Liverpool FC Jokes

[Jukebox Jury]

A kid was walking down the street, when a car pulls up alongside him.
''I'll give you £10 and a bag of sweets if you get in the car'' the man said.
''No chance'' said the kid.
''Well what about £20 and a bag of sweets?'' the man offered.
''Look dad, f**k off, I'm not going with you to watch that shite at Anfield today'':D

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

Players and staff from Liverpool went to Alderhey Childrens Hospital today to visit the children on the wards.
''It was great to just to put a smile on the face of those less fortunate than us and who face an uncertain future'', said James, aged 7 of Bootle.

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

Liverpool FC's games are now being shown live on Gay TV.
Sky felt that the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 minutes was just too explicit for their viewers:eek:

Jukebox Jury

[Lucky_Lisp]

Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

[Superhans]

I hear someofusisturningnasty has become too embarrassed to support Liverpool anymore. :D

[Irish Budd]

Read em and weep : :thumb:

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS
5 times
British record
1976/77 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
1977/78 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
1980/81 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
1983/84 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
2004/05 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan

UEFA CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1972/73, 1975/76, 2000/01

FA CUP WINNERS
7 times
1964/65, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1988/89, 1991/92, 2000/01, 2005/06

LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
7 times
English record
1980/81, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1994/95, 2000/01, 2002/03

EUROPEAN SUPER CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1977, 2001, 2005

CHARITY SHIELD WINNERS
15 times
1963/64+, 1964/65+, 1965/66, 1973/74, 1975/76, 1976/77+, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1985/86*, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 2000/01, 2006/07

SUPER CUP WINNERS
Once
1985/86

OTHER TROPHIES

Football League Second Division Champions 4

1893/94, 1895/96, 1904/05, 1961/62

Lancashire League Champions 1

1892-93

FA Youth Cup Winners 2

1995/96, 2005/06

Reserves Division One Winners 16

1956/57, 1968/69, 1969/70, 1970/71, 1972/73, 1973/74, 1974/75, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1980/81, 1981/82, 1983/84, 1984/85, 1989/90, 1999/2000

[Superhans]

Glory hunter ^

[Jukebox Jury]

Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

Obsessed?:squiffy:
Not really, I just received the jokes as text messages and thought I'd post them here for others to laugh at.


Read em and weep : :thumb:

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS
5 times
British record
1976/77 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
1977/78 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
1980/81 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
1983/84 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
2004/05 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan

UEFA CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1972/73, 1975/76, 2000/01

FA CUP WINNERS
7 times
1964/65, 1973/74, 1985/86, 1988/89, 1991/92, 2000/01, 2005/06

LEAGUE CUP WINNERS
7 times
English record
1980/81, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1994/95, 2000/01, 2002/03

EUROPEAN SUPER CUP WINNERS
3 times
British record
1977, 2001, 2005

CHARITY SHIELD WINNERS
15 times
1963/64+, 1964/65+, 1965/66, 1973/74, 1975/76, 1976/77+, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1985/86*, 1987/88, 1988/89, 1989/90, 2000/01, 2006/07

SUPER CUP WINNERS
Once
1985/86

OTHER TROPHIES

Football League Second Division Champions 4

1893/94, 1895/96, 1904/05, 1961/62

Lancashire League Champions 1

1892-93

FA Youth Cup Winners 2

1995/96, 2005/06

Reserves Division One Winners 16

1956/57, 1968/69, 1969/70, 1970/71, 1972/73, 1973/74, 1974/75, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1980/81, 1981/82, 1983/84, 1984/85, 1989/90, 1999/2000

Thanks, I didn't realise 'you' had won the reserves league 16 times. I shall sleep better knowing that.
Congratualtions on a great history. But that means nothing right now. It doesn't get you in the 4th round of the FA Cup, or the semi finals of the League Cup, the final stages of the Chumps League and nor does it guarentee 'you' a top 4 place in the Prem come May.
So enjoy your evening and rather than sit there contemplating whether this is the worst Liverpool team ever over the past 50 years, just get the DVD out and watch those 15 charity shield victories with red tinted specs:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

Someone's a little bit obsessed. A whole thread dedicated to Liverpool FC, for you to indulge in your obsession, interesting.

:thumb:
You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.

