she feels no security or if her pre-existing sense of security is shattered

[Peterb]

Jihad to THAT

Most women I know (or know of) will settle for whatever they can get their hands on the quickest, rather than the one who will suit them best in the long run. It is definitely a matter of being married for the sake of being married. Security is paramount in a woman's life. Her entire world goes to ruin if she feels no security or if her pre-existing sense of security is shattered
This all seems a bit dodgy, a couple of blokes stating what women think. All I can say is that I don't know any women that fit the description you and Peptastic describe.

[DAVIE]

This all seems a bit dodgy, a couple of blokes stating what women think. All I can say is that I don't know any women that fit the description you and Peptastic describe.

yeah....I want some real women's views about this topic. the women that are on here, don't seem to respond to much though. Apart from Crystal, of cause :)

[M-in-Oz]

(as a woman) I aimed to present an alternative argument.

[Uncleskinny]

It's my 20th anniversary this year. We got married not from pressure, or any religious reason, but because it felt like the right thing to do. No one asked us or told us. I've not regretted it for one second. I think more should be accorded to those who get married because it feels right to do so. But then I would say that.

P.

[KenzieW]

To each their own. I guess I'm old fashioned, I want to share my intimacy with only one person.

Yep, that's me too!


Well, I wish Russell Brand and Katy Perry for a happy....whooops! :D
I guess Mr Morrissey was right when it boiled down to them two!

I think I'll get married....if I don't marry Missus Davie then obviously I have the choice of having my balls ripped off and fed to the dog, or.....having my eyeballs thrown out and fed to the dog :D
No, I like tradition sometimes and I think it's quite nice to have a gathering over the love between two people. It's quite a special occasion and even if it doesn't last. At least they have good memories.
Aww, how sweet! You and your Mrs. Davie seem happy. :)

I know 17 year olds that have got married and stayed with each other, they're my uncle and auntie! So I think it's a bit too easy to judge a couple if they get married young. If it's love, then so be it

My mom got married when she was 18. My parents are still married, and they seem happy.


If I got married I would want it to be that one person forever or I wouldn't marry them to begin with.

My problem with a lot of women I know whose attitude to marriage is that it's a checkoff on a list of accomplishments. You aren't "settled" until you are married. My older sis didn't think she could have kids without being married. She worked two jobs, the husband stayed at home, she took care of their three kids when not working while he had affairs, etc and whined that he wasn't enough of a man while not really writing his book. Now they are divorced and she takes care of the kids financially and emotionally. She never really needed anything from him just to have the kids she so desperately wanted. She still thinks she needs a man to do it though.
I say only marry the person to be with that person. if you just want to be married but don't care to who then don't expect it to last.

I'm tired of people assuming if you aren't married you aren't as a good as them. I hate being lectured by 22 year olds "My life is on track. I'm married!"
More than half of those people who claimed that in the past are divorced now. I never got married. I'm 32. I won't rule it out someday but I'm not expecting it as my right either.
I never believed in the old adage "There is someone for everyone".

I can't imagine marrying to just be married. I want to be in love of course and have somebody I really care about and who really cares about me, but the idea of marriage is terrifying. I don't want to get married until I am really really really really sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with someone.

[billybu69]

Marry your best friend, that's the answer.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

This all seems a bit dodgy, a couple of blokes stating what women think. All I can say is that I don't know any women that fit the description you and Peptastic describe.

excellent, can you send a few of them my way? Think I'd like to give this marriage thing a try sometime

[peptastic]

I'm not sure why I don't fit the bill as a real woman.

I never meant to imply all women married the first person who came along but that those of whom I know that did ended in divorce. I for one was just explaining my own reason to wait.
My sister felt her biological clock ticking. She used to consult tarot cards to see if she'd meet the one

.It often appears that the society I've been around do tend to look upon married women as more settled.
Are you married and do you have kids are asked before what you do for living, your college major or interests.
I would be disingenuous to pretend I don't get barraged with demands I don't defend that I'm simply not married because I'm not good enough.I do get lectured from what Bridget Jones dubbed "smug marrieds."
Of course some couples are actually in love.

[M-in-Oz]

I'm not sure why I don't fit the bill as a real woman.

I never meant to imply all women married the first person who came along but that those of whom I know that did ended in divorce. I for one was just explaining my own reason to wait.
My sister felt her biological clock ticking. She used to consult tarot cards to see if she'd meet the one

.It often appears that the society I've been around do tend to look upon married women as more settled.
Are you married and do you have kids are asked before what you do for living, your college major or interests.
I would be disingenuous to pretend I don't get barraged with demands I don't defend that I'm simply not married because I'm not good enough.I do get lectured from what Bridget Jones dubbed "smug marrieds."
Of course some couples are actually in love.