[Jukebox Jury]

THE CHAMPIONSHIP
18 times
English record
1900/01, 1905/06, 1921/22, 1922/23, 1946/47, 1963/64, 1965/66, 1972/73, 1975/76, 1976/77, 1978/79, 1979/80, 1981/82, 1982/83, 1983/84, 1985/86, 1987/88, 1989/90


pardon me for bringing this to your attention, but I think you will find another Lancashire club has also won the Championship / Premier League 18 times (and that's a fact:thumb:)

Another fact is that Liverpool have never won the title since the back pass to the goalie (who could then pick the ball up) was banned:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

:thumb:
You are the same as Tony Wilson, jealous and envious of Liverpool. He lightened up in the last years of his life though and said alot of generous things about Tate Liverpool been inspirational and the only reason London were allowed to follow. He also praised the free music festivals that are put on in the streets every year, saying thats what Manchester should be doing, but before all this he was very bitter.

er, what's that got to do with Liverpool FC?
This thread isn't about the Tate, music festivals etc etc. I have no problem with that or the city of Liverpool, tourist atttractions and it's inhabitants.
It's about having a laugh at the expense of Liverpool FC - who at the moment are a joke. The Yank owners, Spanish waiter manager, players who don't know the meaning of the words ''This Is Anfield''. Or do you disagree?:squiffy:

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

My interested in your obsession with all things Liverpool!!!!!!

I love and respect Rafa Benitez and I am completely uninterested in your crappy jokes.
I'm too bored to even read them.

[Hellie]

Who makes these jokes up?:rolleyes:They must have a serious amount of time on their hands.:rolleyes::straightface:

[Jukebox Jury]

My interested in your obsession with all things Liverpool!!!!!!

I love and respect Rafa Benitez and I am completely uninterested in your crappy jokes.
I'm too bored to even read them.

Come on....we all know you read them:thumb:
Love and respect Rafa:squiffy:
Take away one night in Istanbul five years ago..... would you be saying the same thing?


Who makes these jokes up?:rolleyes:They must have a serious amount of time on their hands.:rolleyes::straightface:

They are the same jokes recycled every year.... just the name of the club usually changes each year...... this year it is Liverpool:lbf:
Of course, Scousers, with their (self declared) legendary sense of humour will take it all in good fun.....wont you lainey:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

[Moonbeam]

pardon me for bringing this to your attention, but I think you will find another Lancashire club has also won the Championship / Premier League 18 times (and that's a fact:thumb:)



Let's not talk about that....

[lainey]

Thieves broke into Maine Road last night & stole something from every room except the canteen. That's why they left without any cups.

[lainey]

What do Man City Fans and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

[Lucky_Lisp]

For comedy value these 'jokes' are lacking in humour and nothing new. (if you're going to tell some jokes at least remember the comedy element) However, I suppose we should be flattered by the attention; actually devoting time from your life to consider Liverpool FC, we're honoured.

[Moonbeam]

What do Man City Fans and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

:(

Don't be mean

[lainey]

:(

Don't be mean

JJ started it!!!!!!

Emmanuel Adebayor risked the wrath of Manchester City fans by conducting a television interview wearing an Arsenal T-shirt.

The City striker appeared on Sky Sports news to describe the horrific events in Angloa last Friday night when Togo's team bus was attacked by gunmen.

Three officials were killed and several players injured in the attack - prompting Togo to withdraw from the African Cup of Nations.

Adebayor, who has been given leave by City to spend time with his family following the tragedy, looked clearly traumatised as he spoke to a tv interviewer.

My advice is that man city fans should focus on there own team, their own players and their own problems.
what happened to the Togo team is truely shocking. Liverpool having a bad season is for us to contend with. Man city nearly having a player killed is a more worthy of your time. He is your player.

[Jukebox Jury]

Thieves broke into Maine Road last night & stole something from every room except the canteen. That's why they left without any cups.

If you are going to make a feeble attempt in redressing the balance, at least bring the jokes up to date:rolleyes:
City haven't played at Maine Road since May 2003:crazy:

Jukebox Jury

[Lucky_Lisp]

If you are going to make a feeble attempt in redressing the balance, at least bring the jokes up to date:rolleyes:
City haven't played at Maine Road since May 2003:crazy:

Jukebox Jury

There's no balance to redress because your 'jokes' are shiiiiite.

[lainey]

there is no difference between the two stadiums!
you didn't win at Maine Road, nor have you won at Eastlands. It really doesn't matter.

All the Man city jokes are old but still they go on.

[lainey]

Maine Road had Oasis:thumb:

Eastlands U2:(

[Irish Budd]

Obsessed?:squiffy:
Not really, I just received the jokes as text messages and thought I'd post them here for others to laugh at.



Thanks, I didn't realise 'you' had won the reserves league 16 times. I shall sleep better knowing that.
Congratualtions on a great history. But that means nothing right now. It doesn't get you in the 4th round of the FA Cup, or the semi finals of the League Cup, the final stages of the Chumps League and nor does it guarentee 'you' a top 4 place in the Prem come May.
So enjoy your evening and rather than sit there contemplating whether this is the worst Liverpool team ever over the past 50 years, just get the DVD out and watch those 15 charity shield victories with red tinted specs:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

Glad to know you'll have a good nights sleep tonight and thanks for the kind words on the clubs success and "great history"
I never said anything about this season.
Thanks for the advice about watching the 15 charity shield victories on DVD but I've most of them on VHS and the the video is on the blink so I'll give that a miss.


pardon me for bringing this to your attention, but I think you will find another Lancashire club has also won the Championship / Premier League 18 times (and that's a fact:thumb:)

Another fact is that Liverpool have never won the title since the back pass to the goalie (who could then pick the ball up) was banned:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

No problem,I don't care to much for that other "Lancashire club" that you speak of but it amazes me why supporters of another Lancashire club are obsessed by them.
Thanks for pointing that out about the last time Liverpool won the title but at least we are able to watch it back in colour with our "red tinted specs"


Glory hunter ^

Póg mo thóin.

[Bluebirds]

A CHARITY APPEAL IN AID OF THE TERRIBLE EVENTS OF WEDNESDAY....

Shocked, devastated, crushed. No hope, no money, no future. Everything gone, nothing left, noone can help. Its a disaster of catastrophic proportions.














Please send what you can to LFC Anfield formerly a big club appeal or to:
www.keeprafa@anfield/seasonoverinjan.co.uk

[Bluebirds]

Togo bus: 200 attempts and only 3 shots on target....


police have now moved their suspicions towards Emile Heskey.

[Jukebox Jury]

Maine Road had Oasis:thumb:

Eastlands U2:(

Maine Road had Oasis twice, Eastlands three times.
Your point is?



I never said anything about this season.




No problem,I don't care to much for that other "Lancashire club" that you speak of but it amazes me why supporters of another Lancashire club are obsessed by them.


I know you didn't mention this season - and with good reason:mock:.....I'd rather hear your views on this season rather than cutting and pasting Wiki, telling me what I already know (apart from winning the reserves 16 times:lbf:)


There's no balance to redress because your 'jokes' are shiiiiite.

I'm glad they are shite, at least it has rankled enough people on here, so much so that I have received a text message from a Liverpool fan saying ''I have received 4 text messages about a thread you have made''.
What a bunch of squealers. If this was happening to ManU or Leeds (as it has happened) you'd be cracking jokes galore. City were in Division three 10 years ago and I received all sorts of shit jokes on a daily basis...... but do you know what???? I laughed along with them...... where is the famous Merseyside humour? Or are you all Scandinavian Koppites?:rolleyes:
Do you really believe you have a devine right not to have a shit season?:squiffy: and when you do be immune from piss taking?

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

JJ started it!!!!!!

Emmanuel Adebayor risked the wrath of Manchester City fans by conducting a television interview wearing an Arsenal T-shirt.

The City striker appeared on Sky Sports news to describe the horrific events in Angloa last Friday night when Togo's team bus was attacked by gunmen.

Three officials were killed and several players injured in the attack - prompting Togo to withdraw from the African Cup of Nations.

Adebayor, who has been given leave by City to spend time with his family following the tragedy, looked clearly traumatised as he spoke to a tv interviewer.

My advice is that man city fans should focus on there own team, their own players and their own problems.
what happened to the Togo team is truely shocking. Liverpool having a bad season is for us to contend with. Man city nearly having a player killed is a more worthy of your time. He is your player.

What was your point of mentioning he was wearing an Arsenal shirt? I couldn't care less what he was wearing.
Am I supposed to sit here all night only thinking about what happened to the Togo team and only focusing on tomorrows game to the real Liverpool people's club? :rolleyes:
And as for ''my own clubs problems''..... hhhmmmmm maybe I shall spend the next hour wondering which player we can afford. Oh bollocks, we can afford them all:guitar:

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

Manure and Leeds are hated.
you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.

[lainey]

What was your point of mentioning he was wearing an Arsenal shirt? I couldn't care less what he was wearing.
Am I supposed to sit here all night only thinking about what happened to the Togo team and only focusing on tomorrows game to the real Liverpool people's club? :rolleyes:

Jukebox Jury

It's hilarious that he's wearing the shirt of his previous team. who does that?
seriously, what next.... Tevez walking around Manchester in a West Ham shirt and then turning up for an interview in a manure shirt:crazy:

as for the Oasis reference, they were the only good thing to watch back then and now nothing.