I agree with the last part of your comment. When I was having my first child the midwife suggested I go and buy a cheap ring so no-one in the waiting room would think badly of me! I was outraged. Even now refer to "your husband" and I always correct them, I'm not married!

[egosheep]

I'm very happily married, but I don't recommend marriage in general. I think it's extremely rare to meet a true soulmate that you want to spend your whole life with... if you don't have that, don't get married.

[Oh my god, it's Robby!]

For serious

only one person, for the rest of your life? with so many potential soulmates in the world?

It's absurd

and I'll be happy to argue with anybody who wants to say otherwise!
marriage is a wonderful concept, just very shitty in practice, thats all
my guess would be that most marriages involve one person who truly found their soulmate(in my case, me)
and another who is really just along for the ride
sometimes that ride lasts til one person dies(usually the man, statistics show)
or one person just decides to get out when things turn shitty
and can you blame them?
its not like they really knew what they were signing up for
its folly to think most people really pay attention to their vows
just sayin...

[mauve21]

Look just because I think marriage is an archaic old load of shit, doesn't mean it's sour grapes from me, because mine didn't work out. It means that I quite seriously believe having a contract about your relationship and feeling the need to show it all off to everyone and make them give your presents, is capitalistic fascist stuff anyway. I know yall all hate me, but I also don't for the life of me understand why gay people as well want to get in on the bandwagon of shame that is marriage. I mean, they fought so hard for gay rights, why would they want to be lumbered in with the old straighties getting hitched an all? I just don't get the modern world.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

Coming SOON: The concept of love is pointless to me

by: Thesmithsmorrissey.

[Peterb]

Look just because I think marriage is an archaic old load of shit, doesn't mean it's sour grapes from me, because mine didn't work out. It means that I quite seriously believe having a contract about your relationship and feeling the need to show it all off to everyone and make them give your presents, is capitalistic fascist stuff anyway. I know yall all hate me, but I also don't for the life of me understand why gay people as well want to get in on the bandwagon of shame that is marriage. I mean, they fought so hard for gay rights, why would they want to be lumbered in with the old straighties getting hitched an all? I just don't get the modern world.
Don't be ridiculous, you have not said anything to make everyone hate you. I'ts a perfectly reasonable argument. But, as I said earlier in this thread, your idea is ahead of it's time. I think we're all to repressed and insecure as a society to not seek the protection and stability of a monogamous relationship (regardless of sexuality). One day when the human race has grown up (if we last that long), I think the nature of our relationships and sexuality will be vastly different from what we know now.

[Oh my god, it's Robby!]

I know yall all hate me
I like you Mauvie

[billy scissors]

Look just because I think marriage is an archaic old load of shit, doesn't mean it's sour grapes from me, because mine didn't work out. It means that I quite seriously believe having a contract about your relationship and feeling the need to show it all off to everyone and make them give your presents, is capitalistic fascist stuff anyway. I know yall all hate me, but I also don't for the life of me understand why gay people as well want to get in on the bandwagon of shame that is marriage. I mean, they fought so hard for gay rights, why would they want to be lumbered in with the old straighties getting hitched an all? I just don't get the modern world.

we just love a good party

[mauve21]

we just love a good party
Oh yeah

[DAVIE]

One day when the human race has grown up (if we last that long), I think the nature of our relationships and sexuality will be vastly different from what we know now.

Hmm, possibly monogamous relationships may be more accepted across the world. However, I very much doubt that any woman would want to share their man with someone else. I think the human race will still be traditional in that respect. Plus Jeremy Kyle would probably be out of a job if it was freely accepted, god forbid! :lbf: :D

[CrystalGeezer]

I think my friend Michael is going to elope with his girlfriend this weekend. :D I've been using my sign seeing skillz to pry (it's frowned upon when it comes to people you know but sometimes you just stumble on stuff) and I've been getting a lot of "marriage" and "elope" and he's taking her to Vegas at the end of the weekend. I could be wrong but I hope they do, they are so perfect for each other, beautiful, witty troglodytes.

[Thesmithsmorrissey]

I still view marriage as more of an act of security and social acceptance than as an act of love

[Peterb]

I still view marriage as more of an act of security and social acceptance than as an act of love
Hey TMS, you appear to be singlehandedly keeping this site alive at the moment.
I do agree with your marriage statement but I think there is more to be said. Whether we like it or not, monogamous state sanctioned coupling is the norm. And whilst people will get hooked for all the wrong reasons, a couple finding themselves in 'love' (although I would certainly question whether or not 'love' is something that actually exists, I hope someone picks up on this!) they would most certainly want to get married for the right reasons.