[Bluebirds]

hmmm did Adebayor actually ran the length of the bus to celebrate in front of the Gunners last Saturday as well then?

[prisoner77]

Manure and Leeds are hated.
you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.

Liverpool are hated too are they not?

[Bluebirds]

Liverpool are hated too are they not?

Calm down, calm down

[Jukebox Jury]

Manure and Leeds are hated.
you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.

So if I was a ManU fan posting this thread it would have been acceptable to you as they ''hate'' you?


It's hilarious that he's wearing the shirt of his previous team. who does that?
seriously, what next.... Tevez walking around Manchester in a West Ham shirt and then turning up for an interview in a manure shirt:crazy:


So, a bloke is on a coach which gets ambushed. Right in front of his eyes (and according to reports, in his arms) two colleagues and the driver die under a hail of machine guns. The bloke himself has to take cover and for many minutes fears for his own life.
The bloke, as captain of the team, (all of whom have gone through emotional hell) makes a statement on camera, wearing the shirt of another football team than the one he currently plays for.

Am I really supposed to get worked up because this bloke who has experienced this horrific incident, is wearing the shirt of his previous team? Shame on you lainey for even bringing that up. But hey! As long as you thought it was hilarious, then that's all right:rolleyes:

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

Liverpool are hated too are they not?

Well, it seems by JJ mainly

[Jukebox Jury]

hmmm did Adebayor actually ran the length of the bus to celebrate in front of the Gunners last Saturday as well then?

This thread is about Liverpool FC jokes, if you wanna start with these jokes (and yes, I recieved plenty), then start your own thread;)

Jukebox Jury

[Irish Budd]

I know you didn't mention this season - and with good reason:mock:.....I'd rather hear your views on this season rather than cutting and pasting Wiki, telling me what I already know (apart from winning the reserves 16 times:lbf:)
Jukebox Jury

I'm very disapointed with the way the team have played this season.I didn't cut and paste Wiki it was from a Liverpool fans website and the post wasn't aimed at teaching you something but I'm glad it did.:)

All the best.:thumb:

[Jukebox Jury]

Well, it seems by JJ mainly

When have I said I hate LFC? I never have.
So because I am cracking jokes about LFC that means I hate them?

I am merely making fun at the expense of the situation that LFC currently finds themselves in.
As stated before, when City were in division three, i received no end of jip from all corners....but us City fans laughed along with them..... every dog has it's day....and now it's LFC's turn and their fans (or at least on this site) are all up in arms freaking out. 'How dare you make jokes of LFC'.:rolleyes:
lainey - do you feel LFC - in their current situation - should be immune to having jokes made about the team? If so,.....why?

Jukebox Jury

[Bluebirds]

This thread is about Liverpool FC jokes, if you wanna start with these jokes (and yes, I recieved plenty), then start your own thread;)

Jukebox Jury

Sorry Kewpie.;)

I was only redressing the balance.

Now for some more of those Haiti jokes... No I'm not going there

[lainey]

So if I was a ManU fan posting this thread it would have been acceptable to you as they ''hate'' you?:confused: what are you talking about?
you ask why manu and leeds joke are considered funny by so many, I said it's because they're not well liked.




So, a bloke is on a coach which gets ambushed. Right in front of his eyes (and according to reports, in his arms) two colleagues and the driver die under a hail of machine guns. The bloke himself has to take cover and for many minutes fears for his own life.
The bloke, as captain of the team, (all of whom have gone through emotional hell) makes a statement on camera, wearing the shirt of another football team than the one he currently plays for.

Am I really supposed to get worked up because this bloke who has experienced this horrific incident, is wearing the shirt of his previous team? Shame on you lainey for even bringing that up. But hey! As long as you thought it was hilarious, then that's all right:rolleyes:

Jukebox Jury

I'm the one who actuallt posted this to point out that you need to get your priorities in order.

1. Your teams welfare.
2. Your teams next game.
3. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, fitness.
4.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, manager settling in.
5. jokes about other clubs.

I'll repost my comments as you didn't read them properly

[Emotional Guide Dog]

extract from Josef Fritzl's Daughter's Diary..

MONDAY - Stayed in. Got shagged by Dad
TUESDAY - Stayed in. Dad shagged me
WEDNESDAY - Stayed in. Dad shagged me again.
THURSDAY - Stayed in. Fucked by Dad.
FRIDAY - Stayed in. Shagged by Dad.
SATURDAY - Went to Anfield to watch Liverpool.. wish i'd stayed in :confused:



Is that too much?? :(

I know I shouldn't laugh but I did. Alot.

Incidentally, you Liverpool fans don't half get prickly. Fifth in the Premier League? My blue & white striped heart bleeds it really does.

[lainey]

JJ started it!!!!!!

Emmanuel Adebayor risked the wrath of Manchester City fans by conducting a television interview wearing an Arsenal T-shirt.

The City striker appeared on Sky Sports news to describe the horrific events in Angloa last Friday night when Togo's team bus was attacked by gunmen.

Three officials were killed and several players injured in the attack - prompting Togo to withdraw from the African Cup of Nations.

Adebayor, who has been given leave by City to spend time with his family following the tragedy, looked clearly traumatised as he spoke to a tv interviewer.

My advice is that man city fans should focus on there own team, their own players and their own problems.
what happened to the Togo team is truely shocking. Liverpool having a bad season is for us to contend with. Man city nearly having a player killed is a more worthy of your time. He is your player.

Shame on you JJ for focusing you time and energy on other clubs at a time like this (I can piss take too)

"What a bunch of squealers. If this was happening to ManU or Leeds (as it has happened) you'd be cracking jokes galore."
my point was.........



Manure and Leeds are hated.
you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.

[Jukebox Jury]

If this was happening to ManU or Leeds (as it has happened) you'd be cracking jokes galore.
Jukebox Jury


Manure and Leeds are hated.
you should know that JJ, hence why jokes about them are funny and enjoyed by many.


So if I was a ManU fan posting this thread it would have been acceptable to you as they ''hate'' you?
Jukebox Jury


:confused: what are you talking about?
you ask why manu and leeds joke are considered funny by so many, I said it's because they're not well liked.


I didn't say they were considered funny.... read above.... I just said people would be cracking jokes if it was happening to ManU or Leeds - and that includes Liverpool fans. But it isn't happening to ManU and Leeds, it's happening to Liverpool and Liverpool fans (on this site) are squealing and blubbering.....:o
ManU fans do not 'like' LFC fans, so therefore, under your theory, are the jokes I have said acceptable to you - if delivered by a ManU fan - because they 'hate you'?

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

They would be equally as boring , equally as predictable and equally as unfunny.

[Jukebox Jury]

I'm the one who actuallt posted this to point out that you need to get your priorities in order.

1. Your teams welfare.
2. Your teams next game.
3. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, fitness.
4.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, manager settling in.
5. jokes about other clubs.


lainey
My timetable tonight was as follows:

Got in from work (I'll describe the definiton of the term 'work' to you if you are unclear of it's origins) at 6.30pm.

1. 6.55pm Having eaten, discussed with self as to whether the City team should travel with an armed escort as they are travelling into a dangerous territory with hostile natives tomorrow, playing away at Everton.

2. 7.25pm Discussed with self tomorrows game against Everton. Debated whether I should go in my car and risk getting my hub caps stolen or go on coach (and risk getting bricked)

3. 7.55pm Discussed with self as to whether new signing Vieira will be fit tomorrow against Everton, as well as Shaun Wright Phillips and Steven Ireland.

4. 8.25pm Discussed with self about how MANCini has settled in and wondering if he will wear his lucky scarf during Saturday's game against Everton.

5. 8.55pm Finished all the above, thought I'd make jokes about other clubs (well, one in particular) and switched computer on and made such jokes.

So there you go, I had already completed all of your suggested tasks before you made them:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

They would be equally as boring , equally as predictable and equally as unfunny.

But you said the jokes are acceptable against ManU and Leeds because they are 'hated'.
I inform you that ManU 'hate' LFC and as a result suggest therefore that the jokes against LFC are acceptable in this form - yet all of a sudden the goalposts have changed:confused:

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

I wasn't going to comment on this thread but Lucky Lisp took the words right out of my mouth so I had to agree.

Can you promise never to mention anything about Liverpool football club, Liverpool The City, Liverpool the People (past and present) for the rest of the year amd I'll laugh at your other jokes.

[lainey]

But you said the jokes are acceptable against ManU and Leeds because they are 'hated'.
I inform you that ManU 'hate' LFC and as a result suggest therefore that the jokes against LFC are acceptable in this form - yet all of a sudden the goalposts have changed:confused:

Jukebox Jury

you asked why everyone laughs at manu jokes but not a liverpool ones.

it doesn't matter who posts them as they still wouldn't laugh!!!!!

[Emotional Guide Dog]

'Who do you support?'

'Oh I'm a Liverpool fan.'

'Sorry?'

'I said, I'm a Liverpool fan.'

'No I heard you the first time, I'm just sorry.'

[Jukebox Jury]

I wasn't going to comment on this thread but Lucky Lisp took the words right out of my mouth so I had to agree.

Can you promise never to mention anything about Liverpool football club, Liverpool The City, Liverpool the People (past and present) for the rest of the year amd I'll laugh at your other jokes.

Why are you so paranoid / defensive about me saying anything about the above subjects?
Can you not take a bit of banter or criticism? Is Liverpool beyond banter or criticism (the capital of humour?):confused:

And you're not even from Liverpool - you were born in the same town as I was:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

you asked why everyone laughs at manu jokes but not a liverpool ones.


No I didn't say that at all:crazy:
I said if the jokes were about ManU or Leeds eveyone would laugh - including LFC fans.
You said it was because those two clubs are hated.
I said that LFC are also hated.
I then asked if that was the case, why can the jokes not be made against LFC?

Jukebox Jury

[Rusholme Ruffian 90]

Bloody hell Liverpool fans, lighten up a bit. I know your team's in terminal decline and it looks like you'll have seen the last of the Champions League for a good while, but that's no excuse to be so paranoid and argumentative. I think you're just angry because the guy who made this is a City fan and they're gonna replace you in the top 4.

Calm down, calm down...

[Rusholme Ruffian 90]

Here's a few of the more appropriate jokes sickipedia has to offer:

Fair play to Rafael Benitez.
His English has improved over the past five years, he's good at writing and speaking.
Struggles with Reading though.

Anyone know how to cancel an eBay bid? I bid on a Mickey Mouse outfit and I'm now minutes away from owning a Liverpool FC kit.

I think everyone is harsh taking the piss out of Liverpool - not long ago they went a whole season unbeaten - Summer I think it was!!

After Liverpool's 2-1 loss to Reading, a few of my friends were saying the team just wasn't working.
A bunch of guys from Liverpool? Well I never.

Looks like reading has once again got the better of Liverpool.

Apparently, from September, Liverpool's new sponsor will be Butlins.
Their season finishes in November too.

[Lucky_Lisp]

This thread was started to provoke some sort of a response was it not? Whether it be people responding by adding to the hilarious 'jokes' or quelle surprise, a response from Liverpool fans.
I fully accept that we are playing SHIT, the Reading debacle was hard to take, but we're not dwelling on it, our support remains and we're taking each game as it comes, hoping for an improvement. I was the first to crack a huge smile when Man U were beaten by Leeds, but you must accept threads of this nature would attract some sort of response? I'm not crying about the jokes, and I can take a joke, mainly when they are funny however. I just find it interesting that a supposedly devout fan of Man City would devote so much time and effort to a thread about Liverpool. Us Liverpool fans are passionate than most and this thread is just shit-stirring and you know it.

[Jukebox Jury]

This thread was started to provoke some sort of a response was it not? Whether it be people responding by adding to the hilarious 'jokes' or quelle surprise, a response from Liverpool fans.
I fully accept that we are playing SHIT, the Reading debacle was hard to take, but we're not dwelling on it, our support remains and we're taking each game as it comes, hoping for an improvement. I was the first to crack a huge smile when Man U were beaten by Leeds, but you must accept threads of this nature would attract some sort of response? I'm not crying about the jokes, and I can take a joke, mainly when they are funny however. I just find it interesting that a supposedly devout fan of Man City would devote so much time and effort to a thread about Liverpool. Us Liverpool fans are passionate than most and this thread is just shit-stirring and you know it.

What is ANY thread on this (or any) forum designed to do? They are designed to get a response. Yes they can be negative or positive responses.
I was receiving a few jokes on my mobile phone and thought I'd post them on here. It wasn't thinking...'This will ruin lainey's day and lucky lisp will really be pissed off', I was thinking, it will bring a smile to a few peoples faces.

I've had that City thread running for a long time now, sometimes kept it going single handidily......and evey game I set myself up for a fall ''Come on City, beat so and so today' and when we lose, I comeback and someone is taking the piss...... and I love it.....that's what it's all about......banter. One week it's City sacking Hughes, the next week it's united losing to Leeds, this week it is LFC.
Stop taking it so bloody personally. All this nonsence about ''devoting so much of my time'' etc (actually, I was in all last night and had nothing to do, so this actually pased the time for me!) - as Rusholme said 2 posts up. Lighten up and show us your sense of humour.
And if City get trounced by the Toffees today, come along and post the jokes on the City thread and I will laugh along with you.

There was no conspiracy theory, no shit stirring and no hidden agenda.
And do you know what, when someone is genuinely looking for a response, the best thing to do is NOT respond. Because then that in itself causes another response and so it goes. The best thing you and lainey could have done was either stay silent or to say ''Really funny JJ:rolleyes: but we'll be back and will have the last laugh over you''.

That would have ended this discussion from halfway down page 1 and sent this thread down the forum page and into oblivion, but you and lainey kept going on and kept the post at the top with loads of hits. And for that.....I thank you:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

[lainey]

Why are you so paranoid / defensive about me saying anything about the above subjects?
Can you not take a bit of banter or criticism? Is Liverpool beyond banter or criticism (the capital of humour?):confused:

And you're not even from Liverpool - you were born in the same town as I was:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

It says on my avatar quite clearly where I'm from, it's always been there.

by your thinking, since your not from Manchester...any jokes or remarks should leave you emotionless? even the nasty, sick ones to do with the people :straightface: yes or no?

Liverpool banter is all very well but it always seem to be from you.
I chose to comment on this thread to support lucky lisps post as we are thinking the same thing. your in love with Liverpool

My problem is not with the jokes (as rubbish as they are) it's the sheer quantity of them and the old sterotypes that goes with some of your posts.
It could be alot worse as some people on this forum are very hateful and you are not.... I guess you have those who are trying to wind people up (you) and the hateful, racists (I know their names)

[Jukebox Jury]

It says on my avatar quite clearly where I'm from, it's always been there.

by your thinking, since your not from Manchester...any jokes or remarks should leave you emotionless? even the nasty, sick ones to do with the people :straightface: yes or no?

Liverpool banter is all very well but it always seem to be from you.
I chose to comment on this thread to support lucky lisps post as we are thinking the same thing. your in love with Liverpool

My problem is not with the jokes (as rubbish as they are) it's the sheer quantity of them and the old sterotypes that goes with some of your posts.
It could be alot worse as some people on this forum are very hateful and you are not.... I guess you have those who are trying to wind people up (you) and the hateful, racists (I know their names)

lainey, go to the pub and watch your team play Joke City:thumb: it's about to start.
It's too early in the afternoon to be dealing with pyscho-analysis (if that's spelt correctly?) of what and why I posted.

Jukebox Jury

[Irregular Regular]

JJ, you MUST promise to never ever post a joke about Liverpool again.
This is my final warning, I will have you banned if I see one more joke on Liverpool FC or their wonderful people...

This is an example of what you should never, ever post:

In the Liverpool slums,
They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
In the Liverpool slums.

In the Liverpool slums,
Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
You can't find a job 'coz you're too f*ckin' thick,
In the Liverpool slums.

[Jukebox Jury]

JJ, you MUST promise to never ever post a joke about Liverpool again.
This is my final warning, I will have you banned if I see one more joke on Liverpool FC or their wonderful people...

This is an example of what you should never, ever post:

In the Liverpool slums,
They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
In the Liverpool slums.

In the Liverpool slums,
Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
You can't find a job 'coz you're too f*ckin' thick,
In the Liverpool slums.

IR
What about

Sign on, sign on, with hope, in your heart, and you'll never get a job, you'll never get a job, sign on....etc (sung to the theme of ''You'll never walk alone'')
Can I post that or would I be banned?

Jukebox Jury

[Irregular Regular]

IR
What about

Sign on, sign on, with hope, in your heart, and you'll never get a job, you'll never get a job, sign on....etc (sung to the theme of ''You'll never walk alone'')
Can I post that or would I be banned?

Jukebox Jury

That's exactly what I mean, here is another example of what NOT to post:

Park, Park wherever you may be,
You eat dogs in your country,
It could have been worse,
You could have been a scouse,
Eating rats in your council house...

You have been warned...

[Superhans]

*New joke**New joke**New joke*

.... "Liverpool Football club"


Hahahahahahahaha. :cool:

[Dave2006]

And Stoke score in the 90th minute :lbf::lbf::lbf::lbf:

Bye bye Rafa

And in terms of my priorities - unable to get to today's match - I see Huddersfield Town won. And Leeds lost.
Tonight, nothing else, absolutely nothing, matters. Roll on Feb 27th... when we beat the Leeds scum... again!

Dave

[matt]

I'm just laughing at JJ's sig about United being owned by yanks. Who exactly owns City and funds all your 'big name' signings again?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Oh yeah the Abu Dhabi group!:lbf:

[This charming man.]

Well no need to laugh at Liverpool at the moment, not only are they evaporating quicker than a Labour Government but they even sent an email out promoting tickets for the 4th round of the FA Cup BEFORE being knocked out of the 3rd round by Championship side Reading.

Maybe Benitez gave the marketing department one of his ‘guarentees’? :lbf:

http://www.laughfc.co.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/kopup1.jpg

[someofusisturningnasty]

I hear someofusisturningnasty has become too embarrassed to support Liverpool anymore. :D

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :mad:

i'm not a fairweather fan, i stand behind my boys. we'll (Torres) bounce back :D

[someofusisturningnasty]

JJ, you MUST promise to never ever post a joke about Liverpool again.
This is my final warning, I will have you banned if I see one more joke on Liverpool FC or their wonderful people...

This is an example of what you should never, ever post:

In the Liverpool slums,
They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
In the Liverpool slums.

In the Liverpool slums,
Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
You can't find a job 'coz you're too f*ckin' thick,
In the Liverpool slums.

:rolleyes: hilarious. you should be a comedian.

[Jukebox Jury]

I'm just laughing at JJ's sig about United being owned by yanks. Who exactly owns City and funds all your 'big name' signings again?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Oh yeah the Abu Dhabi group!:lbf:

Read it again:rolleyes:
You should have gone to Spec Savers:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

[This charming man.]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Very poor editing, JJ. Take a time out! :banned:

[Dave2006]

I wonder if FC United would want to co-opt JJs tune?

This is how it feels to be FC
This is how it feels to be Manc
This is how it feels when United's not owned by a bank

I don't think that City Fans can throw stones at Utd when it comes to being owned by shady overseas investors.

Dave

[Jukebox Jury]

I wonder if FC United would want to co-opt JJs tune?

This is how it feels to be FC
This is how it feels to be Manc
This is how it feels when United's not owned by a bank

I don't think that City Fans can throw stones at Utd when it comes to being owned by shady overseas investors.

Dave

Agree Dave
After the Frank Shin-a-drain-pipe saga, we can't complain. Only thing now is the Arabs didn't buy us using our own money (not that we had any:lbf:) and equity to buy it - how the Yanks did that at both OT and Liverpool is a disgrace. Would the government allow someone to do that at say, Cadbury's? :confused: I doubt it

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Very poor editing, JJ. Take a time out! :banned:

Ssssshhhhhhh he's probably too thick to work that out:thumb:
Take another time out?:eek: I've only been back 6 days from the last (my first) one:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

[matt]

Ssssshhhhhhh he's probably too thick to work that out:thumb:
Take another time out?:eek: I've only been back 6 days from the last (my first) one:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

Smartarse,

I haven't subscribed to this topic and have only just returned to it, so I don't know how you modified what I originally said anyway, but I certainly don't take too kindly to being labelled 'thick'. Especially outside the Pigsty, you should have more respect for people.

A hypocritical comment? Certainly, but I think both sides of it are warranted in this instance.:D

[Mozza220559]

Are Liverpool Football Club doing bad at the moment or something?

[someofusisturningnasty]

Are Liverpool Football Club doing bad at the moment or something?

Just having a difficult season that's all...like all clubs have at some point.

*cough* Utd 03-04
*cough cough* City...where do I begin????

[Jukebox Jury]

Are Liverpool Football Club doing bad at the moment or something?

They are in talks with a new sponsor for the rest of the season. Tampax are interested in investing in the club, they want to help out during a bad period:lbf:

Jukebox Jury

[Jukebox Jury]

Bloke goes to a brothel.
''How much do you charge for total humiliation?'' he asks

The Madam replies £42.50

The bloke is clearly pleased at the price given and enquires further ''wow that sounds like a bargain, what exactly do I get for that?''

''A replica Liverpool FC shirt to walk around in'', she replies:rofl:

Jukebox Jury

[someofusisturningnasty]

Bloke goes to a brothel.
''How much do you charge for total humiliation?'' he asks

The Madam replies £42.50

The bloke is clearly pleased at the price given and enquires further ''wow that sounds like a bargain, what exactly do I get for that?''

''A replica Liverpool FC shirt to walk around in'', she replies:rofl:

Jukebox Jury

:sleeping:

liverpool & proud :guitar:

(and my shirt cost more than that)

[Jukebox Jury]

:sleeping:

liverpool & proud :guitar:

(and my shirt cost more than that)

I'm sure Gillett and Hicks appreciated the purchase:thumb:

Jukebox Jury

[perry1927]

i came across this forum while looking for liverpool jokes, we are into a new season, since most of these former posts, and liverpool are still a joke,well an even bigger one now, i cannot stop laughing at the FEEBLE defence or excuses from liverpool fans,, FACT= YOUR GROUND NEEDS AN H-BOMB DROPPED ON IT (oh yes ive been there many times) and your team are sulking & AND DONT WANT TO GO OUT IN THE COLD & WET thats the problem !!
perry1927

cardiff city fc :thumb: